I have a 4 year old. After purées she ate what we eat. Sometimes deconstructed instead of mixed together (we have a salad all mixed and she gets a plate with tomatoes, cucumbers, pieces of lettuce and egg). I occasionally with offer her an addition of something like pasta and a cheese stick if I'm serving something totally brand new to her and she may not take to it the first time. But only upon request.
I have an infant too and already my 4 year old is asking when the baby can eat our dinner. So the baby is getting some things from our plates mushed together by the 4 year old.
I grew up with no such thing as kid food or special dinner, there was food on the table, relatively healthy, eat it or don't.

Op here - interesting advice thanks! Do you think I can just go cold turkey and stop making the food they have been eating and insisting they eat our food? What do you do for lunch? I hate having to think of food for everybody every day. When I was single and living by myself I ate popcorn for like 6 months straight for dinner.

I have also implemented the snack basket so they can only get what is in the basket each day and once it is gone it’s gone. I hate the revolving kitchen door situation that is happening during quarantine.

Anonymous wrote:So far I have been making a separate dinner for my kids (3 and 5 years old) because they are picky eaters. I want to get away from that and just make them eat what we eat. If they don’t eat then they don’t eat. Is that reasonable? I think the 5 year old will do ok but the 3 year old is super stubborn and picky. I bet she goes months without dinner. Would that be horrible?

OP, why do you think they're super stubborn and picky? Perchance because they know that they can hold you hostage as a short order cook?

Of course it's reasonable to expect them to eat what you eat.

Just do it.

Anonymous wrote:I've never made separate dinner for the kids and frankly think the whole idea of doing that is bizarre. Of course the kids should eat what the family eats. But I wouldn't make something really bizarre, just basic meals (usually meat or fish, a couple veggies, some starch side like potatoes or couscous, salad) and at least something on the table is an item I know the kids really like. I do allow a substitution or two. For example, if I'm making roasted asparagus and one of my kids doesn't like that, they are welcome to swap in a no effort side like baby carrots and dip.

Same. There’s no way in the world I’d do separate meals.

They best they get from me is over easy v over hard. That’s it.

They eat what we eat for the most part.

Always one meal. No time for more. When babies, would chop up a stew finely, or give kids tacos or stirfry before adding hot sauce or Sriracha. Now in elementary school, kids cook dinner at least one night a week.

Only downside so far is that they turn up their noses at the kids menu at restaurants, so it's more expensive when we (rarely) dine out because they want to eat the real food.

Your kids will not starve. I found it's helpful if they don't eat to just Saran Wrap their plate and offer it again later that evening if they say they get hungry. My sons are in growing streaks right now so I'd let them have a bowl of cereal before bed but only if they ate their dinner. If not, I direct them back to the plate of dinner that I left in the fridge and they would have to eat that first. Or they can have a glass of milk - or they can be hungry. That's ok too, so long as I've offered a healthy meal.

Anonymous wrote:I've never made separate dinner for the kids and frankly think the whole idea of doing that is bizarre. Of course the kids should eat what the family eats. But I wouldn't make something really bizarre, just basic meals (usually meat or fish, a couple veggies, some starch side like potatoes or couscous, salad) and at least something on the table is an item I know the kids really like. I do allow a substitution or two. For example, if I'm making roasted asparagus and one of my kids doesn't like that, they are welcome to swap in a no effort side like baby carrots and dip.

Same, although mine went through a very picky stage and I totally understand why it's easier to make a separate meal. But we did the Satter division of responsibility thing, so simplified our meals to make them more palatable, and also allow a substitution like a different veggie or carb if I'm making something I know they don't like. We're very gradually working our way back to more complex family meals and also changing all of our eating patterns to accommodate the picky but healthier preferences (i.e., no beef, more tofu. Works for me!).

They eat what we eat, and have to try at least 3 bites of everything. Some years one of them will hit a picky streak, but since none of them have sensory food issues (different ball game there), I know they will eat when they are hungry.

My kids have always eaten what we eat, except if it's spicy, then I make them that food without the spice. I still do this for the younger DC. I didn't allow substitutions, either. They are 11 and 14 now, and for a while, yes, they were picky, but 14 yr old is now a fairly adventurous eater because we kept encouraging DC to try new things. DC has now found a whole world of new flavors. We are kind of foodies, so variety is really important to us. I try to not make something I know they really really hate, but that means one or two dishes. They can't hate all but two dishes.

We meal plan as a family once a week, so the kids know what to expect for dinner. I also started out giving my kids choices, but they had to eat their choices. I catered their choices to what I knew they would eat. I also required that they taste (just 1 fork or spoonful) of the things they did not choose, if applicable. For example: baked chicken - you get choice of what piece of the chicken and whether or not you get bbq sauce or gravy or nothing on it, vegetable/fruit - you get a choice of asparagus or apple sauce, salad - you get a choice of what type of salad dressing and if you want a special topping (my son loves nuts on is salad, my daughter loves raisins), carb - you get a choice of Mac and cheese or potatoes. So what if they start out eating a wing with bbq sauce, apple sauce, a mostly raisin salad, and Mac and cheese at 3 or 5... but the time they are 7 or 8 because they have tried the asparagus, potatoes, and chicken breast they are. Dry likely to like and enjoy those foods as well.

As an aside, we also do a kids pick night where they get to pick what we have for dinner.... for YEARS it was Chick-fil-A, then for YEARS it was pizza, but the only way they have kids pick night is if EVERYONE ate their dinner 5 out of 6 nights during the rest of the week. Their siblings will strongly encourage them to eat and will even help the younger ones figure out the best choices to make when we are meal planning for the week.

They don't always eat what we eat but I don't make them anything else!

I do always put something on their plate that I know they like. And if they try everything they get a treat after dinner (even if just a bite of something).

Currently doing it with my 4 and 2 year old. As soon as he was eating real food and not like, cut up pieces of grapes and avocado, he was at the dinner table eating what we eat.

One thing that I think makes this work (four year old is now a good eater and tries everything, ate a scallop a couple days ago) is that it is not a fight. If they don't want to eat it is no big deal. We don't fight about it and there are no punishments. Sometimes they get mad at me if they're hungry and don't like what I made. And in that case if they try everything but don't like it I will make them like, a piece of toast or something.

Another thing that helps is trying to observe like, are they starving today? If so I'll make quesadillas or spaghetti or something I know is a guaranteed hit so they aren't STARVING. But I observe and make that decision without their input so they don't think they can control the outcome of dinner.

You might want to post this on the food board. FYI I found the cookbook No Whine with Dinner to be super helpful when my kids were your kids' ages.

I've never made separate dinner for the kids and frankly think the whole idea of doing that is bizarre. Of course the kids should eat what the family eats. But I wouldn't make something really bizarre, just basic meals (usually meat or fish, a couple veggies, some starch side like potatoes or couscous, salad) and at least something on the table is an item I know the kids really like. I do allow a substitution or two. For example, if I'm making roasted asparagus and one of my kids doesn't like that, they are welcome to swap in a no effort side like baby carrots and dip.

So far I have been making a separate dinner for my kids (3 and 5 years old) because they are picky eaters. I want to get away from that and just make them eat what we eat. If they don’t eat then they don’t eat. Is that reasonable? I think the 5 year old will do ok but the 3 year old is super stubborn and picky. I bet she goes months without dinner. Would that be horrible?