I also used the cheating to get a custody agreement that I thought was in the best interests of my children, which is not the 50/50 that he was likely to get if he went to court.

He had no interest in going to court and potentially having to publicly litigate why it wasn't in the children's best interest for him to have 50% custody.

The value of infidelity lies not just in what legal impact the court says it has, but in how it plays out in your settlement negotiations. Note, the leverage infidelity provides in a settlement negotiation varies highly by the specific facts behind the infidelity.

Judges dont care. At all. I'm in Virginia. The only difference is that if you file as an "at fault" you dont have to wait 12 months to divorce. That's it.
In my case, I used the fact that my ex cheated with his secretary to tip the settlement in my favor. I never had to explicitly threaten to turn him in to his HR department, but he was terrified I would. I got him to pay "advance closing costs" on the eventual sale of the house, which I kept. Also got him to pay me the cash value of 50% of his accrued annual and sick leave.

Anonymous wrote:Would lack of sex, intimacy, or proper hygiene affect your divorce settlement? Move on.

Exactly! If a sexless marriage does not win me more divorce $$$ then neither should cheating. The courts are (finally) out of the marital bedroom, where they never belonged in the first place.

Anonymous wrote:Well, straight infidelity did not affect it. But the incredible behavior of my ex, overall, did affect it. I have indefinite alimony.

But this is unusual. My ex is a sociopath, and we had a six-month child custody evaluation that finally shed light on him. The judge couldn't do the most important thing for me: sole physical custody. But he punished my ex financially in every way he could.

Judges are people at the end of the day. You see it in this political climate.

My ex didn't cheat, but I was a SAHM without a career. We kept moving because of him, and our attorney put in alimony for 5 years which the judge agreed. We did have an amiable divorce though. My friend got alimony for life a few years back because she was a SAHM and she was on a disability at the time. My divorce lawyer did tell me, "you never know exactly what will happen when you go before a judge". That is very true.

Didn’t...

He had to move out during divorce proceedings.

The only thing cheating does is allow you to file quicker, instead of waiting 1 year. At least in my state anyway.

Didn’t factor in at all. My lawyer said it only matters if cheating was a clause in a prenup.

Also didn’t factor in for custody.

You don’t get alimony because he cheated. That’s not how it works.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, straight infidelity did not affect it. But the incredible behavior of my ex, overall, did affect it. I have indefinite alimony.

But this is unusual. My ex is a sociopath, and we had a six-month child custody evaluation that finally shed light on him. The judge couldn't do the most important thing for me: sole physical custody. But he punished my ex financially in every way he could.

I call BS.

Judges don't "punish" people in civil divorce cases. They make decisions based on precedent, using defined formulas for compensation, and they above all don't make their rulings personal.

You're full of crap.

She probably made up all kids of lies and charmed or paid extra to the evaluator so the judge gave her full custody and a large sum in child support.

Anonymous wrote:Well, straight infidelity did not affect it. But the incredible behavior of my ex, overall, did affect it. I have indefinite alimony.

But this is unusual. My ex is a sociopath, and we had a six-month child custody evaluation that finally shed light on him. The judge couldn't do the most important thing for me: sole physical custody. But he punished my ex financially in every way he could.

I call BS.

Judges don't "punish" people in civil divorce cases. They make decisions based on precedent, using defined formulas for compensation, and they above all don't make their rulings personal.

You're full of crap.

Well, straight infidelity did not affect it. But the incredible behavior of my ex, overall, did affect it. I have indefinite alimony.

But this is unusual. My ex is a sociopath, and we had a six-month child custody evaluation that finally shed light on him. The judge couldn't do the most important thing for me: sole physical custody. But he punished my ex financially in every way he could.

Would lack of sex, intimacy, or proper hygiene affect your divorce settlement? Move on.

Anonymous wrote:If you divorced because of cheating, how did it effect your divorce settlement?

It didn't... judges don't care about cheating.

I brought a ton of evidence to my lawyer, right down to photos a PI had taken & he told me to save it, judges don't care about infidelity or who cheated on who.

Now, this may be determined depending on which state you're in, but I've heard it more than a few times from others to.

If you divorced because of cheating, how did it effect your divorce settlement?