I'm with you, op. Both my parents are gone and my dear mil died last Friday. Sadly, the complaining pp's will one day understand how we feel. For now, brace yourself for additional criticism and b!tchiness.

OP, I'm very sorry for your losses and grief, but this is the equivalent of "children are starving in Africa and therefore no one else can complain of anything ever".

Just because family members will die someday doesn't mean we aren't allowed to feel frustration or negative emotions towards them. It's part of normal relationships and the human experience.

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say that I appreciate that you shared this here instead of derailing the venting threads that you find so annoying. I've lost both my parents too, and still miss my mom to a degree that is sometimes crushing. But part of why I miss her is that she loved analyzing and discussing people's motives and foibles. She would probably have posted amusingly petty rants on DCUM herself if she'd lived long enough. I shared this one with her a few months before she died, and she absolutely loved it: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/286398.page

Awww. I would have loved your mom! I hope she's up in heaven having a good chuckle.

Everyone is an asshole in someone else’s view. To the child of abusive parents, you might seem like an asshole for suggesting they should shut up and be grateful for whatever their parents give them if any particular offense didn’t seem sufficiently egregious to meet your standards.

It's not a suffering contest, OP. There are little things that annoy everyone, great tragedies and enormous human suffering in the world. They need not compete with one another.

By your measure, someone might read your post who has lost a young child and think that you have no idea what loss can look like.

I just want to say that I appreciate that you shared this here instead of derailing the venting threads that you find so annoying. I've lost both my parents too, and still miss my mom to a degree that is sometimes crushing. But part of why I miss her is that she loved analyzing and discussing people's motives and foibles. She would probably have posted amusingly petty rants on DCUM herself if she'd lived long enough. I shared this one with her a few months before she died, and she absolutely loved it: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/286398.page

PP, I'm really sorry for your loss. And I completely understand how frustrating it must be to read some of these complaints.

I'm one who had a big attitude adjustment lately following the loss of my FIL and the deteriorating health of my MIL. For all of the 20 years of my marriage, Thanksgiving has been an exhausting ordeal. My ILs were great people, but it was a big job to travel to them, with the food I cooked, packing up a bunch of kids and spending hours sitting in traffic on my rare days off. We had good times, but I was always complaining.

This year, without my FIL and with my MIL in a sad state, I don't have a single complaint. I just appreciate every second of having the family together knowing that we probably won't have many more. I'm also glad that I endured all of the work making those Thanksgiving trips and creating memories for our kids. My eyes have been opened.

Again, I'm am sorry that you have to spend the holidays without your parents. Your gripe is completely understandable.

OP, I understand what you're saying but I think you need to understand not everyone has the same relationship or feelings toward their parents that you do.

I am estranged from my parents and my ILs are dead. Prior to being estranged, my parents did not have good intentions. Not everyone's do. Being around them was painful and toxic. People are allowed to have those feelings as well and furthermore, can and should set boundaries. People like you often can't understand when people have these feelings toward parents or ILs. It's a very taboo topic, but it's not uncommon and it shouldn't have to be taboo on an anonymous message board. I have had so many people make me feel like something is wrong with me for having my feelings. Which I will tell you, that sucks.

So maybe don't comment on every post and realize not everyone gets great parents in life.

Did you never, ever, not once get annoyed at your parents?

Gimme a break.

(Although I admit, I did roll my internal eye at the parents who deposited significant sums in their kids' accounts - without asking permission. The horror!)

OP, just grieve for your parents. Stop lecturing other people for venting about the problem with theirs. You know it's your sadness that is driving you to do that, so embrace the sadness and the loss instead of trying to deflect it with being pissed off.

Yeah, my dad died suddenly when dd was a month old and it makes me sad because they had so much in common. He would have loved knowing her as she grew older.

And if they'd been alive, you would have found ways to occasionally get annoyed at them, too!

Yes, thank you for the reminder that life could be different.

I am sorry for your loss. I am sure this time of year is stressful. For those reasons, I would suggest you limit your time on DCUM. Step away.

People are allowed to vent. It's ok to be aggravated by mom's demands for a list she won't use. (I'm side eyeing the person who keeps getting tens oof thousands of $$ handed to them, but that's another issue). People venting, anonymously, on DCUM don't love their parents any less than you loved your parents. And some people have truly awful parents and ILs, and DCUM is a valuable resource for those people. Respect that not everyone is like you or in your situation. Step away as needed.

People get to be upset at the stresses in their lives, even if these aren't things that would stress you out.

I'm sorry for your loss, OP. I can see how that would be extremely frustrating. Sounds like you had wonderful parents.

who are complaining about their parents and inlaws over nothing. NOTHING. Yes, my and DH's parents are dead and it just kills me to see, on the DCUM front page, complaints from posters because 1) parents deposit money into their bank accounts; 2) parent asks for but doesn't use lists when giving christmas presents; 3) parents want to attend their kids' functions too much -- and it goes on and on and on. I know it's rude and stupid but I want to respond to each and every one of them - Don't you realize how precious this is? Don't you see how how lucky your kids are? Can't you appreciate them for their good intentions even when accompanied by clumsy execution? Don't you know they'll be gone too soon? Can't you, if nothing else, at least appreciate that they put your spouse into the world?

WAAAH! I just to want to have a big cry and I miss my parents so much, especially around the holidays. They would have loved my kids so much if they'd had the chance to meet them. Ok. Rant over. Carry on. Thank you.