If you didn’t know you were out of diapers, does that mean you don’t change the diapers ever? What about at night?

I think you may be in another stratosphere of wealth.

I'd fire her over the lateness. That's a total deal breaker to me.

We had diapers on a regularly scheduled order, so we never ran out.

When our nanny was new, I wrote what to do on which days. Tuesday - story time at X Library at noon. Wednesday - story time at Book Shop at 10am. I'd also ask the nanny to get specific things done on certain days. "Today during nap time would you please go through DD's clothes and pull everything that's 3-6 months?"

Playdates at that age are for adults, not babies and not necessary. The other issues need to be addressed and a good reason not to continue.

Nanny here and she sounds like an adequate nanny, but nothing special.

I agree that playdates aren’t needed for infants, but when my charges are infants we are singing songs, getting new books at the library, going to museums, playing outside in different environments, setting up sensory activities, etc. My guess is that if she were doing projects and outings other than playdates or classes then you wouldn’t be posting. Instead, you are using the lack of playdates and classes as more of a proxy for your general sense that she is not independent. You don’t want a babysitter-type nanny where you have to plan and she executes; you are looking for a parenting team partner—someone with knowledge of child development and the ability to curate a rich and stimulating environment for your child.

Being regularly late is a big problem in and of itself, but the overall problem seems to be that you have kind of a lackluster nanny.

So there are two ways to go here:
First is to hire a new nanny, but if you hired this one then either something is wrong with your hiring process or something is “wrong” (undesirable) with your job. So before you jump into hiring someone new, take a look at your job requirements and benefits packages. If you know any nannies you like through friends or maybe someone who babysits for you on weekends and so on, ask them to go over your job requirements and benefits and give feedback. Then think carefully about what you want in a nanny and what is negotiable and start hiring with that clear vision. Ask a lot of in-depth, open-ended questions and if you are hiring for someone who is a self-starter look for people who have their own questions and are interviewing you too.

The other option is that you may find in asking around that your job requirements and benefits package are out of step with the nanny market in ways you can’t fix. Either you can’t afford a competitive wage or you need too much flexibility or some other issue. If that is the case, I would look at daycares in your area, because past the infant stage a good daycare is going to be better in many ways than a meh nanny. It will be less convenient, but should be a cost savings. Another solution is looking at nanny shares, since that would give you access to a higher caliber nanny than you could afford solo.

Lateness is an issue for sure. For the rest I would outline expectations (a new year is a great excuse to have that conversation without it seeming critical!). I would clearly outline expectations and baby-related tasks you’d like to offload to her. You will still have to manage her if she’s not naturally proactive. I suggest to my nanny that in the next week or two, I’d like her to sort out outgrown clothes and make a list of items where I need to buy the next size up. My nanny is explicitly told that she should maintain a list of everything we are running low on (and a pad of paper lives on the counter for that purpose). I ask her to research classes and make a suggestion on which one she might like to go to with the baby. I view all of these things as just part of managing an employee. It’s tough to add that on to your already busy day, but it’s the downside of having a nanny and being able to customize the experience (rather than another childcare setting where you wouldn’t have as much choice). Good luck!

21:44 PP here
I forgot to mention the one thing I don’t do is tell my boss when she’s running low on things. Not unless it’s baby related and it’s something that I use daily. I know she sees everything that I see...so I’m assuming she knows there’s only 12 diapers left since she got the baby ready this morning.

Talk about nit picking! I tell you this honestly. It is up to you or dh to set up any of these thing. She is doing her job. As for supplies, you need to explain to her how you want things done. She thought she was a nanny, you want her to be a mom!

Nanny here - I disagree that play dates aren’t for 10 month olds....both my children were very social at that age and while they do parallel play mostly, they definitely entertain and occupy each other.


I do all of the things you stated in your post, OP. Including being late in the mornings. I’m often 5-10 mins late (generally because one of my children has some issue on the way out the door). If my boss really needs to leave at a specific time she tells me before hand and I make sure I’m early not just on time. But if you’re having to ask her multiple times to be on time either change her start time to 15 mins earlier or give her an ultimatum.

It’s reasonable to ask your nanny to arrange play dates, but maybe you can help her set something up. She really could just be more of an introvert and prefer not to be with other people (especially if she’s not great at making friends on her own).

The only issue is lateness. The other stuff is your responsibility.

If you want her to do more, you need to ask or tell her. Clear communication is the key and "I'd like him to get our more" of a far cry from "I'd like him to have three playdates a week" (although as others have mentioned 10 month old don't need play dates).

You seriously think your nanny isn't the right fit because she doesn't organize your kid's drawers. Your expectations are not realistic.

Our nanny does all the things you are looking for and has never once been late in over a year. She even organized and runs a playgroup with set activities and reads a story to three other crawlers. She finds every single free concert, storytime and art class for DS. So, yes, it is possible to find a friendly, warm, proactive and engaged nanny. She was also a preschool teacher and is paid $30 an hour on the books.

Make sure you can afford what you want.

I think if you want someone who does all of those things maybe this nanny isn’t the right fit, but you should at least have a frank conversation with her first to tell her you need her to do those things and see if she starts.

Personally, my nanny goes way above and beyond in most of these areas but maybe we are just lucky. She is early everyday (which I never asked for), always cooks for my son and leaves me grocery lists with ingredients for things she wants to make for him. She always tells me before we run out of something so I can order, she keeps all his stuff in perfect order and is definitely more organized than I am. She also made friends with a couple other nannies in the neighborhood and they have a weekly play group that rotates houses.

So there are definitely nannies who do these things and if they are important to you then give your nanny once more change or look for someone new.

She is aware how illogical playdates are for infants.

Playgrounds are not designed for infants.

Classes are breeding grounds for germs and again illogical for infants.

I assume you change at least a few diapers a day. Are you not aware when the stock is getting low? You don't notice, but expect her to?

Lateness is an issue. Tell her if you are late you will loose your job and then she will be out of a job

Anonymous wrote:10 month olds don't need play dates.
The lateness is an issue as the not cooking and lack of attention to supplies. But in my contract with nannies it states what the duties are and they include cooking purées and then simple meals for the baby. I have a nanny to make my life easier and it harder.
We had a wonderful nanny for our eldest who did the playground/park every day it was not raining and cooked a big variety of things. She never once set up a play date. They had some buddies at the park when she was 2 but that's because they went at the same time every day and met up with other kids on the same schedule.

This. At that age playdates are for parents.

10 month olds don't need play dates.
The lateness is an issue as the not cooking and lack of attention to supplies. But in my contract with nannies it states what the duties are and they include cooking purées and then simple meals for the baby. I have a nanny to make my life easier and it harder.
We had a wonderful nanny for our eldest who did the playground/park every day it was not raining and cooked a big variety of things. She never once set up a play date. They had some buddies at the park when she was 2 but that's because they went at the same time every day and met up with other kids on the same schedule.

We hired our nanny almost 6 months ago and while my 10 month old really likes her, DH and I are not sure she is exactly what we want for the long term. We don’t necessarily want to let her go, but are worried if we decide later on it isn’t working out it will be harder for our son later on. Our main issues are as follows:

- in six months she has not set up a single playdate for DS, and while she takes him for walks daily, she has never sought out a storytime or any other activities. I don’t think she even took him to the playground when it was warmer a couple month ago (granted he was only like 7/8 months). I signed him up for a class once a week so I thought she could meet others there and arrange something but she hasn’t. We have mentioned we would like him to get out more and asked if she’s met any other nannies but she says no.

- she will do anything we ask but is never proactive. She doesn’t offer to cook for DS, doesn’t organize his drawers especially when he outgrows things, etc.

- she always forgets to tell us when we are running low on supplies like diapers or wipes. Tonight I got home from work and she told me we were completely out of diapers. I reminded her to please tell me in advance so I have time to order them since now I have to run out to the store.

- she is a few minutes late almost every day. We have asked her to try to be on time and she says she will, but she isn’t. While my job is flexible and I don’t have to be there at a set time, I don’t love that I am now getting to work later and later everyday, and there have been a couple times I was late for meetings because the later I leave the worse the traffic is.

So based on the above how egregious are these? When I talk to friends with nannies they don’t seem to have these problems which is why I am second guessing things so much. The hard part is that we really like her personally so I would definitely feel bad letting her go. But I also don’t want to feel like we are settling. What would others do here?