I would talk to the school, absolutely. Time for a meta message about such comments. Surely your son is not the only child being affected by this.

My DD is mixed-race and recently went through something similar but driven by her own observations and not mean things that others said. She’s close in age to your child.

DH is first generation and struggled with issues like your son’s as a kid and just wanted to play sports and eat hot dogs rather than eat food from his parents’ country of origin, attend language school, or socialize outside of school with his parents kids’ friends. He wishes that his parents had let him be more “American” so he could just fit in. And honestly, no matter how many “typical American dad” boxes my DH ticks, certain people are always going to see him as other and be jerks about it. I’m sorry that your son is experiencing this already.

I don’t have a solution, but I want you to know that your child isn’t the only one struggling. And his friend sucks and so do the people excusing it. I know a lot of kids that watch a ton of TV and overhear all kinds of garbage, but it hasn’t made them mean. I wish I was your friend in real life so I could give the mom a nasty look from the soccer sideline.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just talk to your son. The other kid was being an idiot. Teach him not to be upset by what other people say. That's a skill everyone needs to learn, no matter what the issues in their lives are.

+1. Kids say stupid things. He could have made that up, seen or heard something like it on TV, etc....

I would not start stirring up the pot with the mom or teacher. Talk to your kid and teach him not to take things to heart too much.

I would only talk to the mom if this is a re-occurring pattern or behavior from the other child.

You are both awful. A child should not have to just deal with this. It is harmful to the op’s child. Reevaluate your privilege. Do better.

Consider talking to the school counselor about it, if it happens more than once.

Ignore the PPs who think your child is making this up/being too sensitive. Children can be cruel when they perceive someone as being different. I know this from personal experience and it is 100% the reason we chose to move to a diverse area where our child won't be the only Indian one in the school (we are 1/3 of the school, in fact).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it relevant to not wanting to eat dinner???

It's relevant because he was so so upset he could not eat.

Or that he's upset he's Indian and he doesn't want to eat Indian food because his white friends don't eat the same food as him. As the child of Indian parents, I get that. Sidebar, OP, please don't send Indian food in his lunch. I hate to say it (and I fully embrace my culture), but it's embarrassing to be different.

You do not talk to the mother. It happened at school and you address it with the school.

This happened to my biracial (black/white) daughter OP. It started at the same age. She started saying she hated being brown and having curly hair. Transpired Her classmates were telling her she was covered in mud and looked like a warthog (they were studying them at school) because of her curry hair and brown skin. During black history month someone asked her if her grandparents had chains around their necks. She became so despondent that, in her own 5 year old way , she said “I don’t want to be alive because I don’t know how to be happy being brown”. She called all black people ugly.
It’s a very long and extremely painful story but we eventually, after a year of talking to the school, decided to move her to a private school where she was not the only brown person and it’s made the world or difference.
In these situations it’s very hard to bring about change because most of the comments made are by children who are just not used to people different from them and are curious. No one has explained these differences. If there is no one else like them they bear the brunt of these comments and it can be very damaging. I was advised by the school social worker, off the record, to remove her from the school because where these situations had arisen before they often got worse not better.
I hope you have a better experience than we did and are able to resolve the situation within the current school.

Anonymous wrote:How is it relevant to not wanting to eat dinner???

He didn’t want to eat his Indian dinner.

Of course I would talk to the mother. I would want her white self to know what nasty swill her son is spouting. The child should be swiftly corrected and he should apologize to your child. How is it going to be corrected if the parent doesn’t know?

Yes, of course you should also talk to your child and reinforce his self-esteem. You should also give him some words to deal with us the next time it comes up- even “that’s not nice” or “that’s racist” will do. White people can also get really fraught when they hear someone calling their child racist. So I would go ahead and teach your son to use that when some kid acts like that. 5 is almost 6 and 6 is way too old for kids to be treating other kids that way, so he may as well learn now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it relevant to not wanting to eat dinner???

It's relevant because he was so so upset he could not eat.

Eating and comments are two separate issues. You deal with the comments, come up with a solution he is happy with - i.e. talk to the teacher, and then eat.

Anonymous wrote:How is it relevant to not wanting to eat dinner???

It's relevant because he was so so upset he could not eat.

How is it relevant to not wanting to eat dinner???

Anonymous wrote:Just talk to your son. The other kid was being an idiot. Teach him not to be upset by what other people say. That's a skill everyone needs to learn, no matter what the issues in their lives are.

+1. Kids say stupid things. He could have made that up, seen or heard something like it on TV, etc....

I would not start stirring up the pot with the mom or teacher. Talk to your kid and teach him not to take things to heart too much.

I would only talk to the mom if this is a re-occurring pattern or behavior from the other child.

Just talk to your son. The other kid was being an idiot. Teach him not to be upset by what other people say. That's a skill everyone needs to learn, no matter what the issues in their lives are.

We are a family of Indian origin. My son is five and he is in kindergarten. For a couple of nights now he hasn’t wanted to eat his (indian) dinner. That’s not unusual, he is sometimes picky so we didn’t give it much thought. Tonight we made his favorite dish and he was still picking at his food. I asked him why he didn’t want to eat and he blurted out that he wished he weren’t Indian. Upon a lot of prodding, he said his best friend at school says “you’re brown, so you’re like poop”. He was very upset and kept saying that he wished he weren’t brown.
What do we do now? I know that kids say these things, they’re too young to know any better, but it’s hard to see my son so dejected.
I know the mother of the boy, she is the class parent and lives in my neighborhood. We are in the same soccer team as well. Should I talk to her? I don’t want to sound accusatory and create bad blood. Do I talk to the teacher? Help!