Your kid is young & I get it.

Think about the big picture, though.

Are you teaching your child that she can always do what she wants, or are you teaching her that sometimes we have to do things that are uncomfortable for us? I'm not trolling -- I'm a high school teacher that has parents who tell me that their kids "are too shy to speak in a foreign language class" and that their kids feel "bullied" if the teacher calls on them and they don't know the answer.

Maybe you should move classrooms. But absolutely consider the big picture.

I wish you luck & all the best.

Anonymous wrote:To answer your question, I think it depends on the school. One of my kids went to an expensive preschool and a complaint I had was taken as welcome feedback. My other kid went to a less-expensive school and my complaint was met with defensiveness and made the school situation worse. I was pretty tactful in both situations.

To address the situation: this kind of thing would be fine for my DS but not my DD. As a paying customer, I would not accept weird things like this that made my child anxious about school unless I didn’t have other options (and sometimes there are no other options, sadly).

I’m not sure why I mentioned the relative costs of the school. It always seemed relevant in my mind but it just occurs to me maybe it wasn’t.

To answer your question, I think it depends on the school. One of my kids went to an expensive preschool and a complaint I had was taken as welcome feedback. My other kid went to a less-expensive school and my complaint was met with defensiveness and made the school situation worse. I was pretty tactful in both situations.

To address the situation: this kind of thing would be fine for my DS but not my DD. As a paying customer, I would not accept weird things like this that made my child anxious about school unless I didn’t have other options (and sometimes there are no other options, sadly).

The nap thing is odd. At our private preschool kids who no longer nap are taken to a separate room for quiet time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF... I would leave that school. Too harsh. Way too harsh. Lie there with your eyes closed? Get disapproval if you don't say a greeting at age 3?

Forget about the teacher. I would worry about emotionally scarring your child and giving them anxiety about school which could last for years.

As you can see, you will be by comparison a very reasonable person if you just avoid the hysteria like this person.

I would approach the nap situation with a learning stance - "I was wondering if you could tell me about naptime expectations, in particular for students that do not sleep." and go from there.

As for the entry issue, I would just speak up then and there. Something like "You know sometimes Larla just needs a minute to warm up and settle in. She's been practicing her "buenos dias" but she sometimes feels shy at first"

And then just keep an eye out. You child sounds sensitive so I would say balance helping your child to develop some resilience with things like the entry issue, but also ensuring that she's getting the love and care she needs at daycare and if not, start looking elsewhere.

PP here. This is not hysteria. I have studied child development. The first incident is shaming. Children that age should not be implicitly compared to babies if they are shy. You cannot learn if you don’t feel safe. Basically, teacher should switch to a group greeting so children who don’t say it learn the skill through peer influence and can still feel like they belong even if they aren’t speaking it.

Second incident — child is reporting that they get in trouble if they don’t close their eyes at nap. Big red flag. A child should not be feeling “in trouble” at that age unless they are doing something that hurts others. Opening your eyes while you are not asleep is a natural impulse. Many children stop napping at 3, again that is biological. Instead of this, teacher should accommodate a quiet time with books and quiet activities. Child should not be shamed or even see a face of disapprobation. Imagine if we as adults were made to lie still for an hour with eyes closed everyday and someone told you that you would be in trouble if your eyes opened. It is going to give your child a lot of anxiety to be in this environment, and you should listen to that before it becomes a much bigger problem.

Anonymous wrote:WTF... I would leave that school. Too harsh. Way too harsh. Lie there with your eyes closed? Get disapproval if you don't say a greeting at age 3?

Forget about the teacher. I would worry about emotionally scarring your child and giving them anxiety about school which could last for years.

I can almost guarantee a teacher like this plays favorites with the students.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF... I would leave that school. Too harsh. Way too harsh. Lie there with your eyes closed? Get disapproval if you don't say a greeting at age 3?

Forget about the teacher. I would worry about emotionally scarring your child and giving them anxiety about school which could last for years.

I'm a child care center director and I totally agree. These behaviors would not fly with me, and are the hallmarks of low-quality teacher interactions/behaviors.

+1.

Anonymous wrote:WTF... I would leave that school. Too harsh. Way too harsh. Lie there with your eyes closed? Get disapproval if you don't say a greeting at age 3?

Forget about the teacher. I would worry about emotionally scarring your child and giving them anxiety about school which could last for years.

I'm a child care center director and I totally agree. These behaviors would not fly with me, and are the hallmarks of low-quality teacher interactions/behaviors.

Anonymous wrote:Is there another class? If there is, I'd try to get her in there. Also keep an eye on your child's behaviour. Not the same, but my kid had a harsh 1st grade teacher. I thought I knew what my kid was upset about in that class, but I later found out from other parents after the year was over, that other things were happening in the class that I would never approve of. If I had known, i would have pulled her from that class and found another school. Your child is 3.5 and even more vulnerable.

Exactly. That attitude is a sign of developmentally inappropriate expectations and methods. I would wonder what else is going on.

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible to switch classes? None of that is worth complaining about IMO. If that’s her rule, it’s unfair that your child shouldn’t have to close their eyes during nap but others do. She is probably awesome for rambunctious little boys, just not for your child. If you do talk to her, I would de emphasize the policies and emphasize that your child is sensitive (it does sound like she is). Maybe if the teacher even just takes her aside and is a little more playful with her, she will be more comfortable with the teacher.

I agree with this poster. She sounds like a good teacher - just not for your kid.

Is it possible to switch classes? None of that is worth complaining about IMO. If that’s her rule, it’s unfair that your child shouldn’t have to close their eyes during nap but others do. She is probably awesome for rambunctious little boys, just not for your child. If you do talk to her, I would de emphasize the policies and emphasize that your child is sensitive (it does sound like she is). Maybe if the teacher even just takes her aside and is a little more playful with her, she will be more comfortable with the teacher.

Is there another class? If there is, I'd try to get her in there. Also keep an eye on your child's behaviour. Not the same, but my kid had a harsh 1st grade teacher. I thought I knew what my kid was upset about in that class, but I later found out from other parents after the year was over, that other things were happening in the class that I would never approve of. If I had known, i would have pulled her from that class and found another school. Your child is 3.5 and even more vulnerable.

Anonymous wrote:WTF... I would leave that school. Too harsh. Way too harsh. Lie there with your eyes closed? Get disapproval if you don't say a greeting at age 3?

Forget about the teacher. I would worry about emotionally scarring your child and giving them anxiety about school which could last for years.

As you can see, you will be by comparison a very reasonable person if you just avoid the hysteria like this person.

I would approach the nap situation with a learning stance - "I was wondering if you could tell me about naptime expectations, in particular for students that do not sleep." and go from there.

As for the entry issue, I would just speak up then and there. Something like "You know sometimes Larla just needs a minute to warm up and settle in. She's been practicing her "buenos dias" but she sometimes feels shy at first"

And then just keep an eye out. You child sounds sensitive so I would say balance helping your child to develop some resilience with things like the entry issue, but also ensuring that she's getting the love and care she needs at daycare and if not, start looking elsewhere.

WTF... I would leave that school. Too harsh. Way too harsh. Lie there with your eyes closed? Get disapproval if you don't say a greeting at age 3?

Forget about the teacher. I would worry about emotionally scarring your child and giving them anxiety about school which could last for years.

We recently moved and started our 3.5 year old at a new preschool (private, not dcps). One of her new teachers is very rule-focused and seems a tiny bit stern/harsh with the kids. My kid is quiet and shy and she’s started complaining at night that she doesn’t want to go to school because she’s scared of that teacher. The teacher isn’t awful—it’s just small things like she asks the kids to say “Beunos Dias” on their way into the room. When my shy kid doesn’t say it, the teacher gives her a disapproving look and says “you’re a big girl. At this school, we say “beunos dias” before we come into class.” She doesn’t yell or anything like that. But it makes my kid anxious about going in every day. We practice saying it in the hall but she still gets nervous about entering the classroom because she knows that the “beunos dias” confrontation is the first thing that happens.

The other main complaint from my kid is about nap time. At her prior school, if kids didn’t fall asleep within a half hour, they could look at a book on their cot as long as they were quiet. At the new school, the rule is that there are no books allowed during rest time. That’s not a huge deal, but the teacher takes it a step further and says “eyes must be closed during nap.” My kid rarely naps and she reports that she gets “in trouble” whenever she opens her eyes. My guess is that she’s not really getting in trouble and that the teacher just reminds her to close her eyes repeatedly.

Anyway, I wanted to talk with the teacher or the school to see if this particular teacher might ease up on my kid as she gets used to the new environment, but I’m worried that (a) it’s rude of me to interfere and (b) the teacher will view new/my kid as problems and be even harsher.

Again, the teacher seems generally fine to me—just a little harsh, given that the kid is 3.