Honestly OP you just can’t engage on this. We have a very high HHI and no playroom, don’t take international trips, no backyard, other stuff my kids take note of. You are never going to have everything other families have.

Okay well some hard truths. I don’t know. I feel like breaking down and crying. All of this is difficult and I’m doing the best I can all of it on my back. He is in a great school and is thriving but I can’t compete. I mean holding onto my job and while the pay increase isn’t viable- I have telework and many of vacation days. I’m not sure I can take much more and I feel like I’m making the worst decision of my life having us here. Everything else doesn’t work out financially for me- moving or owning a car and the maintenance it would take to get us back and forth.

OP - you are doing great. You have made choices that work for you and set you up to be the best parent to (and have the most time with) your kid that you can. It is never too early to start having conversations with your kid about needs, wants, and priorities - related to time, money, and everything else. But you have to start by truly believing in your choices and not hearing your kid's interest in the things that other people have as reflecting negatively on you.

There will ALWAYS be people with bigger houses, nicer cars, fancier travel, more gadgets... but if you are happy with who you are and what you have and the choices you've made for your family, the best thing you can do is share that with your kid.

Can you do some kind of room divider so he has his own space and bed within the bedroom?

Anonymous wrote:I party agree with teh kid needing their own room but at the same time OP's kid is 5. There are plenty of people who lives in other countries around the world who all sleep in one room.

She lives in the US. Not Nigeria.

Anonymous wrote:I grew up like this. I was always envious (maybe more curious?) of my friends houses. My parents were comfortable, but not rich. I loved visiting and spending the night and living vicariously through my “rich friends”. I remember little things like how novel it was to have pizza delivered (my parents couldn’t afford the extra to have delivery), name brand Vanilla Bean ice cream (we got store brand plain vanilla), massive two-story foyers, fancy half-bathrooms, huge kitchens, finished basements, etc.

In high school, we moved to a lower COL area and things were suddenly the opposite. My parents had more money than most of my friends and I suddenly became embarrassed to talk about the most basic of things.

Your boy will be fine. My advice would be to simply show him that, while some folks, like his classmates, have it “better”, there are plenty of people out there who would give anything for his comfortable life. Maybe do some volunteer work with him, to help ground him.

Yeah. I think class is always going to be an uncomfortable thing to discuss with kids. It’s uncomfortable for me to think about as an adult!

I grew up with a single mom. We did not have much money but I had my own bedroom and bed, always. You have to prioritize with your money because you can't have it all. But everyone does and at least you can make your own decisions and don't have to compromise with another adult.

I grew up like this. I was always envious (maybe more curious?) of my friends houses. My parents were comfortable, but not rich. I loved visiting and spending the night and living vicariously through my “rich friends”. I remember little things like how novel it was to have pizza delivered (my parents couldn’t afford the extra to have delivery), name brand Vanilla Bean ice cream (we got store brand plain vanilla), massive two-story foyers, fancy half-bathrooms, huge kitchens, finished basements, etc.

In high school, we moved to a lower COL area and things were suddenly the opposite. My parents had more money than most of my friends and I suddenly became embarrassed to talk about the most basic of things.

Your boy will be fine. My advice would be to simply show him that, while some folks, like his classmates, have it “better”, there are plenty of people out there who would give anything for his comfortable life. Maybe do some volunteer work with him, to help ground him.

I party agree with teh kid needing their own room but at the same time OP's kid is 5. There are plenty of people who lives in other countries around the world who all sleep in one room.

How old is your child? Does your child not have their own bed? It sounds like they share a bedroom with you? Can you explain this?

My friend is a single mom and earns about what you do in a very expensive area. When her child turned 5, she moved from a 1 bedroom apartment to a 2 bedroom apartment. They still live there and her child is in high school now. Your child needs their own bed at a minimum. How old is your child? At some point he will need his own bedroom. You may have to compromise on location to be in the school area you want and for your child to have their own bedroom. I have a friend who lived in a 1 bedroom apartment with her mom in junior high and high school. She had the bedroom and her mom put a bed in an alcove in the living room with curtains about it. There are solutions if you can only afford a 1 bedroom apartment, but your child needs some space of their own.

I’m a single mom as well. There are some things you have to get over, and some realities you have to face. You need to get over what the other kids have. No matter how much you make, there’s always going to be some other family that has more/better/nicer.

You need to deal with the fact that $75k in DC is not great money. Your child is going to need a bedroom. When you are a single parent responsible for a child, you don’t get to follow your bliss and work for a non-profit because of its mission. You need to do with a checkbook that which other families do with a partner. So you need a plan for financial security where everything is not hanging on a thread or one bad break sends you in a tailspin. Whether that’s get a better job, move to a lower COL area, or some other option is up to you.

Well 75k feels like a lot to me. I work in non profit and have no student loans or credit card debt. I manage my money very well and love what I do so don’t have an interest in moving to a “lower cost of living” and being a teacher for example.

We are not rich but I want 7yo DD to appreciate what she has. I make a point of getting her involved with situations where she can that others don't have what she has. Thru Church has been the easist for us, today she made sandwiches for the homeless at Sunday school ( they do it once a month and drop at a place that hands them out) .
The Church also does food for a local Elem school for sprink break and winter break. When we were filling the bags with cereal etc I told her that the kids who got this specific bag get whats in the bag for their meal. They don't get to choose what cereal they want, or if they want pancakes etc. The breakfast they get is the box of regular cheerios that has been provided. Same with their other meals.

At dinner time we do a high and low for the day and what we are thankful for. The thankful has to be specific to the day or a situation that happened that day. Not a generic friends and family response.
I have been thankful for having a doctors office that is only 10 mins away, a library we can walk to , a car to go places in, because not everyone has those things.......Pick the things that apply to you.

75k living in DC is not a decent income. Can you get a job in a lower COL city? Usually salaries don't fully adjust for COL and in the case of DC, they definitely don't. For example, if you're a teacher, you can make about as much in Kentucky as DC. But your COL is probably half. Growing up poor in downtown DC sounds terrible

Hi, I’m a single mom of 1 and make a fairly decent income ( 75 k and not skipping a beat). I moved into an apartment on the hill- English basement because I need quick access to work and daycare and having a car doesn’t fit in the budget. It’s affordable and just what we need for now. However- as my son is making friends fast, he is quick to point out all the amenities his friends have. An ‘ upstairs’ for example or a playroom with a whole wall of toys- all the kinetic sand he gets to play with and kids have their own bed/bedrooms. I’m beginning to have that sinking feeling of being lower class and like I’m not doing enough. I could move to a lower cost area but on my income- it would put me in the red just in logistics alone and even eat in my ability to spend quality time with him. I need that. The father and I didn’t work out- so be it.

How do I navigate these feelings that are eating at my esteem and help not only myself but my son since we are quite positioned in a high income area? How do I bond other parents without looking like a charity case or practice showing my son that he has more than enough? He is only 5 so I don’t know what conversation to have.