At what point do you just say “I’ve had enough and can’t continue this way. Either you agree to go to counseling so we can figure this out or I’m done.”

Sure, you love him and he has some great qualities. But it sounds like the price of staying is way too high. Personally, I’d rather be alone (and with kid) than have to live with that.

Does he do this at work? With other people? If not, it means he can control it.

I can commiserate. It’s f’ng exhausting.

Op, my dh is like this. Marriage counseling, staying neutral didn’t help. What slightly helped was him being on an antidepressant.

Op. Yes, I'd be happy to do counseling. He says he won't though. We went years ago and he said he felt ganged up on, even though he hardly said a word during the sessions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could ask him, in a calm moment, if he is angry about something. "cause that is what this behavior means in our house. It is not about what is happening in the moment.

That’s talking down to him. Not the way to go.

I have tried this but all he says is he's tired from work and that I don't appreciate him. He cannot, I repeat CANNOT explain to me what he means about the appreciation thing. We go around in circles about that.

This needs to stop though. I appreciate the input. I wish I had a magic word that could snap him out of the nonsense in the moment, like at the store today

Will you do counseling to save your marriage?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could ask him, in a calm moment, if he is angry about something. "cause that is what this behavior means in our house. It is not about what is happening in the moment.

That’s talking down to him. Not the way to go.

I have tried this but all he says is he's tired from work and that I don't appreciate him. He cannot, I repeat CANNOT explain to me what he means about the appreciation thing. We go around in circles about that.

This needs to stop though. I appreciate the input. I wish I had a magic word that could snap him out of the nonsense in the moment, like at the store today

Anonymous wrote:You could ask him, in a calm moment, if he is angry about something. "cause that is what this behavior means in our house. It is not about what is happening in the moment.

That’s talking down to him. Not the way to go.

I hope you both want to save your marriage.

You could ask him, in a calm moment, if he is angry about something. "cause that is what this behavior means in our house. It is not about what is happening in the moment.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t engage. You can only control your reaction. Give a a neutral response: “Maybe not. Let’s see.” Pretend he is a work client as you respond.

She did that. He still found a way to be a jerk. He doesn’t respect you, OP. That’s the bottom line, and contempt is the most poisonous things for a marriage. Either call a marriage therapist or a good lawyer because he is going to be HELL to divorce (but that’s how this ends).

He is angry with you. Fair or not.

Don’t engage. You can only control your reaction. Give a a neutral response: “Maybe not. Let’s see.” Pretend he is a work client as you respond.

Op here. Before we got to the checkout line, when dh said the candy DS wanted wasn't part of the sale, the only thing I said was "I think it's all on sale." Then when dh pushed and bickered, all I said was " we'll see when we get to the register." I didn't engage. Just wanted to throw that in there.

This is only a symptom of bigger marital problems.
You must get a good marriage counselor.

I'm losing my mind, here.

Please tell me how you got your husband to stop bickering, correcting, and picking at you? Today, he disagreed with me that some candy was on sale. He pushed and pushed, went on and on about it right up until the cashier rung it up. Then, immediately when it rang up as not on sale, he tried to lord over me. Then, when the cashier realized the mistake, and re-rang the candy (yes, it was on sale), my husband still wouldn't shut up about how it wasn't labeled correctly. My ONLY response was "it's candy, it's $1.50, I'm not arguing with you about this. Stop being so ridiculous. " Well, that pissed him off and he kept going until our poor 8 year old told us to stop arguing.

I'm so tired. What can I do? What can I do in the moment and also how do I start a conversation with him about this (I've tried in the past, he just gets offended... then apologizes, then it starts all over again.)