There is nothing like an educated and experienced nanny - including a SAHM.

Our nanny has a skill set from years of teaching and majoring in education that I simply don’t have. She engages my son and socializes him with playdates and playgroups. My son gets to nap in his own bed and has two colds in his life (18 months) and has never needed antibiotics.

Get a great nanny.

Nanny. No question.

DCUM tends to lean toward nanny in these discussions, but I've done all possible arrangements and have found daycare center to be the best of all worlds.

With daycare, you have multiple levels of accountability, multiple sets of eyes on your kid--not just the staff, but also all the parents coming and going.

Yes, daycares have a 3:1 ratio, whereas a nanny would be 1:1, but the daycare maintains that ratio at all times; when one teacher takes a break, goes to the bathroom, starts laundry, another steps in. So there is always someone watching your kid, and they all get adequate breaks through the day. (And I'm not just romanticizing daycare. I worked in a daycare in my early 20s, and now I have a daycare kid who gets pull-out PT at her daycare, so I meet her there weekly during the day, so have ample opportunity to observe what's going on.)

Your kid and nanny aren't in your house all day. I know a lot of people like the convenience of not having to get the kid ready, pack lunches, etc., but I like the freedom of not having my kids in my house all day. It means that when I'm home with them, our toys are new and exciting. I never come home to any mess other than the one I left. And on random telework days, or a day when I come home a couple hours early after an off-site meeting, I'm not having to negotiate around nanny and kid.

Finally, in our various stints with nannies, I have **hated** being a personnel manager. They leave with two weeks notice--or not--and suddenly you have to find a new nanny (when it's a busy season at work, you're sick, whatever). You don't like how they're interacting with your kid or not cleaning up after themselves or not scheduling enough outings--suddenly you have to conduct de facto performance reviews with this person who is already doing this really intimate work on your behalf. I have found those conversations really awkward. (My husband, who is a manager in his professional life, didn't mind this part about having a nanny, and he actually took on some of this labor, so YMMV.)

Anyway, if you actually have a spot in a daycare that you like, I would absolutely take that because it's easier to revert to a nanny if necessary than the other way around.

Nanny hands down. No drop off and no pickup, someone to have your kid nap and eat on their schedule. Stay with them when they have mild sniffles or are having an off day is amazing. Not to mention little things like baby laundry done and bottles.
Our first nanny was an amazing asset to our family. I was able to get promoted, my husband left the country in extensive work travel and my baby had a total of 2 colds wrote she went to preschool at 3 and was so very loved by her.

I personally would go with daycare but wait until your child is 6 months. I would take the one that is closest to you. I think 3 days with your MIL doing the fourth day will works. Make sure you have backup sitters for illness and daycare closing. I’ve had a friend who had two nannies that both worked out terribly. One was constantly late and missed work, and the other one ignored the baby and sat on her phone all day. I would prefer a daycare where I can see on camera that my child is being well aged for. If you go with a nanny, I would get nanny cams. I don’t think a nanny is worth twice the pay given your situation and closeness of the daycare to your home.

Anonymous wrote:This seems like a question for your MIL because 1-day per week as the primary caregiver is really different from being backup.

OP here. My MIL offered to babysit one day a week. It is her first grandchild and she really wants to spend as much time him as possible. My husbands aunt ( MIL’s sister) is also retired and willing to help out as a backup sitter or on the day MIL can’t care for him. We will also make sure we have backup sitters.

Anonymous wrote:This is a hard one - you seem to have really open eyes about it that neither option is without it's downsides. If you get an amazing nanny, it's wonderful. If your nanny ends up being not very reliable or just okay, or lots of back and forth employer/employee issues it can be difficult. What is the ratio of babies to caregivers in the daycare? And how many babies in one room? If 1:3 and only say, 6 babies in the room than I might try daycare since you can have MIL help out one day which we've found to be wonderful for baby bonding with grandma. I'm a daycare mom, but switched from a center to a home daycare because our center just had too many babies in one room (too busy, too much illness). Home daycare has been a good happy medium for us, but we straight up could not afford a nanny.

Looking back, if we truly could afford a nanny without it hurting much, I would do that for the first 2 years for the same reasons pp said - illness and also naps - just so much more flexibility to make sure your baby gets the sleep they need as many don't sleep well in daycare if it's one room and the baby is expected to sleep in the bright room (another reason we moved to home daycare). The illness is so hard on everyone and much harder when they are that little. But if it's a good daycare with low ratios.. so close to your house, it might be great too. And they will get the illnesses at some point so it's ok to just do it. It's just harder when they are little.

OP here. Both daycares have 12 students ( 6 weeks - 15 months) with 4 teachers. 3 babies to 1 daycare worker. We are not interested in a home daycare as we like knowing that daycare workers have full background checks, the facility is secure, and we can access multiple cameras throughout the day.

This seems like a question for your MIL because 1-day per week as the primary caregiver is really different from being backup.

This is a hard one - you seem to have really open eyes about it that neither option is without it's downsides. If you get an amazing nanny, it's wonderful. If your nanny ends up being not very reliable or just okay, or lots of back and forth employer/employee issues it can be difficult. What is the ratio of babies to caregivers in the daycare? And how many babies in one room? If 1:3 and only say, 6 babies in the room than I might try daycare since you can have MIL help out one day which we've found to be wonderful for baby bonding with grandma. I'm a daycare mom, but switched from a center to a home daycare because our center just had too many babies in one room (too busy, too much illness). Home daycare has been a good happy medium for us, but we straight up could not afford a nanny.

Looking back, if we truly could afford a nanny without it hurting much, I would do that for the first 2 years for the same reasons pp said - illness and also naps - just so much more flexibility to make sure your baby gets the sleep they need as many don't sleep well in daycare if it's one room and the baby is expected to sleep in the bright room (another reason we moved to home daycare). The illness is so hard on everyone and much harder when they are that little. But if it's a good daycare with low ratios.. so close to your house, it might be great too. And they will get the illnesses at some point so it's ok to just do it. It's just harder when they are little.

A nanny makes your life SO MUCH EASIER. You don't have to get the baby ready to go out in the morning, you don't have to prep bottles and food, you don't have to do baby laundry, the list goes on and on and on and on. We did a nanny and I can't tell you how often I was grateful I didn't have to deal with getting my kids out to the car with me when I was leaving for work and didn't have to make sure I got to daycare at a particular time in case traffic was bad. Yes, my husband helped, and we split who was home in the morning and evening 50/50, so I'm only referring to the days it was my responsibility. We did pay our nanny more, though, and she got overtime, but if you find one you like and they're willing to take that pay then great!

I know this all feels really important now, and it is a daunting decision, but let me weigh in from the perspective of someone who had done all of the above (daycare, nanny, staying home, nanny share) with different kids and say: it really doesn't matter in the long haul.

Look at what is going to make your life easier. Honestly.

The plus side to nanny is that you can leave your baby in their pajamas and not have to pack up and get ready for daycare.

The plus side to daycare is that caregiver issues are not your problem. Caregiver's kid get sick and they need to take the day off? That's the daycare director's problem, not yours. I cannot stress how wonderful that is.

Anonymous wrote:I think that if I could afford a nanny or a daycare I'd do a nanny until about 2, then part time daycare. Getting sick so young can be really scary - I know several babies who ended up in the hospital from bugs they picked up at daycare, and there's some research to indicate that taking antibiotics before 6 months of age can increase a kid's risk of food allergies and asthma.

Daycare is fine, and I think incrementally better for older toddlers IMO, but for a baby baby, with money not being an obstacle, I'd go the nanny route.

Sorry, meant to post the study I referenced: https://abc7ny.com/health/babies-given-antibiotics-have-higher-risk-of-allergies-study-says/5773244/

I think that if I could afford a nanny or a daycare I'd do a nanny until about 2, then part time daycare. Getting sick so young can be really scary - I know several babies who ended up in the hospital from bugs they picked up at daycare, and there's some research to indicate that taking antibiotics before 6 months of age can increase a kid's risk of food allergies and asthma.

Daycare is fine, and I think incrementally better for older toddlers IMO, but for a baby baby, with money not being an obstacle, I'd go the nanny route.

In your situation I would try the daycare option that is an 8 minute walk and see how it goes. If it doesn't work out for you, then you can switch to a nanny.

Nanny or Daycare?

My husband and I have a 4-month-old son. I’m heading back to work at the end of March, and I’m still uncertain about childcare.

We are on the waitlist for two daycares - both a are highly recommend. One ( 8 minute walk from our house) will have a spot for him in the beginning of April, and the second ( 1.5 mile walk from our house), will have a spot for him in May. They both offer 2,3, and 5 day options, and both cost around $1,500 ( 2 days), $1,700 ( 3 days), and $2,000 ( 5 days) a month.

We have interviewed 5 nannies and two of them we really liked. The rates ranged, but average was $18/hour. We need some 40 hours a week. Schedule will be $ M-TH, 8-5, but we most nannies want 40 hours. We were thinking of doing a half day ( 4 hours) on Friday, or using those 16 hours a month for own full Friday a month plus date night sitting, etc. We are also thinking of keeping pay at 36 hours a week, but paying a little higher like $20/hour. We have to pay everything legally due to our jobs. It will cost somewhere between $40-50k a year with rate, benefits ( 5 sick days, paid holidays, and 2 weeks paid vacation), and employer taxes.

I think there are pros and cons to both. We like that a nanny provides one-on-one attention, can help with things around the house, will limit exposure to illnesses, etc. We plan to use a local library class 2-3 days a week for socialization, and I’m sure trips to the park and other activities will happen once he’s older. We like that daycare provides more stability than a nanny. Relying on one person concerns us. We like that it offer so much socialization. It’s also half the cost of a nanny, and both are close. We will looking to back-up sitters whether we go with daycare or a nanny. My MIL is retired and can help too. If we do daycare ( 3 days), she will be caring for him for the other day I work. She will also be helping if we decide to go with daycare, and there is any overlap between work and daycare.

What would you do? How did you decide?