Anonymous wrote:I don’t think of them.

Me either. Who are these people who fret about what others do?

I don’t really think anything of what others do but if you’re asking ... I think it is weak and you should be able to handle your own kids. But I am also from the midwest and value not “being spoiled.”

I have 3 kids and have been amazed at how many people ask me if I have help and have been surprised when I say no (after first having to clarify what they are asking!). Um, no, they are my kids.

If I think of them at all, I think they’re lucky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like you have some issues to get over. I grew up in a home with a housekeeper and had a nanny until I was 12. We had a car service.

As an adult, we have a housekeeper and a nanny. I think nothing of people who have any amount of help. Everyone does what they're comfortable with. Why judge at all?

Bc I grew up with a midwestern middle class mom where it gets down to morals and character if you’re “soft” or “spoiled”. And even worse my kids will be spoiled brats with no work ethic beyond paid work from growing up this way. There are lots of threads on this mindset, it’s a fairly common thing. But yes I agree it’s not a useful mindset to have and I should get over it.

Okay. Thanks for explaining. Yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with making your life easier. My kids are not spoiled brats despite having a nanny and us having help with the house. They still have chores.

Anonymous wrote:You would probably think I hire an insane amount of help and don't know how to parent my own kids...but I truly don't care. I have the means and value my sanity. I work FT, and so does DH. I grew up watching my mom come home tired from a full day on her feet working and then cook dinner and deal with all the random demands of 3 kids. Of course she managed, but what benefit did it give us to have an exhausted mother? My parents could easily have afforded more help. My mom constantly tells me that she is so happy I have help and regrets not hiring more when we were young.

How much help do you have? We both work ft (and dh well beyond that) and have a full time nanny and a once a week housekeeper so I’m already lucky to come home to a clean house and not have the grind of getting kids to daycare. But I have a weird hang up that I feel like if I’m home, I should be doing it myself. If I get home early I always send the nanny home as soon as I’m home (I still pay full hours as I should), I’ve never before hired a helper on weekends. My neighbor always has her nanny stay the full hours even when she or her husband are there to keep cleaning up after the kids / prepare dinner / be another set of hand. That just feels so weird to me but I don’t know why. And this weekend was amazing

Anonymous wrote:I think nothing of people who have any amount of help. Everyone does what they're comfortable with. Why judge at all?

+1

We have a housekeeper, nanny, dog walker, yard guy, you name it. I work part time. We are both very present parents despite all the help. It’s just less stressful. There’s no prize in making things hard on yourself if you don’t have to. Glad you had a nice weekend, OP!

Why would you have judged them?

Anonymous wrote:It seems like you have some issues to get over. I grew up in a home with a housekeeper and had a nanny until I was 12. We had a car service.

As an adult, we have a housekeeper and a nanny. I think nothing of people who have any amount of help. Everyone does what they're comfortable with. Why judge at all?

Bc I grew up with a midwestern middle class mom where it gets down to morals and character if you’re “soft” or “spoiled”. And even worse my kids will be spoiled brats with no work ethic beyond paid work from growing up this way. There are lots of threads on this mindset, it’s a fairly common thing. But yes I agree it’s not a useful mindset to have and I should get over it.

You would probably think I hire an insane amount of help and don't know how to parent my own kids...but I truly don't care. I have the means and value my sanity. I work FT, and so does DH. I grew up watching my mom come home tired from a full day on her feet working and then cook dinner and deal with all the random demands of 3 kids. Of course she managed, but what benefit did it give us to have an exhausted mother? My parents could easily have afforded more help. My mom constantly tells me that she is so happy I have help and regrets not hiring more when we were young.

It seems like you have some issues to get over. I grew up in a home with a housekeeper and had a nanny until I was 12. We had a car service.

As an adult, we have a housekeeper and a nanny. I think nothing of people who have any amount of help. Everyone does what they're comfortable with. Why judge at all?

I think they have money and that they value a stress-free life.

Best use of disposable income to increase happiness.

I don’t think of them.

No judgment from me. We have really helpful grandparents who spend a lot of time with our oldest (preschooler) and have since she was born. And now it's even more helpful since we have a baby. People do what they can. This whole thing of just being a nuclear family and doing it in your own with no one else is a very recent phenomenon. People used to love closer to their extended families and there were more children and more adults all in it together.

I used to judge them and have eaten my humble pie and am now one of them. I have a 10mo and a 2.5yo and dh was gone for the weekend. I decided to hired a mothers helper for the weekend and it was amazing (honestly better than dh is home but that’s a different problem)! She stayed with the baby to nap while I took toddler out in am, she cleaned up from lunch while I put kids down from nap and ran errands. She was another set of hands so we could go to zoo and let the toddler run like a mad man while I sat with the baby for his bottle. She cleaned up from the day while I read books. I could have done the weekend myself and have done it and am glad that I have so that built up the skills just like we all do when we have to do something new kid wise. But this was so much earlier and more relaxing, instead of an exhausting and boring weekend, it was fun, calm, and I got a little down time before going back into the work week.

I still somewhat am judging myself for not just handling my own kids but I’m a work in progress on not judging over all and will continue working on my humble pie.