It's seriously not that hard to not engage with jerks.

From simply walking/moving away or using other nonverbals- shocked face, slightly curled lip, silence, mild head shake, slight jaw drop, deep sigh, eye roll... to the verbals:

"I'm not sure I understand"

"I hadn't noticed"

"why do you ask"

"It's not my business"

"Why would you say that"

"You should probably tell HER/HIM that you feel this way."

"Oh."

"Gosh, that's so personal"

"It doesn't bother me"

"That's uncharitable of you"

"I disagree, but it's not important"

"who SAYS that?"

"what do you mean"

"moving on..."

"sorry to change the topic but (insert new topic"

...and the list goes on and on...

with a combination of simply not responding/acknowledging her or smiling blandly

It won't change people like this and you will bore them by not playing along, but that's a good thing to not have to engage with people like this.

^^and trying to unwind that, but still maintain a semblance of family relationship with this person is what I'm trying to balance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know she's talking crap about you behind your back right?

Who cares?

Honestly, who cares what some busybody windbag is saying? I don't.

The only reason I care is it causes miscommunications and drama within the family. For instance, she told her husband something about my sister, who told my husband, who told me. . . so by the time it came to me, it was just gossip which could possibly cause drama if people actually believed what she said. Like, I know that most likely what she said is an exaggeration, but she's still planting seeds of doubt and confusion.

Anonymous wrote:You know she's talking crap about you behind your back right?

Who cares?

Honestly, who cares what some busybody windbag is saying? I don't.

Anonymous wrote:You know she's talking crap about you behind your back right?

Yup. I found that out this weekend (at least with respect to my sister). So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that she's talking crap about me either.

Share nothing about your life with her. But be nice and civil and direct topics of conversation to the most benign and mundane. If she oversteps, concisely tell her to stop, and drop it. Repeat as necessary and at first it might cause a little ruffled feathers, but she will get it eventually.

You know she's talking crap about you behind your back right?

That wouldn't bother me, OP. Are you spending a lot of time with her? Or are you... on social media, and she's commenting on your posts? If the latter, you know what the solution is!

^^Natalie is WEARING

"Oh, who cares about what Natalie is caring?"

"Oh, who cares if Ted wants to go to that Star Wars convention?"

"Oh, that's none of my business, so I don't care."

"Why would anyone care about that?"

"I'm too busy with my own life to care what the neighbors are doing."

All said easy and breezy, bemused smile, little laugh. Just make it clear that you aren't into that kind of conversation.

Anonymous wrote:Around her you become dumb and cheerful. If needed, add in a "well that's not a nice thing to say!". Do not engage and do not offer up any more ammo.

Ah, okay. I did the total opposite this weekend. I will be more prepared next time!

If it's how she is, you can certainly speak up when something makes you uncomfortable but whether she really hears you or not is out of your hands.

When someone is annoying to you, it's usually a lot more efficient to recognize what you're going to need to have the most comfortable possible time with them given reality. You might need to spend shorter amounts of time with them, point out specific things when they bother you (let's not comment on people at the next table - I'm feeling embarrassed), or set up little escapes for yourself like sudden "work emergency calls" that you have to take right now

Around her you become dumb and cheerful. If needed, add in a "well that's not a nice thing to say!". Do not engage and do not offer up any more ammo.

Ignore? I would rather say something to indicate I’m sick of it, but what?

I don’t necessarily want to avoid her because I enjoy spending time with her husband and even her kids. But it seems like she just can’t help but always comment on what others, including me, are saying / wearing / doing.