Wait, you've made it to middle age (40 plus) without having a single long term relationship despite wanting one?

Something is holding you back. Whether it's bad choices, self-sabotaging, whatever. You may want to see a therapist.

Middle aged...how is your appearance? Do you come across as needy or desperate? Any sort of hygenal issues?

Are you going after people who have no interest in a relationship?

OP, that was a well-written and honest post. As a few have said, use the on-line route, and explicitly state you seek a relationship. You also state you "are not sleeping with some of them on a first date". Wait a sec; I am not a numbers person, but, I am guessing you have gone on lots of first dates. Can you define 'some'? You need to somewhat raise your own self-opinion. Don't sleep w anyone on first date. Trust me, that will in a weird way turn off a lot of guys

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle-aged female here. I’ve never had a serious relationship of total exclusivity. I’ve casually dated people, but no commitment. I’ve never had an issue finding a FWB. I’m not ultra pretty, but I’m not ugly either. I’m educated, mannerly, good job, outgoing and pretty laidback. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong to always give the impression that I’m the FWB or hook-up girl. Every man I meet and am attracted to, it turns into that. And I’m not sleeping with some of them on the first date. The ones I am really interested in, I wait. I really would like to be in a relationship with someone, not a casual fling or non-exclusive relationship.

Men - can you help me understand what traits you all observe from a female that would dictate relationship material vs. casual dating/sex?

Maybe your standards are too high...

+1000

Men need their egos stroked, you have to fawn all over them... you are so great, you are so big, wow, that was amazing, that was the best I ever had. blah, blah, blah.

If you can't do that you will never sink the hook.

This may sound meaner than I intend, but I am trying to help.

You are probably dating men who consider themselves out of your league. They are happy to sleep with you, but not to commit. (Caveat, is that I hate the concept of leagues, rating on a scale of 1-10, etc. and try not to think that way, I'm just saying what I'm guessing your dates think).

You may have to give a chance to the kind of men you wouldn't have considered previously who are seeking a relationship. I don't mean bozos or losers, but there are kind men out there who aren't total duds.

Anonymous wrote:Stop referring to yourself as a female?

Huh? Why should she play for other team?

Stop referring to yourself as a female?

You’re picking the wrong type of guys. You’re attracted to the wrong ones.

Or a dating app in which you're explicit about what you're looking for -- then it's out there from the start.

Employ a matchmaker.

Improve your self esteem. I have seen women who don't have proper dental hygiene land a guy.

Anonymous wrote:Middle-aged female here. I’ve never had a serious relationship of total exclusivity. I’ve casually dated people, but no commitment. I’ve never had an issue finding a FWB. I’m not ultra pretty, but I’m not ugly either. I’m educated, mannerly, good job, outgoing and pretty laidback. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong to always give the impression that I’m the FWB or hook-up girl. Every man I meet and am attracted to, it turns into that. And I’m not sleeping with some of them on the first date. The ones I am really interested in, I wait. I really would like to be in a relationship with someone, not a casual fling or non-exclusive relationship.

Men - can you help me understand what traits you all observe from a female that would dictate relationship material vs. casual dating/sex?

Maybe your standards are too high...

Middle-aged female here. I’ve never had a serious relationship of total exclusivity. I’ve casually dated people, but no commitment. I’ve never had an issue finding a FWB. I’m not ultra pretty, but I’m not ugly either. I’m educated, mannerly, good job, outgoing and pretty laidback. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong to always give the impression that I’m the FWB or hook-up girl. Every man I meet and am attracted to, it turns into that. And I’m not sleeping with some of them on the first date. The ones I am really interested in, I wait. I really would like to be in a relationship with someone, not a casual fling or non-exclusive relationship.

Men - can you help me understand what traits you all observe from a female that would dictate relationship material vs. casual dating/sex?