I can't imagine paying for chores. If you want me to drive you to your friend's house or spend time t the park, certain chores need to be done.

I think you have to be careful about reward systems. They can be useful to train or encourage behavior, but you want the behavior to become intrinsically motivated, not extrinsically motivated (only for the reward). Reward systems should have some sensible end to them (age, date, item/reward runs out, etc.) You also want to be careful about being too specific, or you can hinder "over performance" or set up a system that is appropriate for one kid and not another.

We used rewards for potty training (called it pay for poop ). Big bag of M&Ms for one kid, gummies for another in a jar. Kid got one for production. System ended when jar was empty.

We didn't ever pay for specific grades (unlike some friends' parents), but had a "good report card" end of quarter treat for each kid. They could choose a movie, dinner out, ice cream or something similar. System ended as kids gradually forgot to ask for the treat. Didn't really need it for motivation for 2 (and one didn't care very much), but it was a nice way to give them some approval beyond "great job".

Chores are either "we all pitch in as a family to keep the house running" or specific payment for specific extra tasks (like mowing.)

Oh my gosh, your post made me remember. When my kids were little—and I do NOT remember what we asked them to do or what the prize was—I put something inside a box. I tied differently colored ribbons around it. It looked crazy and fun. When they did something, we got to cut one ribbon at a time. Once the last ribbon was cut, they got to get the prize inside.

I do not remember anything about this except that we did it. Memory loss? It might have been ~10 years ago when pinterest got started.

Anonymous wrote:One I saw featured in an article recently but haven’t tried.

A way to teach your kids values. Maybe this works well for 2-4 kids; you’d have to adapt for a single child.

Present a value at the beginning of the month. Honesty, dedication, sharing etc. Something that is abstract but you want your kids to learn about.

Tell them at the end of the week, whoever works on that value the most will get the “Honesty” certificate hung on their bedroom door. The certificate makes its rounds to other kids on the other weeks.

I like it because it is low stakes (just a poster), and teaches them something. You don’t even have to have a really perfect kid to point out the 1-2 things they did to earn the certificate during the week.

Typo corrections.

One I saw featured in an article recently but haven’t tried.

A way to teach your kids values. Maybe this works well for 2-4 kids also, you’d have to adapt for a single child. M

Present a value at the beginning of the month. Honesty, dedication, sharing etc. Something that is abstract but you want your kids to learn about.

Tell them at the end of the week, whoever works on that value the most will get a certificate hung on their bedroom door. The certificate routes around to kids on other weeks.

I like it because it is low stakes (just a poster), and teaches them something. You don’t even have to have a really perfect kid to point out the 1-2 things they did to earn the certificate during the week.

Small one. A friend of mine did for her then 3yo.
walk/run around the block = could watch an episode of TV

I liked it, didn’t need to or want to do that for our situation (we didn’t really have a block because do our odd shaped neighborhood / I had a wiggly baby that it was super hassle to get outdoors for only 5 minutes a lot a time).

She had a really young baby, but you know how they can just go in a baby carrier, and it’s good for mom to get out walking.

So I saw how it worked well for them.

My DS didn't do well behaving in school for a couple years, with notes from the teacher, getting sent to the office, etc. We tried all sorts of smaller and larger rewards and they didn't do anything. He eventually grew into better behavior.

Maybe they work for some kids. Didn't work for us.

Spedni BF, ol = this can be cut out. Don’t know where that came from at all.

Op back. I agree rewards and payments are different. Spedni BF, ol I like the outing with a parent poster.

Ha ha that’s a funny story about the weed pulling too!

Besides my chore payments, we have done other things but really temporary. Like, potty training stuff. Get 100 stickers (a sticker for each pee in the toilet) = get a big prize like a doll house.

Or we’ve done a couple to get them to stay in their bed at bedtime. 5 nights in a row = ice cream outing. I actually don’t remember any specifics, if it was ice cream or something else. But it was so worth it because we got through a bad phase / got a better habit established.

I think paying for a chore is not the same as a reward.

Paying for work done is how the world works and seems like a good plan for lots of reasons.

When I was a kid I was required in the summer to weed for 1 hour per day. My mother came by and saw that I was just laying in the grass and waiting for the time to go by --so then I had to save my weeds on a piece of newspaper to show her. Then I would pitch the pile into the woods. I figured out I could still just lie in the grass -- then before the hour was up would go get some old weeds from the woods and put a few "fresh" ones on top.
As an adult I told my mother about this. She laughed saying of course she knew this -- the plan was just to get me outside for a bit. It was never about the weeds. I was ten years old.

Anonymous wrote:A thing we do is have a punch card. 10 punches and my kids get an outing. We have done mini golf and ice skating.

It’s for good behavior at church. They love using my hole punch. So 10 times over 10 weeks (but they mess up, or we miss church sometimes, and so it takes months). Our kids are 4 and 7. The 4yo takes longer, the 7yo doesn’t really need it anymore. But it’s our reminder to take him on a special outing at this point.

Me again. We dropped it for the older boy for a while. He understood that it’s for little kids. But w/o him getting TOO jealous, he was showing signs of jealously... we reinstated it. It’s working out.
And for the younger boy, it really really helps him at least 50% of the time.

A thing we do is have a punch card. 10 punches and my kids get an outing. We have done mini golf and ice skating.

It’s for good behavior at church. They love using my hole punch. So 10 times over 10 weeks (but they mess up, or we miss church sometimes, and so it takes months). Our kids are 4 and 7. The 4yo takes longer, the 7yo doesn’t really need it anymore. But it’s our reminder to take him on a special outing at this point.

That’s a cute idea- 5c per weed, good incentive. That said, my kid is five and doesn’t seem money motivated. Maybe we would do that later in life as a fun “extra chore” thing.

In general I’m against rewards for behavior though. We expect good behavior. I think I gave a reward for potty training (gummy bear) and a reward for sleeping in his own bed (toy from CVS). Other than that, I’ve never used rewards for behavior.

Op here, and I’ll post a couple of mine. I’m thinking about this, because I want to add one more that I can see will help my kids. But I’m having a hard time getting the right idea. I’ll get back to that later.

One thing we do is have a list of chores we expect them to do. And another lost of chores they can earn money for. 1c for each laundry item sorted, or each dish and silverware item cleared into the drawers. 5c for weeds pulled. It adds up, they count as they sort. We practice multiplication and adding.

I write it down on a paper on the fridge. At the end of the month we do math to add it up. I pay them, and it’s typically a couple of dollars. One child ocassionally wants something I don’t want to buy, and she’ll work hard and earn 8-10 dollars. I’m willing to pay sooner in that case. These are ages 8 and 5.

Let’s talk about rewards and reward systems.

I’d like to see people share what they do to reward kids for various behaviors/actions.

On this thread, hopefully we’ll see more sharing and “wow that’s a good idea,” and not as much tearing down, criticism. Our kids are all different, and respond uniquely. Also, some rewards may be just a phase while they get the hang of something.

Also, I will preemptively state that we’ve all heard that food rewards can be mentally unhealthy down the road. But we all know times that it comes in handy.


State your:
Reward
Requirement to get the reward
Method of communicating, tracking, displaying
Frequency
Has it worked well?
Anything else? - for example, maybe there is something else you ask your kids for that isn’t a reward. Or something else to know about why/who/