Amen... I have recently returned to the classroom after a 20 year period off to be at home with my own children. I have been surprised by three things-1. the decline in coping skills -and by this I mean coping with boredom or frustration. Your child should not need to go to the social worker, bathroom, nurse with some fabricated excuse because we are about to begin an non preferred task such as math or phonics. 2. decline in general knowledge- all of this technology is not increasing general knowledge. Read or discuss the world with your child! 3. having to be the center of attention- yes, your child should be able to sit and listen to a classmate receive attention or or verbal praise without needing to sabotage. It’s been a real eye opener.

Anonymous wrote:Op,

It’s the parents ability to parent that’s changed. The kids’ abilities are unchanged just untapped.

There’s a lot of dumb information and a lot of it about how to parent. Basics are getting buried in the avalanche.

You see this in potty training. Kids used to Ben potty trained shortly before they were 2. Now they are 3 and counting.

[i]

Anonymous wrote:I would love if my kids preschool teacher would actually tell me what their expectations for my kids are outright. I am happy to help them learn (even how to be more independent) but I am not an expert at early childhood development. I know what the pediatrician or my friends have mentioned.

If being gentle isn’t getting the message across, then tell me what you you expect in the classroom so we can model it at home, too.

I have no problem with this post just don’t assume that just because we are parents, we know what we are supposed to know all the time.

These tasks are a part of parenting. This information should not have to come from the teacher- as a parent you can easily look uo what age appropriate tasks are for your child.

Anonymous wrote:My favorite image that helps parents understand this:

Three children are at separate tables trying to build a straight tower of blocks. A judge is outside, but can't see the effort and is told to award the best, straightest tower when he goes in.

One child has a parent helping them create the perfect stack and they are done very quickly and leave.

The second child stacks a few and they fall. Tries again, and they fall, gets pretty close to the top, and they fall. When time's up, the child has a semi-straight stack of about half of the blocks.

The third child builds a bridge, knocks it down; builds a pyramid, knocks it down; builds a semi-circled wall, knocks it down; builds a tower, knocks it down; and when time is up the blocks are scattered across the table.

The children leave. The judge comes in and awards first place to the first child.

What did each child learn?

You win some, you lose some and it's not always fair

Op,

It’s the parents ability to parent that’s changed. The kids’ abilities are unchanged just untapped.

There’s a lot of dumb information and a lot of it about how to parent. Basics are getting buried in the avalanche.

My favorite image that helps parents understand this:

Three children are at separate tables trying to build a straight tower of blocks. A judge is outside, but can't see the effort and is told to award the best, straightest tower when he goes in.

One child has a parent helping them create the perfect stack and they are done very quickly and leave.

The second child stacks a few and they fall. Tries again, and they fall, gets pretty close to the top, and they fall. When time's up, the child has a semi-straight stack of about half of the blocks.

The third child builds a bridge, knocks it down; builds a pyramid, knocks it down; builds a semi-circled wall, knocks it down; builds a tower, knocks it down; and when time is up the blocks are scattered across the table.

The children leave. The judge comes in and awards first place to the first child.

What did each child learn?

Anonymous wrote:New poster- hey op- great post. Very well said.

+1. Great post.

New poster- hey op- great post. Very well said.

Preschool teacher here, I agree 1000% with the OP.
Let your kids try and let them fail. Then have them try again. Repeat.
They are capable. Do not take that pride and independence from them.
I work at a Coop and hear this comment almost daily from parent volunteers: “I just don’t know how you can get Larlo to clean up here, or put his own coat, or wash his hands....(plus many more examples) he never does that at home”
Parents look at me in awe like I am a magician instead of looking at their children in awe and realizing how much they can do.
Preschool teachers are not magical creatures. We just have high expectations and know that preschoolers are capable of lots of things. Give your children the opportunity to impress you. They will!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love if my kids preschool teacher would actually tell me what their expectations for my kids are outright. I am happy to help them learn (even how to be more independent) but I am not an expert at early childhood development. I know what the pediatrician or my friends have mentioned.

If being gentle isn’t getting the message across, then tell me what you you expect in the classroom so we can model it at home, too.

I have no problem with this post just don’t assume that just because we are parents, we know what we are supposed to know all the time.

Just read the op and take it to heart. Zero reason to respond defensively and with excuses. Start now.

Op here—I didn’t take this post as defensive—a good reminder for clear communication.

Previous (previous) poster. It wasn't meant to be defensive just a statement. Like you, we're all just trying our best but we don't know what we don't know. I'm glad you shared what you are seeing and hope you can be as open with the parents you interact with in real life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love if my kids preschool teacher would actually tell me what their expectations for my kids are outright. I am happy to help them learn (even how to be more independent) but I am not an expert at early childhood development. I know what the pediatrician or my friends have mentioned.

If being gentle isn’t getting the message across, then tell me what you you expect in the classroom so we can model it at home, too.

I have no problem with this post just don’t assume that just because we are parents, we know what we are supposed to know all the time.

Just read the op and take it to heart. Zero reason to respond defensively and with excuses. Start now.

Op here—I didn’t take this post as defensive—a good reminder for clear communication.

Anonymous wrote:I would love if my kids preschool teacher would actually tell me what their expectations for my kids are outright. I am happy to help them learn (even how to be more independent) but I am not an expert at early childhood development. I know what the pediatrician or my friends have mentioned.

If being gentle isn’t getting the message across, then tell me what you you expect in the classroom so we can model it at home, too.

I have no problem with this post just don’t assume that just because we are parents, we know what we are supposed to know all the time.

This is an excellent point, thank you. I do send out information about independence at the beginning of the year, and in my brief weekly newsletters I send out reminders about hand washing and blowing noses and practicing at home. If a kid has trouble with hand washing I might chat with a parent at pickup or send a private note home, but It’s becoming more universal than one or two kids. I try not to overwhelm the parents with info, and I also don’t know what gets read and what gets trashed.

And as a parent myself, I’m not claiming to know everything, I am not perfect nor are my children. I have just seen a huge decline since I started (and many teachers say the same). Our parents weren’t early childhood experts either, but we had more responsibilities and expectations than kids these days.

Anonymous wrote:I would love if my kids preschool teacher would actually tell me what their expectations for my kids are outright. I am happy to help them learn (even how to be more independent) but I am not an expert at early childhood development. I know what the pediatrician or my friends have mentioned.

If being gentle isn’t getting the message across, then tell me what you you expect in the classroom so we can model it at home, too.

I have no problem with this post just don’t assume that just because we are parents, we know what we are supposed to know all the time.

Just read the op and take it to heart. Zero reason to respond defensively and with excuses. Start now.

I would love if my kids preschool teacher would actually tell me what their expectations for my kids are outright. I am happy to help them learn (even how to be more independent) but I am not an expert at early childhood development. I know what the pediatrician or my friends have mentioned.

If being gentle isn’t getting the message across, then tell me what you you expect in the classroom so we can model it at home, too.

I have no problem with this post just don’t assume that just because we are parents, we know what we are supposed to know all the time.

I have taught preschool for over 15 years and I’ve seen a decline in my students’ abilities to self-regulate, to use the bathroom independently, and general abilities. Parents, your preschool-aged children are so much more capable than you think! They can throw away their own trash. If they immediately hand it to you, you should direct them to the trash can. They can take their plate/cup/fork to the kitchen when they are done. They can clean up toys. They can wash their hands properly (Is it because of all the purell? Do you not make your kids wash their hands after they use the bathroom? Is it because you always wipe for them that you don’t make them wash hands? That’s another post...). They can learn to put on their own clothes, SHOES, coat, hat, and mittens. Yes it may take them time to learn these things, it won’t be right away, but parents are just doing it for them each and every time, to avoid a conflict or tantrum with their child or to “just go faster” because you’re in a rush. I get it, we are all busy, but rushing your kid or doing things for them to avoid them crying is at a great cost to your child. They lose out on the motor skills practice every time you do it for them, they lose out on the boost of confidence it gives them to accomplish a task and be a part of the family (chore contribution) and—ironically—while you might be trying to avoid a meltdown by putting on his shoes for him before even asking him to try, you’re potentially causing anxiety down the road because he/she won’t be used to having to do hard things and when a teacher or other adult does ask—he/she will crumble easily and will feel like a failure. Have them try everything at least once before you swoop in. Kids are terrified to try these days!

Your child can eat a full snack or a meal while sitting down and not running around. They can eat a meal without watching a screen. They can handle boredom without watching a screen. They can take a regular car ride without watching a screen. They can complete a shopping trip with you without watching a screen. When you hand your child your phone or iPad when they’re upset, you’re taking away their ability to self-regulate. When they get it every time they’re bored, you’re taking away their ability to practice delayed gratification. The immediacy in which their brain is soothed by the screen makes it easy for them and you *in the moment*, but there will be consequences down the road. Think long term, parents. Think about how important it is for children and (later) teens to feel confident about themselves, to feel capable, to calm themselves down when they are upset, to not immediately seek external comfort in snacks or a screen. To not give up when things are hard. To be resilient. Kids these days aren’t as resilient as they used to be and it doesn’t have to be this way. Parents say “we choose our battles” but seemingly the kids are winning everything...you have to battle more often than you want for them to grow. So next time your child refuses to put on his shoes and you want to just do it for them to avoid a meltdown, think twice. Start earlier if you can. Be consistent. Set boundaries. Don’t be so quick to fill their immediate wants. And yes of course I know there are kids with special needs who need different accommodations, I have had many of these students over the years and my own with a diagnosis—this doesn’t mean your child isn’t capable at their own level. Some things may take longer for them to learn if they are capable of it, but you owe it to them to work harder with them.

I’m sure I’ll get flamed from this soapbox, this is DCUM afterall, but I’ve been thinking about writing this for a long time. I can only gently say so much in my parent teacher conferences. I say all this because I love your children. I love my students so much. I’m truly worried about how many of them are being raised. Your kids are capable! These years seem hard, and they are, but the teen years will be so much harder on them and on you if you don’t lay a good foundation for them now. Believe in them and believe in yourself.