Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^to clarify above: Not saying all snacking is bad! Just that grazing, eating while doing other things and free access for anytime snacking aren't good. Healthy snacks when needed, like after school when dinner's a while away, etc. is great.

I am adamant about not restricting food but I have to admit that research backs this up. Snacking all the time is also terrible for your teeth.

This is OP, so by not restricting food, does this mean you really say nothing at all if they ask for a fifth slice of pizza or third portion of cake at a party or a second or third bowl of cereal at home? I try my best not to restrict, and to not have “off limits” food, but not without moderation. I find it very hard to not say anything when I feel like things are getting out of hand.

Oh and my kids regularly have second and third bowls of cereal. Im not a calorie counter but there bowls of cereal works out to what, 450 calories or something?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^to clarify above: Not saying all snacking is bad! Just that grazing, eating while doing other things and free access for anytime snacking aren't good. Healthy snacks when needed, like after school when dinner's a while away, etc. is great.

I am adamant about not restricting food but I have to admit that research backs this up. Snacking all the time is also terrible for your teeth.

This is OP, so by not restricting food, does this mean you really say nothing at all if they ask for a fifth slice of pizza or third portion of cake at a party or a second or third bowl of cereal at home? I try my best not to restrict, and to not have “off limits” food, but not without moderation. I find it very hard to not say anything when I feel like things are getting out of hand.

I do have a hard time not saying anything. But I try not to. A while ago DD would regularly eat two, sometimes three breakfasts (she does a sport in the morning) and I was kind of bug-eyed about it but then sure enough her height shot up four inches in the next eight months.

If this is really overeating as opposed to eating out of hunger, it’s a psychological problem that needs to be addressed in a matter that will actually address the real issue. Just saying “no you can’t have more pizza” will probably miss the mark.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^to clarify above: Not saying all snacking is bad! Just that grazing, eating while doing other things and free access for anytime snacking aren't good. Healthy snacks when needed, like after school when dinner's a while away, etc. is great.

I am adamant about not restricting food but I have to admit that research backs this up. Snacking all the time is also terrible for your teeth.

This is OP, so by not restricting food, does this mean you really say nothing at all if they ask for a fifth slice of pizza or third portion of cake at a party or a second or third bowl of cereal at home? I try my best not to restrict, and to not have “off limits” food, but not without moderation. I find it very hard to not say anything when I feel like things are getting out of hand.

OP - have you allowed her these things in the past? Or are you just now starting to notice/care since her weight is creeping up?

If you have allowed this overindulgence in the past (I can see asking for a second piece of cake, but a third???), why? Your problem is going to be reigning her in without causing issues.

My advice to you is to start serving what you want her to eat, and allow her free reign of fruits and veggies. So if you want her to eat 2 pancakes, you make six. When she asks for seconds, there are no more, and you let her know she can have another boiled egg or more fruit. Freeze the bread you don't want her to eat. So she gets the bowl of lentils, a salad/veggie, a piece of fruit, and one serving of bread. If she asks for more bread, there is no more, but there is more fruit or salad.

IF she isn't going to a ton of parties, I would lay off on the what she eats at parties (for now). Do you talk about serving sizes to her? My kids know (or think they know) what a serving size is. They would never ask for another slice of cake - but this is something we have instilled in them for years. A cake serving is a cupcake, or whatever size the host gives you (and you don't have to eat it all if it is too much).

Anonymous wrote:^^^to clarify above: Not saying all snacking is bad! Just that grazing, eating while doing other things and free access for anytime snacking aren't good. Healthy snacks when needed, like after school when dinner's a while away, etc. is great.

I am adamant about not restricting food but I have to admit that research backs this up. Snacking all the time is also terrible for your teeth.

Anonymous wrote:^^^to clarify above: Not saying all snacking is bad! Just that grazing, eating while doing other things and free access for anytime snacking aren't good. Healthy snacks when needed, like after school when dinner's a while away, etc. is great.

Sorry this was to clarify 13:51

^^^to clarify above: Not saying all snacking is bad! Just that grazing, eating while doing other things and free access for anytime snacking aren't good. Healthy snacks when needed, like after school when dinner's a while away, etc. is great.

I have young kids, so I don't know yet how to do this with tweens and teens. But, I definitely only put on the table what I am willing for people to eat carb-wise. So, if there is bread, I put 2 pieces for everyone, and you can take yours whenever you want. I don't want to police. I just don't have more available, period. And, I emphasize protein over carbs. So, DS wants more tortillas without filling, and I just say that that won't keep him full bc he needs protein with it.

You're right about growth spurts but also right to think about portions.

Make less batter for pancakes and run out after two medium ones each. That means parents too. Serve soup and one piece of bread, then the rest of the bread--it's already wrapped up and put away. In the freezer if that helps. And so on. If she free-grazes in the kitchen and pantry and would turn up an hour after dinner with more bread in her hand, start a "kitchen is closed" policy (no one, including you and dad, grazes or snacks especially after dinner, the last meal of the day). Be sure she's not mindlessly noshing while doing homework or watching TV (some families use a "eat only at the table" policy to stop snacking while watching screens or doing work). Snacking and grazing are issues for many kids even more than portions at mealtimes.

The key is to ensure you do not make any such changes a big honking deal. They should just happen. Do a good clean-up together as a family and then say that as the house is so nice, let's eat just at the table.

Cook and immediately (before the meal starts) store and set aside for freezing the portions for leftovers, so they aren't sitting on the stove for immediate seconds during the meal.

You need DH and any other kids to ALL adhere to the same things, though.

Is she in Girl Scouts? Do you volunteer with her troop if she is in one? There are some good, sensible nutrition-related badges and programs in GS. You could encourage her leader to do one or better yet, offer to host a healthy cooking event/badge workshop at your house (with cooking involved of course).

Read Your child's weight - helping without harming by Ellyn Satter. It will help you with tools to help your daughter learn how to listen to her body's cues without you controlling her diet (which as you said, will truly only cause harm in the end). h

ttps://www.amazon.com/Your-Childs-Weight-Helping-Without/dp/0967118913/ref=sr_1_3?crid=3QD0LQQ53JJLZ&keywords=your+childs+weight+helping+without+harming&qid=1582656605&sprefix=your+childs+weight+hel%2Caps%2C208&sr=8-3

But I always caution people to be very careful about a child seeing the book because the title makes it something that could make a child feel a lot of shame if they found their parent reading. I would just get it on kindle to make sure it's not lying around the house. The book actually ISN'T about weight, but the title would make a child think that.

Good for you for not wanting to focus on weight and body appearance, but instead on healthy choices.

She's an athlete, which is helpful because you can partly frame it around what she needs to perform her best. Talk about balance. My own DD can make herself sick downing an entire pint of blueberries. I know because she did it once when I wasn't paying attention and had said to grab a healthy snack. We've talked about how even the healthiest of things can make us not feel so good if we eat too much of that one thing, and it's even more the case when that thing is less nutritious and more of a snack.

At family meal times we model pausing a bit before reaching for seconds. Having a drink of water. Or even grabbing something different and healthy out of the fridge if she says she is still hungry but doesn't want more lentil soup. Still hungry, no more bread but grab an apple. That helps her evaluate whether it's hunger or taste that drives her. It may also help for a while to limit a bit what's on the table. Don't put the whole loaf, instead pre-slice enough for each person at the table to have two slices (or whatever you deem acceptable).

I often use the phrase "my mouth wants more" meaning that something tastes so good that I could eat another serving, but I know that my stomach is full and I'm not really hungry. We will ask DD to evaluate whether her taste buds want more or her stomach.

1 Your pediatrician might have an opinion
2 Pediatric gastroenterologists specialize in this if you want more advice
3 How fast is your DD eating? Slowing the pace could lead to eating less at a time

I applaud you for not saying anything about it and modeling healthy behavior. Have you read intuitive eating? There is a section in there about kids. Also keep in mind that she’s ten and it’s very possible she will grow in weight before her height matches it.

Whatever you do don’t restrict food. I’m not saying you were going to but that will just make it worse.

You are about to get dragged. 10 yo is right around the time that a lot of girls put on weight bc they are about to have a growth spurt.

But to answer your question - you model healthy eating, have regular conversations about how special treats like cake are fine once in a while but all that sugar and fat won't make her feel good later, etc, etc.

I have a 10 yr old DD who has been steadily gaining weight. I realize this could be normal puberty weight gain. She isn’t overweight, but is getting close...about 75%. She had been 50% until about 8 or so. My husband and I are not over weight and we eat healthy and go to the gym regularly.

She plays two sports and is active and excels at them. However, I’m concerned with her weight gain pattern and more so, her lack of ability to self limit portions. I never mention her weight or anything negative about her body-at all. Nor do I do this with my own body or anyone else’s.

I feel like her problem is over eating, but I’m not sure how to help without it coming across as too controlling over her food and back firing. For instance, if I make pancakes for breakfast, she will want 4+, if I make some lentil soup and a loaf of bread, she will eat a small bowl of soup but want several servings of bread, if we go a birthday she will want a second or third piece of cake (and there is always a ton of cake) and 2+ cups of lemonade or whatever sugary drink is at the party. What is the best way to help guide her to eating a variety of foods but within healthy limits while still allowing her to feel like she has some control over her body and food?