I will get flamed/argued with for this. I think it’s easy enough to tell after a few years of dating and a few years of marriage whether or not a man is an asshole, is controlling, is limiting access to money, etc. People don’t change overnight, despite all those who supposedly “never saw it coming!”

If I had any hint, any hint at all that my husband was financially or otherwise controlling, I’d never have stayed home. I would have stayed working and divorced.

But I’ve always had full control of the money, when I worked and when I didn’t. My husband is kind and selfless and just the best sort of person, and so is all of his family. He has never tried to exert control over me and always makes sure I feel comfortable with things.

Fast forward and now we’ve been together 20 years and married for 17. Even if he abruptly left me, half of all of our assets would be more than enough for me. Our two homes are almost paid off and college is fully funded, in addition to all of our other investments.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

So your DH can never fall in love with someone else because you didn’t marry a ‘jerk?’ I see...

Awwww...is it called "falling in love"? Nope. I expect complete loyalty and fidelity because did not marry a jerk. Ymmv.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

So your DH can never fall in love with someone else because you didn’t marry a ‘jerk?’ I see...

There are a bunch of men in another post who are in sexless marriages who plan on divorcing their wives and apparently their wives have no idea

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know that no one wants to think of a marriage ending but i just saw a post about a SAHM who wants to leave her husband but financially it seems too difficult. If you are a SAHM who is helping advance husband’s career by taking on the brunt of childcare and housework do you have a post nup agreement? Does he put money into a bank account for you that only you can access? Can you live off alimony if you divorce?

Most Wohms make pitiful amounts of money and cannot have the same standard of living if they divorced. If you are working, you also get less alimony.

I WOH and don't consider $165K a year and good benefits to be "pitiful." But whatevs.

Are you "most WOHMs"? Are you planning to divorce? Will your standard if living be the same then what it is now if you divorce (if your DH is working too?)

Just curious but if all assets are in both names does that mean a husband can drain all accounts in advance of a divorce?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know that no one wants to think of a marriage ending but i just saw a post about a SAHM who wants to leave her husband but financially it seems too difficult. If you are a SAHM who is helping advance husband’s career by taking on the brunt of childcare and housework do you have a post nup agreement? Does he put money into a bank account for you that only you can access? Can you live off alimony if you divorce?

Most Wohms make pitiful amounts of money and cannot have the same standard of living if they divorced. If you are working, you also get less alimony.

I WOH and don't consider $165K a year and good benefits to be "pitiful." But whatevs.

well, I don’t consider you representative of all women. But whatevs.

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

So your DH can never fall in love with someone else because you didn’t marry a ‘jerk?’ I see...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

People can change

Very few people I know who have divorced, actually we're blindsided. They got married to damaged people and all signs pointed to that before they married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know that no one wants to think of a marriage ending but i just saw a post about a SAHM who wants to leave her husband but financially it seems too difficult. If you are a SAHM who is helping advance husband’s career by taking on the brunt of childcare and housework do you have a post nup agreement? Does he put money into a bank account for you that only you can access? Can you live off alimony if you divorce?

Most Wohms make pitiful amounts of money and cannot have the same standard of living if they divorced. If you are working, you also get less alimony.

I WOH and don't consider $165K a year and good benefits to be "pitiful." But whatevs.

Don't do what my neighbor did. Two Christmases ago, we were at her house for a big neighborhood open house. People were playing a board game, and the dice rolled under the china cabinet.

Neighbor kid goes to get it, and pulls out/kind of knocks the lid off-a long, flat box full of CASH.

Hostess comes rushing in, trying to stop it, and the husband follows her and is like, "What IS that, Jennie?" And she stutters and blushes and is like...that's my stash.

That was how she was protecting herself, oopsie!

Anonymous wrote:I know that no one wants to think of a marriage ending but i just saw a post about a SAHM who wants to leave her husband but financially it seems too difficult. If you are a SAHM who is helping advance husband’s career by taking on the brunt of childcare and housework do you have a post nup agreement? Does he put money into a bank account for you that only you can access? Can you live off alimony if you divorce?

Most Wohms make pitiful amounts of money and cannot have the same standard of living if they divorced. If you are working, you also get less alimony.

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

People can change

A huge amount of insurance too...so that you never have to work if your DH is disabled or deceased.

No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

I know that no one wants to think of a marriage ending but i just saw a post about a SAHM who wants to leave her husband but financially it seems too difficult. If you are a SAHM who is helping advance husband’s career by taking on the brunt of childcare and housework do you have a post nup agreement? Does he put money into a bank account for you that only you can access? Can you live off alimony if you divorce?