Anonymous wrote:Thank you was perfect. Don’t project your fertility struggles on anyone else. And if they are not Mother’s....then Happy Mother’s Day is inappropriate

I agree that saying thank you was perfect. As for the rest, At least in my circles, wishing someone a happy Mother’s Day is also acknowledging our wish to honor all mothers - especially our own, so would not be inappropriate.

Just say thank you. If they bring up their losses or struggles, go with it. Otherwise, just ... no.

Six miscarriages and 2 failed IVF rounds here. If someone had said “happy mother’s day” to me during that period of my life, well. I’m a very calm and private person but that would have likely made me completely and totally lose my shit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you! So nice to hear from you. How's everything going in the lock down? Isn't this such a crazy time?"

Don't overthink things.

This.

- infertility/loss veteran

+2

~another loss vet

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you! So nice to hear from you. How's everything going in the lock down? Isn't this such a crazy time?"

Don't overthink things.

This.

- infertility/loss veteran

Anonymous wrote:Thank you was perfect. Don’t project your fertility struggles on anyone else. And if they are not Mother’s....then Happy Mother’s Day is inappropriate

Thank you! I think some of this is happening with my overthinking ... I just remember being so sad that what I wanted so badly was happening so easily for everyone around me, mother's day was very hard reminder for me during those years, and I felt a lot of pain, envy, and jealousy. And I wanted to acknowledge their (potential) pain ... but really it's me projecting my old pain on them!

"Thank you! So nice to hear from you. How's everything going in the lock down? Isn't this such a crazy time?"

Don't overthink things.

Thank you was perfect. Don’t project your fertility struggles on anyone else. And if they are not Mother’s....then Happy Mother’s Day is inappropriate

It would not have been you reminding them that it was Mother's Day - they already know and felt their pain.

My best friend struggled with infertility for years and never successfully had a child. She would wish me a Happy Mother's Day without fail and I'd always drop her a note or text saying thanks and thinking of you.

a good friend that you know has experienced a miscarriage.

I had several friends send me "happy mother's day" messages. Two of these friends that did this, I know suffered a miscarriage in the last year. I was tempted to say something along the lines of "happy mothers day to you too" to acknowledge this day might be hard for them, but I decided against it .... and just said a simple thanks.

Now I am over thinking this, should I have wished them one as well? I know they WANT to be mothers, but I don't know if they wanted to be reminded of that on mothers day ... I struggled with fertility, but never had a miscarriage, so I know how hard it is to WANT to be a mother but life isn't ready to allow it yet.

thoughts?