There is no relationship. He is incapable. Defective. Abnormal. Broken. Unreliable. Hurtful. Immature. Mind blind.

Anonymous wrote:How do you manage to keep you relationship together?

Disassociate

Socialize elsewhere

Protect the kids

Work fulltime

Exercise

Plan your exit

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you manage to keep you relationship together?

Just to clarify, things like ADD or aspergers are not personality disorders. The latter is a structural brain issue where connections, messages, observations, processing are not made/ go not always go through in the brain.

PP above you. I included ADHD and Asperger's just because those are the only diagnoses my husband has, and he is already proving irrational and abusive with those two. He also has some sort of defiant, oppositional streak which makes everything worse (he goes out of his way to sabotage certain important events), but it hasn't been diagnosed - maybe that's the personality disorder, but it's not official.

The bottom line is that there are plenty of personality disorders that patients refuse to seek help for, or which have not yet been crystallized into a diagnosis, and they all need to be managed just as seriously as if they were official.

Same here. It’s exhausting and unfruitful. Aspergers at this age is quite untreatable. ADD at least has some meds.

ASD all one can do once at the regular adult temper tantrums stage is treat the side “anxiety” (anger explosions).

What I hate most is the inability to have a back and forth conversation at dinner, with the kids, with me. He just sits there, literally saying nothing and thinking nothing, not even reacting to what is going on in the house. His parents are the same way . I’ve given up leading all the conversations and questions; it’s too exhausting for more than a day or two.

But ASD is not a personality disorder, it is a neuro disability, that presents as personality disorders such as narcissism. The lack of executive functioning skills, poor verbal communication, and bipolar-ness (can only be 100% non emotional or angry - only two emotions are demonstrated) are never ending as well.

He may think he’s one thing but his behaviors demonstrates he is something else. The behaviors are what matter, not what someone neuroAtypical thinks about himself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you manage to keep you relationship together?

Just to clarify, things like ADD or aspergers are not personality disorders. The latter is a structural brain issue where connections, messages, observations, processing are not made/ go not always go through in the brain.

PP above you. I included ADHD and Asperger's just because those are the only diagnoses my husband has, and he is already proving irrational and abusive with those two. He also has some sort of defiant, oppositional streak which makes everything worse (he goes out of his way to sabotage certain important events), but it hasn't been diagnosed - maybe that's the personality disorder, but it's not official.

The bottom line is that there are plenty of personality disorders that patients refuse to seek help for, or which have not yet been crystallized into a diagnosis, and they all need to be managed just as seriously as if they were official.

Be very aware that some personality disorders may worsen with age, and become unmanageable for anyone in the later years. Keeping the relationship together may destroy you overtime.

Anonymous wrote:How do you manage to keep you relationship together?

Just to clarify, things like ADD or aspergers are not personality disorders. The latter is a structural brain issue where connections, messages, observations, processing are not made/ go not always go through in the brain.

How do you define love in that context?

I feel a kinship bond and duty of care for this person. Do I love them in the "movie" term of the word, after all their nastiness, during episodes of which I never know the parts of assholery and disease? No.

If I could magic my way out of the relationship, I would. But that's not happening, so I'm making the best of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually diagnosed or suspected disorder? Meds or no meds?

There are no meds for personality disorder.

The vast, vast majority of personality disorders are comorbid with mood disorders such as anxiety and depression for which medication can help. The underlying issue (the personality disorder) cannot be treated with medication, but treating anxiety/depression that come along with it can be very helpful.

Anonymous wrote:don't love her anymore I"m just afraid of her.

Yes this exactly.

I’m divorcing but he did DBT for 4 years and probably will make a good partner in the future.

don't love her anymore I"m just afraid of her.

Usually people living with a partner with a personality disorder, develop one themselves. My FIL is NPD, my BIL is BPD and my MIL is DPD.

The trigger was my FIL.

Anonymous wrote:Actually diagnosed or suspected disorder? Meds or no meds?

There are no meds for personality disorder.

Actually diagnosed or suspected disorder? Meds or no meds?

How do you manage to keep you relationship together?