I agree with 123 magic and also highly recommend the kazdin method book. The former is not a great read, but can be implemented quickly for quick results. For me, Kazdin was a game changer.

Get all caregivers on board with both.

It sounds like your kids need more structure like a clear schedule and discipline, as most kids do. Discipline is not necessarily a bad thing. It's about teaching norms.

Anonymous wrote:Books:

123 Magic,
Siblings Without Rivalry,
Your Child's Growing Mind,
T. Berry Brazelton's Touchpoints books,
The Last Child in the Woods.

Siblings without rivalry would be top of my list because you can teach your kids to settle their own arguments so they aren’t constantly running to you for intervention.

Make screen time a reward and not a given.

Anonymous wrote:You and your spouse need to set up a schedule for the day, and then you need to divide up who is taking what part of the schedule. It might be something like:

7-8am Kids get to watch tv
8-9am Breakfast and play games with Parent A. Parent B works
9-10am Go for a walk with Parent B. Parent A works
10-11am Color, art project, dance with Parent A. No screens. Parent B works
11-12pm Chores with Parent A. Laundry, making beds, wiping down toys
12-1pm Lunch as a family
1-2:30pm Quiet time. No screens Kids rest in their rooms. Parents work
2:30-3:30pm Go for walk with Parent B
3:30-4pm Snack and TV show for kids
4-5pm Read books, color, play games, dance, make music with Parent B while A works.
5-6pm Prepare dinner with Parent B.

Then switch off. The more structure you provide, the better. You have schedule in time to be together as a family and to know you can work without distraction. Worth a try.

Pretty much this. And written out so you can point to it. I would do longer blocks because sketching every hour for parents it's hard to get any work done. We did before and after lunch with Dh. As much outside time running in a yard or empty field as possible.

Books:

123 Magic,
Siblings Without Rivalry,
Your Child's Growing Mind,
T. Berry Brazelton's Touchpoints books,
The Last Child in the Woods.

You and your spouse need to set up a schedule for the day, and then you need to divide up who is taking what part of the schedule. It might be something like:

7-8am Kids get to watch tv
8-9am Breakfast and play games with Parent A. Parent B works
9-10am Go for a walk with Parent B. Parent A works
10-11am Color, art project, dance with Parent A. No screens. Parent B works
11-12pm Chores with Parent A. Laundry, making beds, wiping down toys
12-1pm Lunch as a family
1-2:30pm Quiet time. No screens Kids rest in their rooms. Parents work
2:30-3:30pm Go for walk with Parent B
3:30-4pm Snack and TV show for kids
4-5pm Read books, color, play games, dance, make music with Parent B while A works.
5-6pm Prepare dinner with Parent B.

Then switch off. The more structure you provide, the better. You have schedule in time to be together as a family and to know you can work without distraction. Worth a try.

I know it sounds crazy, but look up some of the babywise schedules for 3 & 5 year olds.

You can find more specifics on how it is done, but basically you get a sheet of paper and
- label wake-up time at the top and bedtime at the bottom
- put in nap time for your 3 y/o first. Those are usually non-negotiable.
- put in breakfast, lunch, and dinner times
- put in tv time/screen time before lunch and dinner (and I suggest clean-up time before tv)
- take the leftover segments and put in other activities: reading, “school,” crafts, free play, board games, chore time, quiet time, movie nights, etc.
- teach your kids how to tell time on a digital clock. “It’s not time for TV yet...we have clean-up at 12:30, then TV time. It’s only 12:00, so you need to find something to play. Come get me at 12:30.”

Anonymous wrote:Just play. Be around (and not on your phone) while they do things. Follow their lead in terms of what they want to do. If you have a fun idea (eg pretend play scenario) then jump in. Otherwise, sit back, observe, and help if asked. No more screens.

Thanks for the advice. This is going to sound ridiculous, but when they “just play” time is up (like when we have to WFH), all hell breaks loose. They just haven’t gotten the concept of every day is now a “family day” (what we call weekends since we both WOH during the week) but mommy and daddy have to get other things done. I know we’re far from the only ones going through this, I just didn’t expect it to be so hard on me.

Just play. Be around (and not on your phone) while they do things. Follow their lead in terms of what they want to do. If you have a fun idea (eg pretend play scenario) then jump in. Otherwise, sit back, observe, and help if asked. No more screens.

My advice is to pick one or two things to fix right away and work on that - its really hard to re-vamp everything single thing at once

I would implement times for meals and one hour of "rest time" in their rooms. Make them at very specific times and do not deviate. Do that first.

Then, add times for other things and rewards for good behavior.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a bad idea to send them to your in laws. You could potentially spread the virus around. Set up a daily schedule with meal times, craft time, Lego time, school time, quiet time, etc. . No snark here, but parents have done SO much entertaining of their kids bounce houses and trampolines?), they don't know how to entertain themselves.

Thanks, I understand your thought here but my in laws split their time between living with us and at their lake house, so we’ve all been self-isolating together for the past 2 weeks anyway. They’re just taking them to the lake, no worries of additional exposure.

And you’re right, they don’t know how to entertain themselves. We try to do a schedule but we’re failing miserably. I’d like to fix this AND overall how we parent, so looking for any advice there!

I think it's a bad idea to send them to your in laws. You could potentially spread the virus around. Set up a daily schedule with meal times, craft time, Lego time, school time, quiet time, etc. . No snark here, but parents have done SO much entertaining of their kids bounce houses and trampolines?), they don't know how to entertain themselves.

I have 2 boys - 3.5 and 5 and DH and I WOH FT. Our normal weekdays are packed with work, PT preschool for my kids, then they are taken care of by my MIL. And our weekends generally revolve around keeping them occupied and we do a lot of fun activities (bounce houses, trampoline parks, outside stuff, etc). Now that we’re all home we’re all starting to go a little stir crazy and our routines are way off. My kids are now waking up early on purpose to watch tv, getting bad attitudes, and expecting us to keep them entertained all.the.time. We try to stick to a schedule but everything we do takes maybe half the time I plan for. My 5YO especially is having a hard time missing his “normal” - he’s very social and extroverted so seeing people outside and not being able to see his friends is very hard for him. He’s started to act out (and I’m sure the extra screen time isn’t helping). It’s incredibly frustrating for everyone.

My in-laws are going to take them to their house for a few days so DH and I get a break and I’d like to deep dive into what I can do to fix this when they get back. Any book recommendations or quick reads I can come up with a plan?