Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not project your feelings on to it. As a mom of a child with special needs, I struggle with feeling condescended or pitied. I have a great life and I love my differently baked child. Dealing with people being oh so sorry for me is harder than he is any day. Don’t decide how she feels about and treat her like a normal mom.

^differently *abled*

I liked differently baked! I have one too.

OP, parties can be hard for kids with autism but it's great that you included him. One on one play dates are easier. If you like hanging out with the mom, just invite them over. She will let you know if she needs any help.

Anonymous wrote:I would not project your feelings on to it. As a mom of a child with special needs, I struggle with feeling condescended or pitied. I have a great life and I love my differently baked child. Dealing with people being oh so sorry for me is harder than he is any day. Don’t decide how she feels about and treat her like a normal mom.

^differently *abled*

I would not project your feelings on to it. As a mom of a child with special needs, I struggle with feeling condescended or pitied. I have a great life and I love my differently baked child. Dealing with people being oh so sorry for me is harder than he is any day. Don’t decide how she feels about and treat her like a normal mom.

How old are the kids? I truly feel for the mother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t assume they had a terrible time just because the child exhibited symptoms of his disorder or had 15 minutes of fun versus 30 minutes of meltdown. Don’t judge or turn this into a situation about you as a hostess.

Wow it looked to me that OP was concerned her friend didn't have a good time and wanted to help. Why does DCUM often assume the negative. There was no judgement or selfishness in her post. OP you and your DH sound like great open minded people.

You are both right. Anyway, OP, keep inviting. And also one on one playdates if it works for you. Do you have older kids? My friend's older child would invite my little one to play as a peer and language model for him (recommendation of our speech therapist).

Anonymous wrote:Don’t assume they had a terrible time just because the child exhibited symptoms of his disorder or had 15 minutes of fun versus 30 minutes of meltdown. Don’t judge or turn this into a situation about you as a hostess.

Wow it looked to me that OP was concerned her friend didn't have a good time and wanted to help. Why does DCUM often assume the negative. There was no judgement or selfishness in her post. OP you and your DH sound like great open minded people.

You could ask at one of your coffees or solo time what you can do to help if you are together and her child starts to struggle. The answer might be there is nothing that you can do but she knows that you asked. Outside of play dates maybe make sure there is a place that she can go with her child that is quiet if they are over for a party or see if there is a specific food or drink that makes her child extra happy.

You did fine, OP. Continue being there for her.

Don’t assume they had a terrible time just because the child exhibited symptoms of his disorder or had 15 minutes of fun versus 30 minutes of meltdown. Don’t judge or turn this into a situation about you as a hostess.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep inviting her to parties.

Offer to help, and then follow her lead.

I promptly thanked her for coming to the party. She said that she and her child had a great time and thanked me for inviting him. I can’t help but think they both must have had a terrible time.

She may have been really happy that he was invited and got to come. Keep being a friend. Just listen and offer and invite, and she will do what she can. One of my close friends has a child with autism. We have been good friends since our kids were in preschool together.

They had a good time for them. I'd ask her what activities work best for him if you get the kids together and she might appreciate a dinner out like you do no kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep inviting her to parties.

Offer to help, and then follow her lead.

I promptly thanked her for coming to the party. She said that she and her child had a great time and thanked me for inviting him. I can’t help but think they both must have had a terrible time.

A one on one play date would probably be easier. Or coffee out with the mom. It’s nice to include her. This kid probably won’t get many, especially as he ages.

Anonymous wrote:Keep inviting her to parties.

Offer to help, and then follow her lead.

I promptly thanked her for coming to the party. She said that she and her child had a great time and thanked me for inviting him. I can’t help but think they both must have had a terrible time.

Keep inviting her to parties.

Offer to help, and then follow her lead.

I met a mom when our kids were babies. Her child started preschool very early and has many therapies so we don’t do play dates. We invited the child to my daughter’s birthday party and I was surprised how difficult her child was. He was clearly upset the entire time and my thin friend had a hard time holding the child. I didn’t know if I should intervene or offer to help. I see this friend for coffee and dinner and she is open about her child with autism but never shows her stress. DH never saw her child before and DH also commented on whether we should have helped my friend. Can’t help but feel like I was a bad host.