My husband knows that I’m sometimes not in the mood and I’m sure he is not thrilled with it but when I am really in the mood game on! A good BJ and HJ makes him forget many things. He knows that sex is not on mind as frequently as his but when it is it’s great. He’s really good about reading my mood so turn downs are pretty infrequent and we have sex about twice a week which isn’t bad after being married 28 years.

Women actually enjoy the cruel feeling of power they get from rejecting their husband and watching him slink away.

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I’m curious to know why this hurts men so much. I’ve heard lots of women say the moment they turn their husband down, they get all nasty and sulky.

They feel their husband’s behavior is unreasonable. However, from a male’s perspective, is this reasonable?

It is reasonable for him to feel hurt, but it is bad strategy to show that he is.

Tough to hide it, though - women can smell butthurt a mile away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I’m curious to know why this hurts men so much. I’ve heard lots of women say the moment they turn their husband down, they get all nasty and sulky.

They feel their husband’s behavior is unreasonable. However, from a male’s perspective, is this reasonable?

How do you feel when you get turned down for sex?

Women can never understand this because it is easy for them to get sex.

Once in awhile she says no and I’m OK with it because I like her to be in the mood. But if saying no was SOP I would have a big problem with it. I’ve said no to her a few times and we survive.

DH has explained that for him, sex = feeling accepted and embraced. It's also a super important way for him to show he cares. It's a form of communication.

So turning that down feels like rejecting him as a person, and not wanting his love.

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I’m curious to know why this hurts men so much. I’ve heard lots of women say the moment they turn their husband down, they get all nasty and sulky.

They feel their husband’s behavior is unreasonable. However, from a male’s perspective, is this reasonable?

How do you feel when you get turned down for sex?

She used me to get kids. I'm off her radar, now. Resent her. Must not let the kids sense my estrangement. Focus on the kids.

Anytime your spouse doesn't give a flying f**k about your needs - be they emotional support needs or sexual intimacy needs, it hurts. You realize that this person just doesn't care about you. People stay thinking something will change but it rarely does.

At first it was about 50% of the time. That was frustrating and confusing.
Over time it became more and more common to the point where I had to stop pursuing intimacy because the rejection was having a profound effect on my mental health.
It was devastating.
It wasn't just sex, any physical contact was met with rejection. We talked about it but to no avail. Other than that, we got along very well.

I've been gone for more than 10 years. I am remarried and have an active sex life. In retrospect, I cannot believe that I stayed for as long as I did and wish that I had not.

Woman here. I imagine it's exactly how I feel when I go to my partner for emotional support and get turned down. Of course getting nasty and sulky isn't the way to handle either situation.

Hurt, angry, unappreciated, unattractive. Need I say more?

^^ what he said. I am there too, 44. Ugh.

In my early 30s, I used to be in "problem solving mode" which was 'how can we fix this' - or "I bet this will get better when kids get older

In my late 30s I would get resentful that things never got better.

In my mid 40s I don't initiate and we are on a 3 month drought and I don't really want to have sex with her anymore. After a while you stop seeing your spouse as a sexual person if they reject you. I posted elsewhere our marriage is actually somewhat better without the initiation/rejection cycle. For now, I would rather be celibate and see my kids everyday but I know it's not sustainable in the long term.

As a woman, I’m curious to know why this hurts men so much. I’ve heard lots of women say the moment they turn their husband down, they get all nasty and sulky.

They feel their husband’s behavior is unreasonable. However, from a male’s perspective, is this reasonable?