I have 2 girls and I know what you mean-- I wonder what it would be like to have a boy. But as they grow my girls are so different, it doesn't really feel like it matters what gender they are. I'm pretty sure one is gay, so I actually think I may have a son-in-law and a daughter-in-law some day

I also like that they are also kind of best friends. I realize that boy-girl siblings can also be best friends, but I have brothers and sisters and I've always felt closest to the sisters. So I'm hoping that's the case for them.

Hugs to you OP. I have two little girls and they are the best of friends - yes they fight, but their relationship is so special. As the little one gets older, I hope you see how special the sister relationship is and that it is a gift that you have given them a sister in this world.

Anonymous wrote:I am a 54 year old woman and have a WONDERFUL relationship with my mother. Truly wonderful. And with my father, too. My sister, born 22 months after me, has a strained relationship with both of our parents. So you never know.

I will also say that there is this whole #boymom thing going on in social media like raising a BOY is SO DIFFERENT FROM A GIRL. When, in reality, there are more similarities than differences and, like the poster up thread with the teens said, you are raising HUMANS to go out into the world. Wonderful humans, we hope, but again, you'll know once they are launched, in 20 years.

There are mothers who are disappointed when they have 1 of each because they had wonderful relationships with their sisters and wanted that for their daughter. Or who wanted 2 boys because.... or 2 girls because.... or to have a larger or smaller age gap between children because.....

I personally had to grieve even having children - I always saw myself as a mother to two children and that's not what's happening. So, no, I won't say "you are lucky you have 2 girls" - it's just I do know about grieving what you thought you'd always have, hoped you'd have, assumed you'd have..... truly, I do.

Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Don't hate yourself.

yes the #boymom thing is so stupid. It's just women trying to make themselves feel better.

I have 2 girls and a very boyish, sporty boy and there is nothing unique about raising a boy. #humanmom

Hmmmm............ wait until your daughter tells you (at 19) that actually she is a he.

Then talk about feeling badly that you haven't raised a son.

I am a 54 year old woman and have a WONDERFUL relationship with my mother. Truly wonderful. And with my father, too. My sister, born 22 months after me, has a strained relationship with both of our parents. So you never know.

I will also say that there is this whole #boymom thing going on in social media like raising a BOY is SO DIFFERENT FROM A GIRL. When, in reality, there are more similarities than differences and, like the poster up thread with the teens said, you are raising HUMANS to go out into the world. Wonderful humans, we hope, but again, you'll know once they are launched, in 20 years.

There are mothers who are disappointed when they have 1 of each because they had wonderful relationships with their sisters and wanted that for their daughter. Or who wanted 2 boys because.... or 2 girls because.... or to have a larger or smaller age gap between children because.....

I personally had to grieve even having children - I always saw myself as a mother to two children and that's not what's happening. So, no, I won't say "you are lucky you have 2 girls" - it's just I do know about grieving what you thought you'd always have, hoped you'd have, assumed you'd have..... truly, I do.

Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Don't hate yourself.

My teenage son currently hates me. Mental illness is a bitch.

Your daughters will benefit by having a solid role model in their life too.

Your mom’s preference for her son is more about her than you.

I felt that way about having a third boy. Then we had an oops with birth control. When I was pregnant I assumed it was a third boy and started to come around to the idea but it turned out to be a girl. Now our family feels complete.

So you never know.

Have you talked to a professional about your feelings? Therapy might help. Also, if you'd like a son, my 3 y.o is a little nightmare right now and i'd love for someone to take him off my hands! J/k....

I am the youngest of daughters. I know my dad was disappointed he never had a son, and by definition I was his last chance. And you know what? I'm ok with that. I know he adored and loved me, and I also know that he would have been a great father of sons if life had worked out that way. It is, in a way, a shame that he never had that chance. I agree with pp that it's okay that you feel this way - it's all about whether you let it overwhelm you to the point that you don't enjoy and celebrate raising your daughters at the same time. I think we all have things about our lives that we are a little wistful about. What if we had married that old boyfriend, what if we had taken the risk on that job we turned down...what life might have been like. Some of which were up to us and some of which weren't.

Anonymous wrote:I have two boys. I always say myself raising a girl, and I felt like I had no idea how to raise a boy. My husband told me that it was the same way, it would have been the same. And he has been right. I have a teen and a tween, and he has been 100% right.

Sometimes when we have babies and children, it is such a big and emotional thing, that it brings up things that we had kind of forgotten. Things that hadn't been dealt with but just got tucked away in the back corner of our minds come out in a way that we can't stop.

Your issues with your mom are not things that are doomed to be repeated with your daughters. You have to let them be their own people and your relationships with them will be different from the relationship you had and have with your mom, because you will MAKE it different.

Your husband is a great man and you and he are going to raise two wonderful HUMANS and send them out in to the world, just as I am raising two wonderful HUMANS. The boy/girl thing is not so important. We raised our kids to focus on the person and not on their gender and I am proud that my kids have very close friends who are smart and strong and independent and are both girls and boys. They look beyond the gender.

Finally, I think you should consider that this sounds a lot like PPD. Gender disappointment is real, but I think your hormones are making this very hard for you.

^^^^ I posted this. Even if you don't have PPD, please get a therapist. It sounds like the pain of how your relationship is with your mom is causing a lot of these feelings.

I'm going to tell you that it's okay that you feel this way. To get over these feelings you can't just repress them, you have to work through them. I have the complete opposite scenario in that I have a girl and then a boy. I struggled greatly with not wanting a son and how to raise a son in this world. I didn't know anything about sons. I went on antidepressants (Wellbutrin) when he was about 9 months old and the last few months have been so much better. Once I started the antidepressants, I felt like my mind was able to clear itself easier. I didn't have this endless stream of anxiety. My youngest is 15 months now and I can see that it was mostly hormonal the way I was feeling. I loved my oldest so much that I wanted a carbon copy of her, but #2 is his own person and completely different. Your daughters will be completely different than how you were as a daughter. You're not replicating your natal family's situation in your own family.

Be kind to yourself. We're all imperfect. Don't ever tell your daughter you wished she was a boy. My parents had 2 girls and it would have hurt to think my parents wanted a son.

One is that my husband is truly the best man that I know and I am very sad that we won't get a chance to raise another man like him in a world that (imo) desperately needs one. This is the part I think I'm going to get eviscerated for, but I almost feel guilty that I am going to put two more smart, deserving women into the world without 'balancing' them with a good man.

The second is that I have a really strained relationship with my mom, whereas my brother does not. Things between my brother and my mom seem simple; but with me it was always so difficult. We really drifted apart in my teen years and never got close again. I have this feeling in me that my daughters are also going to grow up to resent or dislike me. Like women think that "turning into their mothers" is the worst thing in the world that could happen to them - my daughters will feel that way about me and it breaks my heart. I feel like a son would still love me even when he grows up.

I don't know how to get over either of these issues. I am SO fortunate, and I love my daughters SO MUCH, but this is a constant nagging feeling in me that is preventing me from being fully present and grateful.

Before you write a nasty reply, pleas know that I already hate myself for feeling this way, and I am crying as I am writing this, so you will not be telling me anything I don't already know.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? Has anything helped?

The only thing you can control is your behavior and reaction to these feelings now and going forward. The bolded is the issue. You are assuming that your daughters will have a strained relationship with you and if you had a son, you wouldnt need to worry about that. You are in self-fulfilling prophecy territory especially if you continue to harbor "resentment/sadness" about not having a boy.

In addition, you are 6 months post. Any other anxieties or anger/resentment coming out?
There are plenty of men who have messed up relationships with their moms. Youre romanticizing about having a boy because it is easy to do so with someone/something that doesnt exist.

I think a little humility is in order. As parents, we do all we can to raise honorable people who are decent and kind and will be a force for good in the world, but we are raising individuals who forge their own way in life. Recognizing that there is no guarantee your hypothetical son would end up just like your husband is one thing that could help. Life isn't a linear line. I understand what you are saying but please get that first mindset out of your head and recognize that there are people out there who make bad choices and it's not the fault of their parents. And there are people who turn out to be wonderful citizens and make positive change, despite their parents.

Similarly, whether a person grows up to be close to a parent is totally dependent on the individual and that particular relationship. There is no reason to think that you will have a strained relationship as an adult with your daughters, just because you have one with your mom! You are not your mom.

I have two boys. I always say myself raising a girl, and I felt like I had no idea how to raise a boy. My husband told me that it was the same way, it would have been the same. And he has been right. I have a teen and a tween, and he has been 100% right.

Sometimes when we have babies and children, it is such a big and emotional thing, that it brings up things that we had kind of forgotten. Things that hadn't been dealt with but just got tucked away in the back corner of our minds come out in a way that we can't stop.

Your issues with your mom are not things that are doomed to be repeated with your daughters. You have to let them be their own people and your relationships with them will be different from the relationship you had and have with your mom, because you will MAKE it different.

Your husband is a great man and you and he are going to raise two wonderful HUMANS and send them out in to the world, just as I am raising two wonderful HUMANS. The boy/girl thing is not so important. We raised our kids to focus on the person and not on their gender and I am proud that my kids have very close friends who are smart and strong and independent and are both girls and boys. They look beyond the gender.

Finally, I think you should consider that this sounds a lot like PPD. Gender disappointment is real, but I think your hormones are making this very hard for you.

I have a feeling I'm going to get eviscerated by comments on this, but maybe there will be some helpful replies so I'm giving this a shot. I'm too ashamed to bring this up anywhere IRL.

I have two beautiful daughters who I love so much. One is 3, and one is 6 months. I put "disappointment" in quotes because I don't feel disappointed that my second is a girl, at all. But I AM struggling with feeling deep, profound sadness that I will never raise a son. I thought it would go away when she was born, but instead it transferred itself into angst about whether or not to try for a third.

We are NOT going to have a third. It is not right for us. I know that I don't truly want a third, because if you told me that my third was guaranteed to be another girl I would say HELL NO. It's only the chance to have a son that interests me, and that's not a good or "real" reason to have a third kid. So I need to figure out how to get over this and be grateful for the amazing blessing that I have with my two girls.

I think this is rooted in two things.

One is that my husband is truly the best man that I know and I am very sad that we won't get a chance to raise another man like him in a world that (imo) desperately needs one. This is the part I think I'm going to get eviscerated for, but I almost feel guilty that I am going to put two more smart, deserving women into the world without 'balancing' them with a good man.

The second is that I have a really strained relationship with my mom, whereas my brother does not. Things between my brother and my mom seem simple; but with me it was always so difficult. We really drifted apart in my teen years and never got close again. I have this feeling in me that my daughters are also going to grow up to resent or dislike me. Like women think that "turning into their mothers" is the worst thing in the world that could happen to them - my daughters will feel that way about me and it breaks my heart. I feel like a son would still love me even when he grows up.

I don't know how to get over either of these issues. I am SO fortunate, and I love my daughters SO MUCH, but this is a constant nagging feeling in me that is preventing me from being fully present and grateful.

Before you write a nasty reply, pleas know that I already hate myself for feeling this way, and I am crying as I am writing this, so you will not be telling me anything I don't already know.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? Has anything helped?