My 18yo DD)college freshman) will have meals with us and is pleasant enough but then goes to her room. She really doesn't want to do anything with us- she's been this way for years. No family movie night, no painting, no walks, nada. It makes me sad as we have suggested many things but it's always a "no" response. We have been loving parents and have been supportive but she's been this way for the last few years. She has been to therapists, etc. as she has ADHD and anxiety (but won't consistently take medication). She did some foolish impulsive things in high school (which is goes with ADHD) which made for a bad high school experience. Unfortunately I think we got bundled in with the negative feelings. Fortunately she loves being away at college (but like everyone else it was cut short and fingers crossed for a fall return). At least our 2 DS enjoy doing stuff with us but I would so love to do some things with my DD.

There is a company online that will create paint by numbers from your photos so you could do that together. My daughter and I like to binge watch terrible shows together. Right now we are watching Making the Cut on Amazon - basically Project Runway but not even as good.

well, today we did a lot of heavy lifting yard work. Needed to be done, and after my speech that I want to treat her like an adult, but I can't do that if she doesn't step up more to keep the house standing, she wasn't going to sit on her ass while I worked mine off. We got a ton of spring jobs done with friendliness and camaraderie.

We all hate yard work in our house. It needs doing. We don't have the money to hire people.

Anonymous wrote:These are great suggestions! I have two HS teens and I love this idea of a paint night, then a calligraphy.

We are playing a lot of games - Cataan. Thinking games.
Another good one is Codenames.

If anyone has a good idea for a scavenger hunt for older kids (I know it sounds cheesy but I'm thinking of wandering theneighborhood looking for things)

I made a sort of scavenger hunt for my teen - a trail of clues had him running around the house and outside and finally led him to a box of chocolate. I wrote all the clues as really bad rhyming riddles. For all the effort it took he did it in an awfully short amount of time, but he said it lifted his spirits.

There is a new cards against humanity set out for free -- you just have to print. More PG-13 than their usual sets.

Cards Against Humanity

We cook new things and take turns being head and sous chef

We all read the same book and have an extended family book club

We went through ALL her clothes and got rid of everything she doesn't like or wear, then I let her do that with my wardrobe. She's VERY pleased with what she's left me with.

We worked on the same Paint By Numbers at different times.

We re-taught ourselves how to knit and made complementary scarves for each other.

Anonymous wrote:Binge watching a TV show? It's low key and she doesn't feel pressure to keep conversation going. My 17 yo son and I aren't connecting very much either, but he and I have been able to connect watching TV shows together. He has a very similar sense of humor as I do, and we've enjoyed watching shows like The Office. We just finished Tiger King, that was fun to watch with him and make little comments through it to each other.

Me again. My 14 yo DD and I are still well connected, but thought I'd throw this out anyway since it could be helpful, she and I are refinishing a piece of furniture for her bedroom.

Binge watching a TV show? It's low key and she doesn't feel pressure to keep conversation going. My 17 yo son and I aren't connecting very much either, but he and I have been able to connect watching TV shows together. He has a very similar sense of humor as I do, and we've enjoyed watching shows like The Office. We just finished Tiger King, that was fun to watch with him and make little comments through it to each other.

Our two at home with us now -- boys 18 and 21 -- are not overly interactive with their parents so a couple of things have been successful: (1) cooking. They each are cooking meals -- sloppy joes was last night. Teaching family recipies and they already have the basic skills and abilities. (2) movies. We have rotated picking favorite movies of all time with the proviso that they must be free on one of the channels that we already have. We have seen Howl's Moving Castle, and Sinister. We had them watch Diner and Risky Business - favorites from when we were their age. It's been fun as siblings living elsewhere have given their favorites and even their Grandmother (her's is Giant).

These are great suggestions! I have two HS teens and I love this idea of a paint night, then a calligraphy.

We are playing a lot of games - Cataan. Thinking games.
Another good one is Codenames.

If anyone has a good idea for a scavenger hunt for older kids (I know it sounds cheesy but I'm thinking of wandering theneighborhood looking for things)

This depends a lot on what the issue is. If you are butting heads vs just feeling distant, the solution may look different.

My 20 year old and dh are building and painting a pong table together. Or course, we know the kid drinks at college and are comfortable with that, so that is specific to our family.

The 19 year old and I are painting sorority canvases.

We are re-doing the 17 year olds room, so that’s a lot of planning and online shopping and setting up.

The 15 year old is helping me build and maintain a website

Basically, it’s best to meet them where they are and go with their interests. Don’t think there isn’t conflict and we aren’t driving each other crazy. We definitely are. Especially because dh tries to turn everything into a competition when the kids are all here for some reason. But we’re doing just fine.

I think you need to come up with some side by side projects, like redoing a room by painting it? Gardening? Something you are both new at, so you’re not the expert. Acknowledge that this sucks to be home from college. What about putting family photos into a Shutterfly book? Have her teach you something. Work on a service project together. Watch funny movies together. Thank her for everything she does around the house to help, no matter how minor. Ask her about college and what she is looking forward to when returning. Just try to listen and give her space, but do some things together. You can sit down with her and tell her you sense that the relationship is strained and ask what she thinks would help.

I have a high school and college DD. They are pretty busy with classes now but that's coming to an end soon and we'll need more options. For now we are cooking new things together - collecting recipes and making lists so we get all the ingredients on weekly shopping trips.

PP mentioned paint night - we did an online art class (just pencil sketch because we don't have supplies) and it was fun! We're going to try calligraphy next.

We watch movies and go for walks. They alternate days doing their laundry and cleaning rooms. I give them plenty of freedom to be online with friends. They are pretty easy going. One is a big reader so I have to make sure her library card is up to date so she can get books online when classes end.

A Paint Nite?

I've seen lots of coupons for cheap ones.

My 19yr old DD and I are really struggling with our relationship right now. I’m so happy she’s home, but it seems like we just can’t seem to get along. Any ideas for quarantine fun that could lighten the mood and bring us closer?