PP again. The other day at bedtime, I left his room and he called out for me to come back. "What happened." "All the fun is gone," he said, almost tearfully. I almost burst out laughing but reassured him that the fun will come back as soon as he gets more energy from sleeping and breakfast. This seemed to satisfy him.

OP, it sounds fairly normal to me. My 4 year old can be like this to an extent. For example, he's the world's sorest loser at the moment.

We were playing a game yesterday and I kept scoring more goals than him, which got him to completely lose control (grandma always lets him win so I was trying to temper the expectation). I hugged him, said I completely understood his feelings and that they were normal, but that we can learn to channel them differently. Then we watched some clips of his favorite tennis players (he loves Nadal and Serena) when they lose their cool after conceding a point. I pointed out that even they sometimes can't keep it together when they lose but mostly they know how the channel the disappointment. Then we watched videos of the same tennis players shaking hands with opponents after losing a match. We watched Osaka and Serena hug it out. He watched so carefully and calmed down considerably. I reiterated to him that his desire to win and not lose will serve him well and that it was normal, but that it was also ok to lose sometimes and that it happens even to the best of the best.

Today we played the same game, and again, I didn't let him win. He took it much much better. He eventually suggested we change the rules so that the game is more collaborative and no one would have to lose. I gave him lots of praise for channeling his feelings in a better way and then we played on the same team for a while, scoring goals on an empty net and laughing.

So my advice is lots of hugs and patience and reasoning. And listen to him. There is a concern underlying his behavior but it can be hard to get them to tell you what it is. They are little and they don't really understand what is happening or why they have the feelings they do.

(Oh, and of course make sure he is not hungry or tired. I hope that goes without saying.)

Therapy. Anxiety is a mental health issue. Even if you have mental health, there’s a reason health care practitioners never treat family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I see you said it's been going on for over a year... it's hard to say, because I still remind my polite 7-y-o to say please and thank you sometimes, which I've been doing for... 7 years. But on the other hand, it might be anxiety, if it's really extreme?

Yep. He’s got anxiety too. He has always had it to some extent- it comes out in all different ways. For example... He HAS to know exactly how the day will go. He went through a phase where he couldn’t go to sleep unless everything in his room was in its place, his blankets exactly right and straight, and he HAD to be on good terms with me and DH.

I would get some strategies to shut this behavior down. Please do not let the anxiety be used as an excuse for him behaving this way. Not at all saying anxiety is not a huge factor, but these behaviors later can just get worse. While anxiety may be playing a factor, he needs to know his wording is not ok at all. Therapy can help with this.

I was hoping to learn some strategies here! Nothing I’ve tried has worked.

Anonymous wrote:What specifically are you doing to address the anxiety? Therapy?

Nothing, yet. He just turned 5. What do you suggest?

I guess I have tried some things-like teaching him different ways to manage his feelings. We’ve meditated together. I got him a weighted blanket for sleep.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I see you said it's been going on for over a year... it's hard to say, because I still remind my polite 7-y-o to say please and thank you sometimes, which I've been doing for... 7 years. But on the other hand, it might be anxiety, if it's really extreme?

Yep. He’s got anxiety too. He has always had it to some extent- it comes out in all different ways. For example... He HAS to know exactly how the day will go. He went through a phase where he couldn’t go to sleep unless everything in his room was in its place, his blankets exactly right and straight, and he HAD to be on good terms with me and DH.

I would get some strategies to shut this behavior down. Please do not let the anxiety be used as an excuse for him behaving this way. Not at all saying anxiety is not a huge factor, but these behaviors later can just get worse. While anxiety may be playing a factor, he needs to know his wording is not ok at all. Therapy can help with this.

What specifically are you doing to address the anxiety? Therapy?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I see you said it's been going on for over a year... it's hard to say, because I still remind my polite 7-y-o to say please and thank you sometimes, which I've been doing for... 7 years. But on the other hand, it might be anxiety, if it's really extreme?

Yep. He’s got anxiety too. He has always had it to some extent- it comes out in all different ways. For example... He HAS to know exactly how the day will go. He went through a phase where he couldn’t go to sleep unless everything in his room was in its place, his blankets exactly right and straight, and he HAD to be on good terms with me and DH.

You might want to check into ocd, if rituals are that important to him. If you’re interrupting a ritual when you get this type of meltdown, it explains why, but it doesn’t solve it.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I see you said it's been going on for over a year... it's hard to say, because I still remind my polite 7-y-o to say please and thank you sometimes, which I've been doing for... 7 years. But on the other hand, it might be anxiety, if it's really extreme?

Yep. He’s got anxiety too. He has always had it to some extent- it comes out in all different ways. For example... He HAS to know exactly how the day will go. He went through a phase where he couldn’t go to sleep unless everything in his room was in its place, his blankets exactly right and straight, and he HAD to be on good terms with me and DH.

Who else does he hear doing this?

Sorry, I see you said it's been going on for over a year... it's hard to say, because I still remind my polite 7-y-o to say please and thank you sometimes, which I've been doing for... 7 years. But on the other hand, it might be anxiety, if it's really extreme?

I can answer the "why"-- he's 5. This is normal behavior, which is not to say you should correct it/give alternative ways to cope with frustrations (you should!), but some of this is an age thing, meaning-- he's not doing it because you did anything wrong as a parent, and growing up will do *some* of the work.

Our 5yo is blaming everyone else for his problems every time he gets frustrated, which is pretty much 10x a day. He yells and screams. "You distracted me!!!" "Mommy made me spill it!" "It's your fault for making my life not fun!" I thought it was just a phase, but it's really getting out of control and it's been going on for almost a year. The first issue is his frustration tolerance is incredibly low. The second issue is the intensity of his reaction is over the top. The third issue is the blaming.

What can I do to put a stop to it? And any insight as to why he is doing this? I've tried teaching him different coping strategies to manage his frustrations, to no avail.