Anonymous wrote:People, you got married for better and for worse. A lot of people fall out of love, but they made a commitment. Then they fall back into love again.

Unless you're being abused, you have no right to complain. You made a promise to stick with someone through thick and thin. what did that mean to you? That you'd stick by them no matter what, except boredom?

Are you really too parochial and dim to grasp that not everyone takes the same silly television vows you did?

People, you got married for better and for worse. A lot of people fall out of love, but they made a commitment. Then they fall back into love again.

Unless you're being abused, you have no right to complain. You made a promise to stick with someone through thick and thin. what did that mean to you? That you'd stick by them no matter what, except boredom?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies I’m 44 and was a SAHM for an increasingly abusive high earning man. We had young kids and I was a trailing spouse far from family. M
I kicked his drunk ass out, went back to work, and in year two (sales) made over $350,000. I have primary physical custody and an active and fun dating life.

The single biggest take away from quarantine is that instead of being lonely and frightened with low self esteem I am a capable, independent woman who is in charge of my peaceful home and life.

If they’re mean- GET OUT. It’s terrifying but you can DO it and nothing will ever make you more proud and enabled.

It’s not lonely being single. It was horribly lonely being alone and married to a good guy gone bad.

I really hate how you dismiss financial concerns-especially in this climate where layoffs are likely and hiring is stagnant. Get real, most former SAHMs will never make 350K. Most people who lean in their whole lives won’t make 350K!

It helps no one to be flippant about real financial problems.

I’m not dismissing anything. I’m sharing my actual firsthand personal experience. I’m a college dropout and those are the facts, for me. Not meant to do anything other than to encourage. You don’t know what you can do (or earn) for your kids till you have to, was trying to provide hope that life can change dramatically and quickly when you believe in yourself enough to know you deserve better! Being treated like crap WHILE being financially subservient is the pits.

Anonymous wrote:
Same, except I’m on a visa and can’t stay here if I get divorced.

Do you have children?

If not, it could be worth it to cut your losses and go home. If yes, you need to get your green card and apply for citizenship ASAP. It’s a wait if 3 years but worth it considering how much better your employment options will be. Make a plan. Leaving immediately is not feasible because of the Pandemic, but having something to look forward to can help a lot - even if it is 3 years down the line...

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I'm in a similar situation.
I appreciated the "good man gone bad" comment by one pp, that sums it up for me.

Can we collectively come up with positive steps that we can all work on together? Steps to take to improve all aspects of our situations: mental health, financial well being, job propects, relationships with friends and family, physical health, etc. Let's make a list of big and small things we can do to better our situations.

I'll start with some ideas.

Small:
* Take a walk/exercise every day
* Eat well (fruites, veggies, etc)
* Call/text a friend every day

Big:
* Identify work goals
* Take a hard look at financial situation

Yes, good guy gone bad sums it up for me too. I met him about a year after a horrible breakup and I was so excited to finally be with a nice guy who made me feel secure, even though I never had that passionately in love feeling that I had with the guys who broke my heart. We had a nice relationship for a while. But, fast forward to after our first kid was born, and just snapped. The ADHD came out and did the meanness. I completely regret marrying him, and I really just wish that, at a minimum, I could be properly laid again before I hit menopause.

Anonymous wrote:Ladies I’m 44 and was a SAHM for an increasingly abusive high earning man. We had young kids and I was a trailing spouse far from family. M
I kicked his drunk ass out, went back to work, and in year two (sales) made over $350,000. I have primary physical custody and an active and fun dating life.

The single biggest take away from quarantine is that instead of being lonely and frightened with low self esteem I am a capable, independent woman who is in charge of my peaceful home and life.

If they’re mean- GET OUT. It’s terrifying but you can DO it and nothing will ever make you more proud and enabled.

It’s not lonely being single. It was horribly lonely being alone and married to a good guy gone bad.

I really hate how you dismiss financial concerns-especially in this climate where layoffs are likely and hiring is stagnant. Get real, most former SAHMs will never make 350K. Most people who lean in their whole lives won’t make 350K!

It helps no one to be flippant about real financial problems.

Hi OP. I'm in a similar situation.
I appreciated the "good man gone bad" comment by one pp, that sums it up for me.

Can we collectively come up with positive steps that we can all work on together? Steps to take to improve all aspects of our situations: mental health, financial well being, job propects, relationships with friends and family, physical health, etc. Let's make a list of big and small things we can do to better our situations.

I'll start with some ideas.

Small:
* Take a walk/exercise every day
* Eat well (fruites, veggies, etc)
* Call/text a friend every day

Big:
* Identify work goals
* Take a hard look at financial situation

Anonymous wrote:Ladies I’m 44 and was a SAHM for an increasingly abusive high earning man. We had young kids and I was a trailing spouse far from family. M
I kicked his drunk ass out, went back to work, and in year two (sales) made over $350,000. I have primary physical custody and an active and fun dating life.

The single biggest take away from quarantine is that instead of being lonely and frightened with low self esteem I am a capable, independent woman who is in charge of my peaceful home and life.

If they’re mean- GET OUT. It’s terrifying but you can DO it and nothing will ever make you more proud and enabled.

It’s not lonely being single. It was horribly lonely being alone and married to a good guy gone bad.

I am in a happy marriage but my heart goes out to Op and other women like her. Getting out right now isn't much of an option these days. Where is Op supposed to find a job and how will she be able to support herself?

And you think it's typical for a person who has been out of the workforce for years to step back in and make 350K? Even in the best of times that is highly unlikely. You might as well be advising her to go win the lottery.

Same, except I’m on a visa and can’t stay here if I get divorced.

Ladies I’m 44 and was a SAHM for an increasingly abusive high earning man. We had young kids and I was a trailing spouse far from family. M
I kicked his drunk ass out, went back to work, and in year two (sales) made over $350,000. I have primary physical custody and an active and fun dating life.

The single biggest take away from quarantine is that instead of being lonely and frightened with low self esteem I am a capable, independent woman who is in charge of my peaceful home and life.

If they’re mean- GET OUT. It’s terrifying but you can DO it and nothing will ever make you more proud and enabled.

It’s not lonely being single. It was horribly lonely being alone and married to a good guy gone bad.

God it feels comforting to know I am not alone. Husband is an overly-critical alcoholic. Slowly realizing I should get out while I am still in my 30s. I find myself fantasizing about life with anyone BUT him and am so angry at myself for making a poor choice.

I’m in the same boat OP. My DH is grumpy, boring and sometimes mean. There is no fun or levity. He is completely withdrawn and I think that I would almost rather have sex with anyone but him.

Hopefully you have family and/or close friends who can assist you or at the very least provide you w/emotional support.

I wish you only the best.

So sorry you are feeling this way now OP.

You really need to seek counseling (& possible antidepressants) in order to better manage your current situation.

It may be challenging during this current crisis to find someone now - you may have to wait until things get back to normal first.

But in the meantime, work on a plan.

I’m so terribly sad and lonely. I’m married to a roommate. I can’t remember the last time he touched me. I’m financially dependent on him now and can’t imagine what pita it would be to divorce. I know it’s the right thing to do but I’m too scared to say anything.i hate change. The quarantine forced me to realize how much I don’t like being around him. It’s not that I don’t like him, I wouldn’t go out of my way to be with him. I realized in the last few days what I was afraid to admit for long time. I’m out of love with him. I know it’s mutual. We have kids. They’d survive but it’s easier if we stay together. I hate myself. I hate what I’ve become. I hate how I’ve settled. I hate that I’ve wasted away so many years. I’m probably never going to be touched by a man again.