I'm so sorry, OP. No advice, but solidarity. I can relate to a lot of what you said.

Anonymous wrote:Can you go to counseling and try to stay together, if your marriage has otherwise been good? Why not try? I don’t think this has to be the end.

Did he tell you about the cheating? How did you find out?

He gave me an STD and he cheated with men, so...no.

OP here. No kids, but we've been together since college, 22 years. Losing my financial stability because he makes twice my salary, and we just put all our money into renovating our "forever" home that I won't be able to afford by myself and we won't be able to sell it for what we've put into it.

I'm sorry for your loss, 19:14, and I appreciate the sympathy from PPs. Just having a rough night.

Can you go to counseling and try to stay together, if your marriage has otherwise been good? Why not try? I don’t think this has to be the end.

Did he tell you about the cheating? How did you find out?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you lose your financial stability?

I assume her DH makes the majority of their income, so divorcing him would be drastic cut in lifestyle

He definitely makes all of HIS income. OP might need a new job. Does it suck? Sure. Everyone makes choices.

I agree 100 percent.

My father passed away, leaving my mom a widow. Her second husband cheated and she divorced him. She always says the divorce was harder to go through than the death for the reasons you cited.

I'm awaiting to see OP on Dateline as some Black Widow wife exacting revenge by murdering her cheating husband and pretending some burglar did it.

I felt the same way and I wasn't even married to him! BF of three years who I was totally in love with and it appeared he felt the same about me. Both in our 40s, lived together the last year in his house. I don't even know when he found time to cheat, we spent every spare moment together.

Going cold turkey on talking to someone everyday, they are the person you tell everything to, they are your main support system, they are who you do all the fun things you like with. Losing the relationships you had with their family.

I don't know if I wished he had died but I did feel like you said, it would have been easier to take if he had died instead of cheating on me and ending the relationship, which I also wanted at that point but had a very difficult time handling.

It's been years now and I'd say I'm 98% over it.

Anonymous wrote:Why would you lose your financial stability?

I assume her DH makes the majority of their income, so divorcing him would be drastic cut in lifestyle

Fellow victim of infidelity betrayal - i feel you OP. Many people will find it hard to understand, but emotional abuse leaves deep scars and victims are often blamed and left without social or economic supports.

Do you have kids, OP?

What an interesting perspective.

-a widow

Why would you lose your financial stability?

I’m so sorry, OP. How old are your children?

If he'd died, I'd get much-needed support from friends, I could still be close to his family, his life insurance would set me up financially, I wouldn't have to worry about his mental health problems or future guilt if/when I date (he doesn't want a divorce and believes his actions were out of his control).

As it is, I'm the victim of his betrayal, but I also lose my best friend, my financial stability, my wonderful in-laws who are my only family, and my social life because our mutual friends have no idea how to react and are being awkward instead of rallying to care for me like they would if he'd died. But he's as good as dead to me, right? Except he's living and breathing and being a constant reminder of my grief and loss.

Sorry for the rant. It just sucks.