I would be trying to keep your daughter occupied separately from the older child. Be attentive to her. Let her be your helper if it looks like she needs an out. Is there anything that would bring the boys and girls together...and outdoor game? Would it be odd to invite an additional family with a child your daughter will play well with to change the dynamic? I have a feeling this will dissipate over time...and also as the kids get older your socializing will be more parents oriented. I don't think you can exclude the family from the group of 4.

You really can't exclude the one friend. That's mean girl behavior.

Keep your daughter away from her.

It happens. Maybe the older kid is just a mean kid. Talking to the Mom will get you nowhere. Is there a way to keep them apart at the family get togethers? Other kid more your DD's age?

I agree to invite them but encourage the kids to play separately. She’s 8; she’s learning. You do sound like you were obnoxious to a kid , depending on what you said and how. Hopefully you conveyed your thoughts in a way meant to teach the girl, not berate her.

Anonymous wrote:There are five kids total and two don't get along. The two that don't get along are not appropriate ages (4 and 8) to play together. Accept that. Don't blame either kid. An 8 year old is going to get frustrated and bored playing with a 4 year old and you are putting her in a quasi-babysitting role there. Not fair or appropriate.

Find an activity for all the kids (don't do this boys/girls separation) like going to the park or pool. Also, don't expect to sit with your mom friend and chat and drink wine with 5 kids on the premises.

This is not meanness. And the fact that you don't like an 8 year old girl really says something about YOU, not her.

This. try and find something for them to do that doesnt involve them being together.

There are five kids total and two don't get along. The two that don't get along are not appropriate ages (4 and 8) to play together. Accept that. Don't blame either kid. An 8 year old is going to get frustrated and bored playing with a 4 year old and you are putting her in a quasi-babysitting role there. Not fair or appropriate.

Find an activity for all the kids (don't do this boys/girls separation) like going to the park or pool. Also, don't expect to sit with your mom friend and chat and drink wine with 5 kids on the premises.

This is not meanness. And the fact that you don't like an 8 year old girl really says something about YOU, not her.

I disagree that OP is being dramatic. Sounds like it's been going on for a while and that was just one example.

OP, are you close enough friends with your friend to be able to invite them over and say, "yes, let's just monitor (my child) and (your child), because the age difference makes it tough on both of them."

Then get your 4 year old and "inoculate" her to the 8 year old, by explaining the dynamic and having her stay a little bit away.

If that isn't going to work, host a gathering with one of the other families only, then another of the other families only, etc. Don't do a gathering with all the families BUT NOT the family of the 8 year old. That is just asking for a lot of drama that you will end up regretting.

Sooooo, the girl is 8 and yours is 5? That’s a huge age difference to have them play together. Sounds like it was one incident and you are being overly dramatic about it. Yes, let it go. You even said you didn’t like the girl even before she was mean. Look within yourself to wonder why you are so negative and childish towards an 8 year old

Anonymous wrote:Kids 4 and 8 are not friends. You and mom are friends and forcing kids to be friends. Stop the relationship.

We became friends because of our older kids. Our boys get along well.

There are other girls in the friend circle. They are nice to my daughter.

Relationships changing as kids get older.

Kids 4 and 8 are not friends. You and mom are friends and forcing kids to be friends. Stop the relationship.

Anonymous wrote:Hang out with mom separately.

There are a group of 4 families who often hang out. I want to invite the other families. I feel I have to explain the situation if I don’t invite them and it will cause drama.

Hang out with mom separately.

Anonymous wrote:Ages of the girls?

4 and 8

We also have other kids ages 6,8,9 who are boys. The boys all get along well.

Ages of the girls?

I have a friend whose daughter is older than my daughter. When we get together, she excludes and makes fun of my daughter. It has gotten to a point where I prefer not to see them. I have come to dislike the daughter over the years, even before she started being mean to my daughter. At one incident where my daughter was crying, I said that we were leaving and told the girl what she was doing was not nice as we were leaving. When the mom came, her daughter started crying and became the victim. My friend acted like I somehow overreacted and scolded her child, which I really didn’t.

We have a lot of friends in common. I want to host some gatherings but won’t want to invite them. DH thinks they are our good friends and we shouldn’t exclude them.

I’m still bothered by the way the friend handled the situation. This has bothered me for a long time. I certainly don’t plan on inviting them to my children’s birthday parties.

Do I just let it go and keep hanging out with them?