My DD recently married and she plans to alternate Christmas - this year will be with ILs. Thanksgiving will only be if we go to her because she lives out of the country and can’t make the trip for thanksgiving. So we expect we will do that the years she doesn’t come for xmas, and when DS gets married that can be the year he goes to her family. I actually care more about July 4th at the beach - that’s our family vacation week and I hope both kids and spouses will continue to come to us to come for that (it’s a place they all love and we pay for travel).

Anonymous wrote:So at what point would you plan a trip to visit the side that did NOT get Xmas?
We stay home for TGiving but plan to alternate Xmas. Should we plan to visit the other side in January or is that 'too soon'
For what its worth MIL is the type that once you do something, it is now a tradition that must continue

At NO point would I be planning to visit the family I didn’t see at Christmas. For the love of Pete, why is it on you to then do the visiting? Are you seriously suggesting that you visit one family during Christmas and then pack your bags a few weeks later to visit the other family? That’s just ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:God, not two of each.

Year One:
Thanksgiving with ILs
Christmas with my family

Year Two:
Switch

Other holidays and birthdays informally switched around/mixed up/skipped as circumstances dictate.

this is us.

I have divorced, non-local parents and local in-laws. I don't commit to a regular schedule. Some years we do Thanksgiving as a nuclear family, some years we go to my in-laws. Sometimes I fly home for Christmas, sometimes we stay here. I tried to make everyone happy for a few years but it wasn't working. We can have a nice dinner in January or whenever.

So at what point would you plan a trip to visit the side that did NOT get Xmas?
We stay home for TGiving but plan to alternate Xmas. Should we plan to visit the other side in January or is that 'too soon'
For what its worth MIL is the type that once you do something, it is now a tradition that must continue

My parents and in-laws are on the opposite coast. We do one trip to the West Coast a year, alternating visiting parents or in-laws. Sometimes this visit will be on a holiday and sometimes in the summer. Just depends.

OP, you’ll be shocked at how much complaining is done about “never visiting” by people who never visit you. (Yet manage to still travel for pleasure.) Let go of the guilt.

Oh hell no to the two Thanksgivings and two Christmases. That is NOT what alternating holidays means.

It can look like this:

Thanksgiving at your ILs, Christmas at your parents odd years
Thanksgiving at your parents, Christmas at ILs even years

OR
ILs visit you for T-giving, Parents visit you for Christmas
Switch the next year

OR
Thanksgiving alone at your house. Switch Christmas each year--one year with ILs, one year with your family

Repeat: You are NOT doing a separate holiday for the parents with whom you do not spend the holiday. That's unnecessary.

Depends on the distance, pregnancy/newborns, and whether your parents are divorced.

Those who alternate Christmas, do you exchange gifts? Do you just mail them? Moving towards this as I get tired of driving five hours south of DC then five hours north of DC back to back.

Depends how far away you are from each other.

We’ve successfully alternated thanksgiving but Christmas is a mess. The side we don’t go to wants us to come for New Year’s Eve (we have a couples party downtown we’d like to attend, not sit in the family room and watch it on tv with in-laws). But if we don’t go they ask nonstop when the kids are coming for their gifts.

This year it’s my family’s side and we’re hosting Christmas. I’ve invited in-laws. They won’t come and will want us to travel. Sigh. I wish they’d come to us just once.

Thanksgiving is usually on our own.

Christmas alternates. One year with my family, the next with IL's.

if we will need to be doing ...

Really think about this. There is a big lesson here you need to learn ~ you do not NEED to do anything in particular. It's your choice. You are an adult. Mommy and Daddy does not get to make the rules. Not anymore. Yes, you want both families, that you love, to feel that they are equally loved. How you do it is your choice. And you should not be swayed by emotional manipulation -- that someone will be more hurt if you don't do it their way. That is no way to decide anything.

God, not two of each.

Year One:
Thanksgiving with ILs
Christmas with my family

Year Two:
Switch

Other holidays and birthdays informally switched around/mixed up/skipped as circumstances dictate.

Do you go to the other side the weekend before/after/within the month or not at all if you are celebrating with one side.

Trying to see if we will need to be doing 2 TGivings, 2 Xmases etc or just do one of each with each side and not try to plan an alternate date to celebrate.