So funny story. When my kid was 3 I looked after a friends kid also 3 and her younger brother for a whole day because the Mom was doing something with the older SN child.
We got in the car and I lifted my3yo into her car seat and strapped her in, then did the same for the 1yo. When I looked at the other 3yo she was in her seat, all strapped in and ready to go. She told me she always does it herself.

She also brushed her own teeth and was super independent in general. My kid was and still is an only and I think sometimes we do more for them than we need to just because we can and its quicker.
My friends 3yo has a severely disabled older sibling and a toddler younger sibling so became independent because she had to.

So I think you need to find what works for you and what doesn't OP.
6yo should definitely be self sufficent in the bathroom, if they make a mess they clean it up. 4yo should be mostly sufficient too I would think.
They should both be able to dress themselves and get undressed at bedtime.
Make sure you allow time for these things to happen though, it always takes longer when they do it themselves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what area are you trying to make them independent? Im confused.
Get dressed and use the bathroom themselves? or put themselves to bed? These don't happen at the same time.

All of these.

Independent enough to make my life easier. That sounds bad but I’m struggling as explained above.

Not financial as someone said. Just more independence so I’m not cleaning and basically doing everything. I don’t feel any different than the baby stage. I’m feeding and cleaning still. They help a little surprisingly but I’m on them, it’s time for chores. Remember to use the bathroom next time.

I think your 6yo should be completely independent in the bathroom but still need reminding to go before bed and before leaving the house. At 4 mine still needed help wiping after poop but we worked on it at at that age and she would do it herself by 5.
I tell my 6yo to put her own shoes on and get coat etc when we leave the house. She can tie shoes but sometimes I help just because of time.
I do all meals but healthy snacks are accessible to her, we only really eat 2 snacks a day though, she still has to ask me, but then can get it herself.

Bedtime. I turn the shower on and put her shower hat on her head. She washes, dries off and gets jammies on herself. I still do her teeth. I read at bedtime then she reads to herself for 20 mins then turns her light out herself.

Can you figure out an easier way to support the bathroom regression? Timed bathroom trips/reminders or something? For during the lock down, only.

Anonymous wrote:In what area are you trying to make them independent? Im confused.
Get dressed and use the bathroom themselves? or put themselves to bed? These don't happen at the same time.

All of these.

Independent enough to make my life easier. That sounds bad but I’m struggling as explained above.

Not financial as someone said. Just more independence so I’m not cleaning and basically doing everything. I don’t feel any different than the baby stage. I’m feeding and cleaning still. They help a little surprisingly but I’m on them, it’s time for chores. Remember to use the bathroom next time.

In what area are you trying to make them independent? Im confused.
Get dressed and use the bathroom themselves? or put themselves to bed? These don't happen at the same time.

Dress themselves for bed...around 8 sounds about right but independence doesn’t really set in until about 12/13 and even then they will forget things and need to be reminded. As for stressing yourself out with homeschooling....just don’t do it. The 4 year old doesn’t need it at all and the 6 year old can cut the school year a bit short....just focus on one thing like reading 30-40 minutes a day and be done with it.

Truly completely independent, financially, geographically? 25 or so.

It depends on the kid but usually 8-10 is a good start. Your kids will probably still need more support than most.

Two kids 6 and about to be 4. 6 year old has ASD. I run A tight ship, we trained with ABA and follow up reinforcement to help with dishes, pick up his plate and dress himself for bed. Win. BUT during this pandemic he’s regressed in the bathroom. My soon to be 4 year old has too. So here I am trying to homeschool while cleaning pee and poop. It’s quite miserable. The 6 year old is actually slightly better than the 4 year old despite his autism and occasional meltdowns/ridgidness. They are way past the age to slap some diapers on them again.

I know all about consequences and making them clean up after themselves. But this is different. They aren’t sleeping well and have anxiety. I’m just really wanting to know when kids truly become independent. When can I expect to say we’ll get dressed it’s time for bed? 8 or 10? Please tell me it gets better.