Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

If mom and dad both contribute $400 a month, depending on the child it is plenty. We only spend more because of activities and not all kids do as much as ours.

$400 is enough for what exactly? My child can eat $200 of that, so that leaves the other $200 for a place to live, clothes, medical, etc. In what universe is that enough?

I am the OP and I have a an ok job (make about $100,000). I don't consider us poor, but every penny I earn goes towards caring for our child. We live a very modest life.

You still have expenses when you don't have children, including paying for a place to live. $800 a month specifically on kid related expenses is a reasonable amount.

I don't quite understand your scenario. You say you live in the same building. How often has your ex seen his son? Do they know each other? Has he ever wanted more time with his son?

Where are you getting $800 per month? I most certainly contribute more that.

I pay an extra $1000 per month just to have an extra room that my son lives in. Presumably, this is split in half so my portion of that would be $500 and his dad's would be $500. After care program is $325 per month. I dont know where you live so that $800 is a reasonable amount from both parents, but in this area it's not.

I can't live further out even if I wanted to because his dad never wanted to drop off or pick up so I have to live close enough to put my 8 hours in but also be able to drop off in the morning and pick up in the afternoon.

We moved into this building so my son can be close to his father because I believed that he needs both of his parents regardless of how much he was contributing financially. Of course, they know each other. He sees him once a week because that is all my ex wants to do. I would very much welcome help with homework and dinner, but that is not something he is willing to do. He strickly wants Sundays where all they do is play and watch movies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What constitutes legal joint custody, why is that a big deal, and does it need to be 50/50?

And having a dad play with their kid only 1 day a week, while the mom does most of the heavy lifting, sounds about right in many families. Not saying it is the way it should be, just stating that this is how it is in many non-divorce situations.

It's a big deal because I would need to consult him before every decision I make for our child. He has never expressed any interest in participating before. He has not attended a single school meeting. And if I'm perfectly honest it really pisses me off that after 11 years he is trying to pull this stunt.

Why do you think he is asking for it? If he has no interest in being involved and never has, what do you think is behind this request?

Yes, this. I would definitely talk to a lawyer.

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

He disagrees that our son has ADD (apparently) although he has never actually said this to me. I read it in the complaint. I have kept him up to date on all of the testing, therapy, doctor's appt. He chose not to go to any. If he ever brought up the idea of doing something different I would have been open to listening. I want what is best for our son.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What constitutes legal joint custody, why is that a big deal, and does it need to be 50/50?

And having a dad play with their kid only 1 day a week, while the mom does most of the heavy lifting, sounds about right in many families. Not saying it is the way it should be, just stating that this is how it is in many non-divorce situations.

It's a big deal because I would need to consult him before every decision I make for our child. He has never expressed any interest in participating before. He has not attended a single school meeting. And if I'm perfectly honest it really pisses me off that after 11 years he is trying to pull this stunt.

Why do you think he is asking for it? If he has no interest in being involved and never has, what do you think is behind this request?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

If mom and dad both contribute $400 a month, depending on the child it is plenty. We only spend more because of activities and not all kids do as much as ours.

$400 is enough for what exactly? My child can eat $200 of that, so that leaves the other $200 for a place to live, clothes, medical, etc. In what universe is that enough?

I am the OP and I have a an ok job (make about $100,000). I don't consider us poor, but every penny I earn goes towards caring for our child. We live a very modest life.

You still have expenses when you don't have children, including paying for a place to live. $800 a month specifically on kid related expenses is a reasonable amount.

I don't quite understand your scenario. You say you live in the same building. How often has your ex seen his son? Do they know each other? Has he ever wanted more time with his son?

Anonymous wrote:Just agree, what is the big deal. Why can't he have one day a week and decision making with his child? Its in the child's best interests for Dad to be involved with a regular schedule.

You must not be able to read well. He has never been denied any of those things. He CHOSE not to participate in his son's life. He still chooses not to do homework, take him to therapy, talk to the teachers, but wants to have a say in how I do it. What is he going to base his decisions on exactly? He has no knowledge of what is going on.

Anonymous wrote:What constitutes legal joint custody, why is that a big deal, and does it need to be 50/50?

And having a dad play with their kid only 1 day a week, while the mom does most of the heavy lifting, sounds about right in many families. Not saying it is the way it should be, just stating that this is how it is in many non-divorce situations.

It's a big deal because I would need to consult him before every decision I make for our child. He has never expressed any interest in participating before. He has not attended a single school meeting. And if I'm perfectly honest it really pisses me off that after 11 years he is trying to pull this stunt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

If mom and dad both contribute $400 a month, depending on the child it is plenty. We only spend more because of activities and not all kids do as much as ours.

$400 is enough for what exactly? My child can eat $200 of that, so that leaves the other $200 for a place to live, clothes, medical, etc. In what universe is that enough?

I am the OP and I have a an ok job (make about $100,000). I don't consider us poor, but every penny I earn goes towards caring for our child. We live a very modest life.

What constitutes legal joint custody, why is that a big deal, and does it need to be 50/50?

And having a dad play with their kid only 1 day a week, while the mom does most of the heavy lifting, sounds about right in many families. Not saying it is the way it should be, just stating that this is how it is in many non-divorce situations.

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

If mom and dad both contribute $400 a month, depending on the child it is plenty. We only spend more because of activities and not all kids do as much as ours.

Just agree, what is the big deal. Why can't he have one day a week and decision making with his child? Its in the child's best interests for Dad to be involved with a regular schedule.

*father not son in the first sentence!

You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

Consult a lawyer and see whether you can’t get more child support.

My ex and I have an 11-year-old child. I have had 100% custody since the day he was born because my ex did not want to do any parenting. We never got a court order (we weren't married) but our son has been with me 100% of the time. He didn't spend one single night with his father in 11 years. We even live in the same building because I thought it would make it easier for my ex to see his son if they only had an elevator ride between them. During all this time, he has only paid the amount of child support he deems is fair which is about $400/month. He hasn't had a real job despite his advanced degrees since 2011 when he got laid off.

After 11 years he took me to court to seek joint legal custody and visitation. He does not want any physical custody per his complaint. In his complaint, he admits I was the one taking care of our son all this time and calls me a loving mother. He just wants to see him on Sundays for a fun playtime. That is all he is asking for (which he already has BTW). However, he wants joint legal custody. So this joker wants me to do all of the hard work of parenting but have a say in how I do it. He doesn't want to nor has he EVER gone to a parent-teacher conference, doctor's appt, therapist appt., but he does want a say in all of this.

Unreal! OK vent over.