Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is all great advice. I am local but work full time and stretched thin with childcare, job, house, etc. I have adjusted my work schedule to help with driving my dad to his treatments a couple times a week, visiting mom, cooking and running errands a couple times a week, and managing stuff by phone and email. But I feel tapped out and unable to do more while caring for my family and keeping my job.

They need more help than I can give so I am working on that. They won’t qualify for need based programs so I am now weighing working with an agency or individual caregivers to provide assistance. Are there case managers who can help with coordinating care if they won’t qualify for financial assistance. Or is that me? Sigh.

Hire people ASAP. I get sucked into all this and my parents starting throwing tantrums once I finally hired out. They got too used to it and had lost the ability to empathize. I was depressed trying to juggle helping them with my own family and job and you need to rip the bandaid now before it will give you a nervous breakdown. There are places that deliver food. Get a case manager on the ball and start sucking through the money to save your own sanity. Hire drivers. Also use your time to look into residential places. I really think aging in place is a disaster in many cases from not being able to elder proof everything to aides not showing up or steeling. By stealing I don't just mean stealing items, I mean giving your parents a sob story so they will write a check. Get help from the case manager with exploring residential and then have the case manager help you if you go that route. They know how to talk to elders in a way they can listen. Plus as the adult child, it can be impossible because they want you to be their subordinate.

I'm the previous poster. I forgot to add, the Alexandria City program was not based on your financial situation.

Op, check with the Fairfax County Department of Aging. I had an elderly relative in the City of Alexandria who used a service provided by that city, which provided rides for the elderly at a fixed rate from a local taxi service. They won't wait for you, but they will schedule pickups to and from appointments. I would guess Fairfax County has a similar service.

OP here. This is all great advice. I am local but work full time and stretched thin with childcare, job, house, etc. I have adjusted my work schedule to help with driving my dad to his treatments a couple times a week, visiting mom, cooking and running errands a couple times a week, and managing stuff by phone and email. But I feel tapped out and unable to do more while caring for my family and keeping my job.

They need more help than I can give so I am working on that. They won’t qualify for need based programs so I am now weighing working with an agency or individual caregivers to provide assistance. Are there case managers who can help with coordinating care if they won’t qualify for financial assistance. Or is that me? Sigh.

Anonymous wrote:OP here and our situation has become more dire. My father was just diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and both parents will need transportation to and from doctors appointments, radiation and chemotherapy. We may need nursing for both parents as well. They really want to stay in their home if at all possible. They have money.

If they want to stay in their home, it is time to hire someone. You can start out with 4 hours a day- they can do driving,light housekeeping, cooking...... more if you need it later. Are you foreseeing them staying in their home if they need round the clock care? Do they have a full bath on the first floor?

As far as taxis,Uber and Lyft, my friends tend to hire them for their parents- even from out of state. SO,if you are in a pinch and one needs to go one way and the other needs to go another, then you can order them yourselves.

You will also have to try to carve out more time for you (and any siblings) to help out more. Get your parents to allow their doctors to talk with you (and/or any siblings) - so you can coordinate care. Make eat to fix meals for their fridge. Visit, remember together, laugh.

This is a time when you will be pulled in many directions. If you are normally a very busy person, you may need to back off some of your obligations for the next few months. Planning now helps.

OP — You may want to talk to a few care agencies and ask friends if any have so,I’d recommendations to try the idea of in-home Care. If you do not live in this area and they have money, you may look for an elder care manager who would handle whatever their needs might be or interface with an agency. It seems as if you may want to look at area continuing care communities to see what services are offered at all levels including nursing. Also a good agency would come and do an evaluation of your oarents’ Home in terms of advising safety features to install.

You also may want to look at ways to make their every day lives simpler even fir a caregiver such as you itr someone taking over bill paying, finding a pharmacy that delivers, getting them set up with a way to get their food shopping done. It sounds like everyday tasks may become too much for them soon.

Also do you have the legal paper set up so you or someone can help with medical decisions, help handle finances etc.

OP here and our situation has become more dire. My father was just diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and both parents will need transportation to and from doctors appointments, radiation and chemotherapy. We may need nursing for both parents as well. They really want to stay in their home if at all possible. They have money.

There are non emergency transport services. One in NOVA gets good ratings. I can’t think of the name but google non emergency medical transport and you will find it.

You may also want to call nursing services. They have aides who can drive and be there, but of course with any service you pay for the person to wait.

Anonymous wrote:My 85-year-old mother doesn't drive and has been relying on my father for transportation to various doctors' appointments, errands, meetings, etc. He is exhausted and desperately in need of a break from driving and she needs more freedom from him. I've tried training her to take Uber or Lyft, but she is unable to operate her cell phone and I'm worried she would get stranded or overwhelmed. I'm looking for an "as needed" driver who could drive her to an appointment, wait for her, and drive her home, maybe once or twice a week. Does anyone have recommendations for drivers who work with elderly clients? My mom is in Reston. Thanks!

The "wait for her" part is going to be tough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 85-year-old mother doesn't drive and has been relying on my father for transportation to various doctors' appointments, errands, meetings, etc. He is exhausted and desperately in need of a break from driving and she needs more freedom from him. I've tried training her to take Uber or Lyft, but she is unable to operate her cell phone and I'm worried she would get stranded or overwhelmed. I'm looking for an "as needed" driver who could drive her to an appointment, wait for her, and drive her home, maybe once or twice a week. Does anyone have recommendations for drivers who work with elderly clients? My mom is in Reston. Thanks!

https://gogograndparent.com/
MIL used this after she was out of driving for a few months. It's got a surcharge on top of 'Uber' rates, but it's safe and reliable.

Thank you for this link! NP. I have a relative who would love this. He is really with it and on the ball but the swiping feature of most cell phones is really tough for him. He is more than happy to pay the surcharge for the convenience and safety factor. Thank you!!! This makes my day!!!

Anonymous wrote:Google the county/city she lives in and see if they have a government program. Where my mother lives does, private on-demand trips are $6, shared scheduled trips are free.

Sorry missed the Reston part. Start here http://www.reston.org/RESOURCESFORBETTERAGING/tabid/1056/Default.aspx#transportation

Google the county/city she lives in and see if they have a government program. Where my mother lives does, private on-demand trips are $6, shared scheduled trips are free.

Anonymous wrote:My 85-year-old mother doesn't drive and has been relying on my father for transportation to various doctors' appointments, errands, meetings, etc. He is exhausted and desperately in need of a break from driving and she needs more freedom from him. I've tried training her to take Uber or Lyft, but she is unable to operate her cell phone and I'm worried she would get stranded or overwhelmed. I'm looking for an "as needed" driver who could drive her to an appointment, wait for her, and drive her home, maybe once or twice a week. Does anyone have recommendations for drivers who work with elderly clients? My mom is in Reston. Thanks!

https://gogograndparent.com/
MIL used this after she was out of driving for a few months. It's got a surcharge on top of 'Uber' rates, but it's safe and reliable.

My 85-year-old mother doesn't drive and has been relying on my father for transportation to various doctors' appointments, errands, meetings, etc. He is exhausted and desperately in need of a break from driving and she needs more freedom from him. I've tried training her to take Uber or Lyft, but she is unable to operate her cell phone and I'm worried she would get stranded or overwhelmed. I'm looking for an "as needed" driver who could drive her to an appointment, wait for her, and drive her home, maybe once or twice a week. Does anyone have recommendations for drivers who work with elderly clients? My mom is in Reston. Thanks!