Started taking pristine for anxiety and depression.

Wow this is one of the nicest threads I’ve seen on here in a long, long time.

Similar to posts above I made a conscious decision to accept DH, not undermine him, and be loving as I am with other people in my life who I love and don’t/can’t take for granted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stopped making negative comments. It's something that had bothered DH since dating -- i was not pessimistic, but grew up in a family where we nonstop criticized others. Have made a concerted effort to stop doing it. DH notices and i think it makes me feel better plus makes him happier and less annoyed with me. I really notice how much my parents do it now, and it drives me crazy.

Same. My DH is similar actually, and we got into a pattern of sniping at each other and then blaming the other for “starting it”. I finally realized that change starts with me and made a huge effort to STOP doing it, and bite my tongue, bite my tongue, bite my tongue! Sure enough- when I started making an effort DH did too. I just had to buck up and start it off.

This is what I came on to say. Not be negative and controlling. Not always have to have things my way.

Anonymous wrote:Stopped making negative comments. It's something that had bothered DH since dating -- i was not pessimistic, but grew up in a family where we nonstop criticized others. Have made a concerted effort to stop doing it. DH notices and i think it makes me feel better plus makes him happier and less annoyed with me. I really notice how much my parents do it now, and it drives me crazy.

Same. My DH is similar actually, and we got into a pattern of sniping at each other and then blaming the other for “starting it”. I finally realized that change starts with me and made a huge effort to STOP doing it, and bite my tongue, bite my tongue, bite my tongue! Sure enough- when I started making an effort DH did too. I just had to buck up and start it off.

Accepted, really accepted deep down that we are both flawed people but can choose to Love anyway. We are different people with our own minds and he has autonomy and therefore I cannot change him.And that because of that he does not reflect on me, for better or worse. He is his own person. This has made me less of a pain in the ass and i think he would say so too.

Being present as a listener--put down the phone, focus on what they were was saying, not getting caught up in trying solve anything---just listening.

Being acknowledged is a basic human need. I realized that when I'm intentional about doing this for my spouse, I'm adding to our relationship, not subtracting.

Realizing that no matter the amount of love him that I cannot fix him.

Loving him despite his flaws, and that choosing to separate was best for both of us .... even if he could not agree.

Stopped making negative comments. It's something that had bothered DH since dating -- i was not pessimistic, but grew up in a family where we nonstop criticized others. Have made a concerted effort to stop doing it. DH notices and i think it makes me feel better plus makes him happier and less annoyed with me. I really notice how much my parents do it now, and it drives me crazy.

Hit my limit. Had a breakdown and communicated what I needed and how I needed to move forward. Needed spouse to open up & he did and shared what he needed.
We have been working on it since and - while hard sometimes - we are both fully committed and it’s wonderful. We are in love again.
My frame of mind changed - I used to worry incessantly he would leave me one day for no reason - and now, after confronting myself and coming to terms with what I need I feel like I’m honest with him and myself. I found myself and even if I end up alone I will be fine.

Accepted my role as not having the main career in our marriage. He makes plenty of money. Twice what I make. I needed to settle in working part time while raising kids.

Started taking meds to treat my ADD.

I decided to accept DH and Stop worrying about what was wrong with him and focus on Building myself. And you know what, once I did that and I could be more loving with him he improved what he needed to on his own. He started taking better care of himself and his health and that was a constant sticking point previously. And when I saw what was happening I was even happier with him.

We had a lot of terrible points in our marriage but we just stuck it out together. Sometimes the best thing is to just not get divorced.

I carved out time for me and DIDNT feel guilty about it. I used to burn the candle in all directions and then beat myself up when I became exhausted or stressed or depressed or just completely checked out. DH was always there making sure I had time to take care of me and to do things for myself, but I always felt guilty. About 6 months ago DH finally confronted me about what he saw. He said I was happy when I was out doing things or when we went out together or as a family, but when I was at home, especially when we weren't doing anything, he could.see how unhappy I was. He knew I was stressed about a few things in my life (weight gain, emotionally taxing job, dad's declining health" and he was worried that I was going to have a breakdown.

And he was right, I was heading towards that. Because whenever I did something for myself, I always had the thoughts of what I SHOULD be doing instead. Or feeling guilty that DH was doing it. So I made a commitment to stop thinking like that. I got a self help book, started a workout routine and I am SO much happier. So maybe it didn't really improve our relationship in a big way (one of the few things I've never been stressed about) by my increased happiness just increased the happiness of the whole house

Anonymous wrote:Whether it’s a mindset or a behavior, what’s the positive change you’ve made that has improved your relationship

(Please don’t turn this into a depressing martyr thread of “I got an affair partner” or “I gave up on him ever caring about my needs and am biding my time to divorce, there are 1000 threads for that, I’m curious about how people made themselves the best partner / marriage they could be)

A decision about my attitude. To accept my husband as is. To love unconditionally the way I want to be loved. To see the flaws and embrace them. To realize he was here on this earth decades before me and he managed quite well without my help. Not nitpicking. It makes for a beautiful life.

Whether it’s a mindset or a behavior, what’s the positive change you’ve made that has improved your relationship

(Please don’t turn this into a depressing martyr thread of “I got an affair partner” or “I gave up on him ever caring about my needs and am biding my time to divorce, there are 1000 threads for that, I’m curious about how people made themselves the best partner / marriage they could be)