Anonymous
03/31/2020 17:03
Subject: Trust but Verify?
The last time a poster here had a spouse refusing to share financial information, it was because the spouse had terrible credit and a ton of debt they had lied about...
Anonymous
03/31/2020 17:02
Subject: Trust but Verify?
Oh lord. Please tell me you at least co-own your house and have a job/aren't 100% relying on him for financial support.
Anonymous
03/31/2020 17:00
Subject: Re:Trust but Verify?
Are you the same lady who was complaining you discovered the house your husband just bought is in his name only? I don't understand marriages like this.
Anonymous
03/31/2020 16:59
Subject: Re:Trust but Verify?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Have you asked to look at bank statements or passwords to online accounts? What does he say if you ask to see these things for yourself?
Nope I haven’t seen anything. I don’t have privy. He gets very defensive if I ask so I don’t bother anymore.
That is a major red flag. You need to demand that you know where the money is going.
Anonymous
03/31/2020 16:55
Subject: Re:Trust but Verify?
OP here
Well unfortunately when I have pressed him to see any evidence it has always caused a argument. So now I’ve resorted to shrugs and snarky comments when he brings up any financial discussion where he uses the terms, “we “and “our “. I don’t understand his reluctance to include me in the actual evidence except that he’s full of s***. How else would anyone interpret this? I’m not a very trusting person so this makes me feel very that he is full of it.
Well unfortunately when I have pressed him to see any evidence it has always caused a argument. So now I’ve resorted to shrugs and snarky comments when he brings up any financial discussion where he uses the terms, “we “and “our “. I don’t understand his reluctance to include me in the actual evidence except that he’s full of s***. How else would anyone interpret this? I’m not a very trusting person so this makes me feel very that he is full of it.
Anonymous
03/31/2020 16:44
Subject: Re:Trust but Verify?
My husband will show me anything if I ask. Periodically he updates an excel spreadsheet with all account info so if something happened to him I would have easy access.
Anonymous
03/31/2020 16:42
Subject: Trust but Verify?
Anonymous wrote:This is crazy. We have a file with all of our investments, life insurance, home and car deeds, bank accounts, etc. Even our dc ( late teens) know where all of our financial records are!
We began traveling without them and so I wanted them to know where the will is and all our accounts in case something happened.
My dh has my retirement passwword and login for my work account and I have his. We both know joint accounts.
You need these and so just use covid as excuse to follow him to his office or room where he keeps all papers and ask to physically see. If online sit with him until he has given you password and log in.
I cannot imagine not knowing this information. It does not need to be an argument but what possible reason would a spouse say no to this request. If mine did, I would be so confused and hurt. The lack of trust would render the relationship no more than a light friendship or a business relationship.
I hope you get answers. Best of luck.
He uses the good ole why don’t you trust me ?!...
Anonymous
03/31/2020 16:41
Subject: Re:Trust but Verify?
Anonymous wrote:Have you asked to look at bank statements or passwords to online accounts? What does he say if you ask to see these things for yourself?
Nope I haven’t seen anything. I don’t have privy. He gets very defensive if I ask so I don’t bother anymore.
Anonymous
03/31/2020 16:30
Subject: Trust but Verify?
This is crazy. We have a file with all of our investments, life insurance, home and car deeds, bank accounts, etc. Even our dc ( late teens) know where all of our financial records are!
We began traveling without them and so I wanted them to know where the will is and all our accounts in case something happened.
My dh has my retirement passwword and login for my work account and I have his. We both know joint accounts.
You need these and so just use covid as excuse to follow him to his office or room where he keeps all papers and ask to physically see. If online sit with him until he has given you password and log in.
I cannot imagine not knowing this information. It does not need to be an argument but what possible reason would a spouse say no to this request. If mine did, I would be so confused and hurt. The lack of trust would render the relationship no more than a light friendship or a business relationship.
I hope you get answers. Best of luck.
We began traveling without them and so I wanted them to know where the will is and all our accounts in case something happened.
My dh has my retirement passwword and login for my work account and I have his. We both know joint accounts.
You need these and so just use covid as excuse to follow him to his office or room where he keeps all papers and ask to physically see. If online sit with him until he has given you password and log in.
I cannot imagine not knowing this information. It does not need to be an argument but what possible reason would a spouse say no to this request. If mine did, I would be so confused and hurt. The lack of trust would render the relationship no more than a light friendship or a business relationship.
I hope you get answers. Best of luck.
Anonymous
03/31/2020 16:29
Subject: Re:Trust but Verify?
Have you asked to look at bank statements or passwords to online accounts? What does he say if you ask to see these things for yourself?
Anonymous
03/31/2020 16:19
Subject: Trust but Verify?
I trust my husband to manage all stocks, retirement and finances and I am breadwinner. He doesn’t work. I rarely Ask for proof but he will provide it.
Anonymous
03/31/2020 16:16
Subject: Trust but Verify?
Anonymous wrote:What are you even talking about? You're married so you're entitled to 50/50. I lost valuable braincells reading this post.
Oh sorry I guess I should’ve mentioned I signed a prenup years ago. A crappy one at that .
Anonymous
03/31/2020 16:16
Subject: Re:Trust but Verify?
I trust my husband so I have no need to verify. He periodically gives me an update on how all of our investments are doing (right now I don’t want to know) and I’m included in all meetings with advisors if I want to attend. Some times I do. I handle all of our day to day finances and he never asks to see the bank statements or credit card reports. He trusts me. It’s worked this way for 35 years.
Anonymous
03/31/2020 16:04
Subject: Trust but Verify?
What are you even talking about? You're married so you're entitled to 50/50. I lost valuable braincells reading this post.
Anonymous
03/31/2020 15:49
Subject: Trust but Verify?
My DH is it really good husband. . I Just have one problem. His refusal to show me anything in writing and wants me to just take his word. As far as monies, investments Etc. For example the other day he said he was going to buy some stock when it drops to a certain amount. I said great can you buy me some too? When he replied WE are buying stock. I replied with a snarky “oh really?” And then he went on to say it was in some sort of joint account blah blah blah. My issue is I’ve never seen any evidence whatsoever in our entire marriage in writing, only his words. I have such a tough time believing anything that I don’t see legal evidence of. So how many wives out there trust their husbands word?