Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? Could they go to aftercare and do homework there to give you more time?

I would definitely hire out cleaning and maybe laundry and yard. Also I would maybe drop either sports or music.

I would leave your husband alone about his puttering. My DH is a night owl and just needs less sleep than I do.

Aftercare was my first thought as well. Working those early am hours would kill me. My DD really loved extended day, so much so that when I tried to pick her up before 5:30 when she was younger, she was very irritated with me. She'd get her homework done there. I did one of those meal prep places a lot when she was younger so I had dinner all prepped when we got home and just needed to cook it. (Let's Dish is no more or I'd still be doign that.). Now I try to cook a couple of big meals on the weekends and freeze them so there's less work to do during the week. Dry cleaning gets picked up and delivered to the house. Cleaners come every other week. I'm trying now to outsource laundry and yard work.

How old are the kids? Could they go to aftercare and do homework there to give you more time?

I would definitely hire out cleaning and maybe laundry and yard. Also I would maybe drop either sports or music.

I would leave your husband alone about his puttering. My DH is a night owl and just needs less sleep than I do.

Your schedule looks very similar to mine except that I spend maybe 15 minutes in the PM on work emails and my DH works longer and later hours (basically 9:30 am-7:30 pm, home after 8). I don't actually find it that awful, especially on no-sport nights. My kids are 12 and 10. What is it that's bothering you so much? No downtime in the PMs? What keeps me sane is WAH one day a week.

WFH days have saved us. If possible if each of you could do one day a week, it's a gamechanger. Most companies are open to this - so long as you don't want to go 100% remote (companies are cutting down on that but the 1-2 day WFH option seems to be the norm now). Just cutting down commute and energy dealing with work clothes, etc is huge, and allows me to a load of laundry in and out etc. and I do a yoga class at lunch sometimes.

DH typically takes 1-2 days a month to WFH, but I generally do it 3 days a week (that said I have a longer commute than you so for me REALLY makes a difference. My normal commute is 60 minutes each way).

This looks like a perfectly normal schedule for two full-time jobs and 2 kids. And it's exhausting. I've come to the conclusion that there isn't a RIGHT way to do it. It's going to be a crunch still no matter how you tweak it.

Anonymous wrote:Looks like a reasonably normal schedule to me. Ours works out the same way except that we have one kid and neither of us need to do work from home. My 9-10 PM is my down time. And we don't go to Church so Sundays are all ours. Mind you we have a kid based activity in the AM.

Ah one kid, that would be nice. Ours are fighting half the time.

Age 12 & 7. Getting independent and do their own laundry, but some learning challenges do homework and school need one on one.

Anonymous wrote:Outsource cleaning and laundry at the minimum.

Everything else seems pretty typical working family household.

I have 3 kids and now stay home. I burned out but many others continue to chug along. I just dropped off my youngest at preschool and I get a 3 hr break.

So did you move somewhere cheaper? DH keeps talking about moving to an exurb, where he would have long commute but I would SAH. I’m skeptical b/c that’s a huge drop in college and retirement savings, and with his health I’m not convinced he is built to be a breadwinner. I have no desire to be sole breadwinner and him be SAHD, and he says he expects it would be very isolating anyways.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have to drop the kids off at school? Are there not buses? Walking distance?

If anything, I think you and your DH should coordinate your schedules so that you're both getting home early enough to eat dinner together as a family. What about beforecare for the kids so that your dh can get to work earlier than 9:15?

Buses have lots of issues, can’t go solo b/c it’s on a major road (6 car accident 100 ft from bus stop just last week) and waiting for the buses would actually be later than dropping off. Not walking distance.

We looked into before care, but it had a structural problem for us, we would rather find a morning nanny but it’s been an impossible job to find someone for, most people are heading to their day jobs. And around us all the SAHM (I would never ask, but this is the kind of small job some did where I grew up) are very wealthy so none are looking for an AM babysitting gig.

Outsource cleaning and laundry at the minimum.

Everything else seems pretty typical working family household.

I have 3 kids and now stay home. I burned out but many others continue to chug along. I just dropped off my youngest at preschool and I get a 3 hr break.

DH may really need that puttering time if he's exercising in the evening. For most people, exercise winds them up, so he may not be able to fall asleep if he goes to bed directly afterward.

Presumably he can't go to the gym in the AM since you have to leave so early, so you may need to just accept that he needs time to wind down after his gym session. Unless maybe he could get a treadmill or something and exercise at home before the kids get up?

How old are your kids?

My advice - outsource a few things. Cleaning, grocery delivery, etc. If you can afford to get a few of these things off your plate, your weekends will feel more relaxed. Your week days will continue to be busy, but until the kids are older and more able to help with things, that's just the season of life. Outsource the things that are taking over your weekends to get that time back!

Why do you have to drop the kids off at school? Are there not buses? Walking distance?

If anything, I think you and your DH should coordinate your schedules so that you're both getting home early enough to eat dinner together as a family. What about beforecare for the kids so that your dh can get to work earlier than 9:15?

Looks like a reasonably normal schedule to me. Ours works out the same way except that we have one kid and neither of us need to do work from home. My 9-10 PM is my down time. And we don't go to Church so Sundays are all ours. Mind you we have a kid based activity in the AM.

We feel dogged all the time, DCUM please fix my life!

DW Schedeule
05:30 - 06:00 Commute
06:00 - 15:30 Work (30 min lunch workout)
15:30 - 16:00 Commute
16:00 - 16:30 2 school pickup
16:30 - 17:00 cook dinner
17:00 - 18:00 eat dinner cleanup lunches
18:00 - 19:00 one kids rec sport or music lesson, downtime for other kid (3 nites week)
19:00 - 20:00 homework and lite chores for next day
20:00 - 21:00 bedtime routine, talk with kids about day, clean dishes
21:00-22:00 check work email and ready for next day since left early and may need put out fires

DH schedule
07:00 - 08:00 wake kids, make breakfast, check bags maybe finish lunches
08:00-08:30 2 school drop off
08:30 - 09:15 commute
09:15 - 17:45 Work
17:45 - 18:30 Commute
18:30 - 19:00 Dinner solo
19:00 - 20:00 homework and lite chores for next day
20:00 - 21:00 bedtime routine, talk with kids about day, clean dishes, pay bills, other home urgent tasks
21:00 - 22:00 Gym (doctor mandated)
22:00 - 23:00 shower & dad putter (this drives me nuts, should go right to bed)

Weekends are usually loads of laundry, cleaning bathrooms, kitchen, bedrooms, one or two red sports, maybe a fun afternoon outing Saturday, and then Church most of Sunday, and quiet Sunday afternoons running errand and grocery shopping.

How do other working families does this? We have pretty standard 40-hr week jobs, except mine is the bigger job (hence 5 hrs of nightly WAH, but I make much more than DH). We have both looked into going part time or getting closer jobs but nothing has worked out. Our jobs are in neighborhoods with very bad school so moving closer is off table.

Everyday seems like a marathon while juggling, and many mornings something gets dropped (oh you needed to get to school early for a field trip, oh you forgot you lunch at school well buy it) and it’s sour feelings all around.

We consider dropping rec sports, but we have an unusable hilly backyard and no kids in our neighborhood — so that sport is majority of our kids socializing and outdoor exercise, so reactant you’re drop.

Other things folks do to make this work? We would love like an au pair but no extra bedroom and not enough money for nanny, no luck finding someone for doing drop off or pickup hours.