Anonymous
12/28/2019 16:53
Subject: Re:If you had 3 close together, how did it work?
Oldest was 3.5 when #3 was born.
I couldn’t do it all myself, and I ended up hiring a housekeeper four days a week.
I worked 20-25 hours/wk from 6am-10 or 11am M-F. DH worked 60-70 hours/wk.
To be fair, DH did not want to help with housework and was really not ok with crock-pot dinners and the like. We both liked to have real family dinners every day. For us, that meant outside help.
Kids are older now. Youngest of five is 5 years old. We still have outside help, but it’s more like once a week.
I couldn’t do it all myself, and I ended up hiring a housekeeper four days a week.
I worked 20-25 hours/wk from 6am-10 or 11am M-F. DH worked 60-70 hours/wk.
To be fair, DH did not want to help with housework and was really not ok with crock-pot dinners and the like. We both liked to have real family dinners every day. For us, that meant outside help.
Kids are older now. Youngest of five is 5 years old. We still have outside help, but it’s more like once a week.
Anonymous
12/28/2019 16:29
Subject: Re:If you had 3 close together, how did it work?
I do, but only through having step children. Let's be real - the baby years are rough. Once everyone is 1. sleeping through the night, and 2. out of diapers, and 3. not needing naps, everything gets a LOT easier. I sometimes manage four by myself and it's no problem, but the youngest is now six.
Dealing with diapers and kids who pull things down on themselves and can't express themselves with words in a total of THREE babies? That's gonna be rough.
Dealing with diapers and kids who pull things down on themselves and can't express themselves with words in a total of THREE babies? That's gonna be rough.
Anonymous
12/28/2019 15:31
Subject: Re:If you had 3 close together, how did it work?
Anonymous wrote:Not trying to be snarky, but do you have 2 DCs and are trying to figure out #3? We had 3 under 4, my partner is in big law, and I work FT. They are now 2, 4, and almost 6, so it Is still a physical grind, even though one has started kindergarten. But if you have 2 and are thinking about #3, you will probably be ok - you already have a lot of your support network set up. If you don’t already have 2, have the 2 and see how it is going before worrying about this.
We have had a nanny, but prefer a combination of daycare/ preschool/ aftercare for child care during my work hours. We have a mother’s helper once a week, high kicked in when #3 was about 6 months and I was losing my mind doing solo bedtime each weeknight. Just knowing I had help once a week made everything seem better. When DC #3 was about 18 months it got a lot easier and now the mother’s helper comes so I can have individual time w my kids in the evening.
I used to do mornin routines largely alone because we didn’t leave the house until 9 with the kids and DH would have work calls or meetings starting at 9 so woul want to leave by 8. I finally told my DH he could not leave the house unless he helped me get the kids out the door - it was just taking too long getting them all ready on my own, doin drop off and then pick up and bedtime solo. We all get up one hour earlier to get out the door by 7:45, but I am so much happier.
It is a grind physically, but also mentally. There are moments when everyone is screaming or crying and you just want to put them down and walk away, and instead you have to stay calm and cheerful and get everyone back on track and then you still need to head into th office and get your work done. Or when you are up every couple of hours because one child is teething and it goes on like that for a week.
Yes I have 2 (1 and 2.5yo) and am entirely exhausted at the end of the day but would love to have one more if I can get through the first few years without losing it. I’m old so can’t wait for a bigger gap (not even sure a 3rd would happen, 1st was tough to conceive, second was easy), I work but am open to not in theory though I think trying to take care of 3 all day would be brutal with no relief,, and dh works very long hours. I could get some help whether I work or not to make first few years more manageable, get all 3 some individual attention. and make sure the middle child didn’t get lost in the shuffle and the baby didn’t spend all day in the car only getting cat naps. I’m trying to think through what that might look like to meet the needs of 3 such little ones and no one getting the short end of the stick / not getting a chance to be a baby / gettting lost in shuffle. I think long term 2 siblings would be better for each of them, but short term don’t want to turn their toddlerhoods into never leaving the house bc it’s too hard with 3 etc
Anonymous
12/28/2019 12:16
Subject: If you had 3 close together, how did it work?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We had 3 in 2.5 years. I SAH and DH is partner at a firm and works long hours including some travel. I’m able to do it all myself and while it is non-stop and takes a lot of energy, it’s definitely not impossible.
If your spouse is a law partner (so presumably you have money) why do you do it all yourself? Why not hire someone to help with bedtime sometimes so you can get some relaxed snuggle time with each kid 1:1 on occasion? Why not have someone stay home with baby so they can get a good morning nap while you take out older kids? Not a judgement question, just real curiosity bc I approach it very differently with my 3
I want to be super hands on and do things together as a family. The older two are in preschool 3 mornings a week so that is some built in time with just the baby I suppose. I do have a cleaner every week which is what I wanted help with.
Does dh take over at all on weekends or is all of your time dedicated to childcare / preparing meals for 3 / getting 3 to bed etc 7 days a week. with my 2 - that goes from about 530am to 9pm to get everything done. Doing that 100% of the time 7 days a week would break me (I work - so while I still work all those would (either home stuff or job) at least work is a different type of skills and activity
Anonymous
12/28/2019 11:18
Subject: If you had 3 close together, how did it work?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We had 3 in 2.5 years. I SAH and DH is partner at a firm and works long hours including some travel. I’m able to do it all myself and while it is non-stop and takes a lot of energy, it’s definitely not impossible.
If your spouse is a law partner (so presumably you have money) why do you do it all yourself? Why not hire someone to help with bedtime sometimes so you can get some relaxed snuggle time with each kid 1:1 on occasion? Why not have someone stay home with baby so they can get a good morning nap while you take out older kids? Not a judgement question, just real curiosity bc I approach it very differently with my 3
I want to be super hands on and do things together as a family. The older two are in preschool 3 mornings a week so that is some built in time with just the baby I suppose. I do have a cleaner every week which is what I wanted help with.
Anonymous
12/28/2019 10:27
Subject: If you had 3 close together, how did it work?
Anonymous wrote:We had 3 in 2.5 years. I SAH and DH is partner at a firm and works long hours including some travel. I’m able to do it all myself and while it is non-stop and takes a lot of energy, it’s definitely not impossible.
If your spouse is a law partner (so presumably you have money) why do you do it all yourself? Why not hire someone to help with bedtime sometimes so you can get some relaxed snuggle time with each kid 1:1 on occasion? Why not have someone stay home with baby so they can get a good morning nap while you take out older kids? Not a judgement question, just real curiosity bc I approach it very differently with my 3
Anonymous
12/28/2019 10:24
Subject: If you had 3 close together, how did it work?
Anonymous wrote:Millions of women do this every day without outside help. So, obviously, it can be done. My mother did it with five and house was always clean. She, however, was organized and taught all of us to do things to help her, e.h., pick up toys, make our own beds by the time we were five. We also knew how to take laundry to be washed and we were able to open dryer, fold clothes by age 6. I taught my children the same. It can be done but being organized is the key!
Why do snarky?? No one claims it’s easy to take care of 3 children 3 and under on your own. Especially during transition times, getting out of the house, putting to bed etc. Yes a 6 year old can actually be a big help with laundry and holding littler hands on the stairs, any kid 5 and older makes the situation easier vs harder
Anonymous
12/28/2019 09:40
Subject: Re:If you had 3 close together, how did it work?
I am due with my 3rd and my first two are 3 and 4.5 years old. The older two have become much more independent in the last 6 months so I am not that concerned about adding a new baby. They sleep through the night (12 hours) are both potty trained and can get their own snacks/water. While they of course still need a lot of help with things it’s not like when I had a newborn and a 19 month old. I do solo parenting a lot (DH is in big law) and have no outside help. I work full time (from home though in a very flexible job) and the kids are in daycare while I work.
Anonymous
12/28/2019 09:39
Subject: If you had 3 close together, how did it work?
We both work FT, although not out of the house every day. So, there weren’t days when all five of us had to be out of the house at a certain time. Bedtime on your own, you figure out.
Parenting older kids is still tough, but in different ways. The sheer physical exhaustion with multiple little kids is its own animal, for sure.
Parenting older kids is still tough, but in different ways. The sheer physical exhaustion with multiple little kids is its own animal, for sure.
Anonymous
12/28/2019 09:36
Subject: If you had 3 close together, how did it work?
We had 3 in 2.5 years. I SAH and DH is partner at a firm and works long hours including some travel. I’m able to do it all myself and while it is non-stop and takes a lot of energy, it’s definitely not impossible.
Anonymous
12/28/2019 09:32
Subject: Re:If you had 3 close together, how did it work?
Anonymous wrote:Not trying to be snarky, but do you have 2 DCs and are trying to figure out #3? We had 3 under 4, my partner is in big law, and I work FT. They are now 2, 4, and almost 6, so it Is still a physical grind, even though one has started kindergarten. But if you have 2 and are thinking about #3, you will probably be ok - you already have a lot of your support network set up. If you don’t already have 2, have the 2 and see how it is going before worrying about this.
We have had a nanny, but prefer a combination of daycare/ preschool/ aftercare for child care during my work hours. We have a mother’s helper once a week, high kicked in when #3 was about 6 months and I was losing my mind doing solo bedtime each weeknight. Just knowing I had help once a week made everything seem better. When DC #3 was about 18 months it got a lot easier and now the mother’s helper comes so I can have individual time w my kids in the evening.
I used to do mornin routines largely alone because we didn’t leave the house until 9 with the kids and DH would have work calls or meetings starting at 9 so woul want to leave by 8. I finally told my DH he could not leave the house unless he helped me get the kids out the door - it was just taking too long getting them all ready on my own, doin drop off and then pick up and bedtime solo. We all get up one hour earlier to get out the door by 7:45, but I am so much happier.
It is a grind physically, but also mentally. There are moments when everyone is screaming or crying and you just want to put them down and walk away, and instead you have to stay calm and cheerful and get everyone back on track and then you still need to head into th office and get your work done. Or when you are up every couple of hours because one child is teething and it goes on like that for a week.
This sounds...awful. Why would you choose this for yourself?
Anonymous
12/28/2019 09:22
Subject: If you had 3 close together, how did it work?
Millions of women do this every day without outside help. So, obviously, it can be done. My mother did it with five and house was always clean. She, however, was organized and taught all of us to do things to help her, e.h., pick up toys, make our own beds by the time we were five. We also knew how to take laundry to be washed and we were able to open dryer, fold clothes by age 6. I taught my children the same. It can be done but being organized is the key!
Anonymous
12/28/2019 08:49
Subject: If you had 3 close together, how did it work?
Do you have any kids yet, OP?
Anonymous
12/27/2019 23:13
Subject: Re:If you had 3 close together, how did it work?
Not trying to be snarky, but do you have 2 DCs and are trying to figure out #3? We had 3 under 4, my partner is in big law, and I work FT. They are now 2, 4, and almost 6, so it Is still a physical grind, even though one has started kindergarten. But if you have 2 and are thinking about #3, you will probably be ok - you already have a lot of your support network set up. If you don’t already have 2, have the 2 and see how it is going before worrying about this.
We have had a nanny, but prefer a combination of daycare/ preschool/ aftercare for child care during my work hours. We have a mother’s helper once a week, high kicked in when #3 was about 6 months and I was losing my mind doing solo bedtime each weeknight. Just knowing I had help once a week made everything seem better. When DC #3 was about 18 months it got a lot easier and now the mother’s helper comes so I can have individual time w my kids in the evening.
I used to do mornin routines largely alone because we didn’t leave the house until 9 with the kids and DH would have work calls or meetings starting at 9 so woul want to leave by 8. I finally told my DH he could not leave the house unless he helped me get the kids out the door - it was just taking too long getting them all ready on my own, doin drop off and then pick up and bedtime solo. We all get up one hour earlier to get out the door by 7:45, but I am so much happier.
It is a grind physically, but also mentally. There are moments when everyone is screaming or crying and you just want to put them down and walk away, and instead you have to stay calm and cheerful and get everyone back on track and then you still need to head into th office and get your work done. Or when you are up every couple of hours because one child is teething and it goes on like that for a week.
We have had a nanny, but prefer a combination of daycare/ preschool/ aftercare for child care during my work hours. We have a mother’s helper once a week, high kicked in when #3 was about 6 months and I was losing my mind doing solo bedtime each weeknight. Just knowing I had help once a week made everything seem better. When DC #3 was about 18 months it got a lot easier and now the mother’s helper comes so I can have individual time w my kids in the evening.
I used to do mornin routines largely alone because we didn’t leave the house until 9 with the kids and DH would have work calls or meetings starting at 9 so woul want to leave by 8. I finally told my DH he could not leave the house unless he helped me get the kids out the door - it was just taking too long getting them all ready on my own, doin drop off and then pick up and bedtime solo. We all get up one hour earlier to get out the door by 7:45, but I am so much happier.
It is a grind physically, but also mentally. There are moments when everyone is screaming or crying and you just want to put them down and walk away, and instead you have to stay calm and cheerful and get everyone back on track and then you still need to head into th office and get your work done. Or when you are up every couple of hours because one child is teething and it goes on like that for a week.
Anonymous
12/27/2019 22:15
Subject: If you had 3 close together, how did it work?
I mean the question very tactically. If you had 3 within 3 or 4 years (so no one was very self sufficient or already in k) was one person able to care for all 3 kids? Was this fairly doable after the first few months or grueling for any long stretch of time. Can one person do bedtime on their own and if so how? If you stayed home, did you have some degree of additional help? If you worked, was your partner always around when you were both trying to get out of the house in the morning?
I get people’s point that in some ways it gets hard later with activities etc but those seem more surmountable than the intense physical and conflicting needs and schedules of 3 tiny ones for one adult
I get people’s point that in some ways it gets hard later with activities etc but those seem more surmountable than the intense physical and conflicting needs and schedules of 3 tiny ones for one adult