Best surprise of our lives. Now 20, 18, 8.

Anonymous wrote:My friends have a 4 year old and a high school sophomore and senior - so whatever that age gap is. All boys. Parents were early to mid-40s when the youngest was born. The older boys love their little brother so much - it’s a really nice dynamic.

OP here--that's so sweet. I think we would have that same dynamic but there are so many reasons NOT to do it. Namely money and a small house!

Anonymous wrote:People will assume that the older child is a half sibling.

So?

People will assume that the older child is a half sibling.

My friends have a 4 year old and a high school sophomore and senior - so whatever that age gap is. All boys. Parents were early to mid-40s when the youngest was born. The older boys love their little brother so much - it’s a really nice dynamic.

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I'm 11 years younger than my closest sibling.

We had separate childhoods, but became more like friends/equals once I graduated from college.

+1. We have a 12 year gap between oldest and youngest. My little sister was a kid when I left for college, and it wasn’t until we were much older that we had a peer relationship.

Anonymous wrote:I have friends that have that sort of age gap between their two. Wasn't the plan, but that's how it worked out. The older one is in middle school, and the younger is almost 2. They seem to be really enjoying it this time around. The older one is a huge help, so they have 3 hands instead of 2 to wrangle her.

That's what I hated about the ten year age gap between me and my sister. I was basically a backup parent. I loved her dearly and was extremely excited when she was born. Unfortunately, I went to college when she was 7, and she doesn't really remember me being around. I came back from grad school around 11th grade, but I'd missed too much time to really have a close relationship with her. We loved each other, but I was only home during breaks, so I can't blame her for not feeling like she had much of a bond with me. She's wrapping up her 20s and I'm pushing 40. She still sees me as an authority figure more than as a sibling. I never figured out how to change that. I'm not judgmental nor do I ever express any negative opinions. I guess it's just the age divide.

My BIL is 11 years younger than my H. I met my H in college, when BIL was around 7-8. And they have always been close. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that their parents, even though divorced, encouraged communication and relationships even after my H left for college. There were always calls, emails, visits on a regular basis. I remember my MIL would come to town for a conference and bring BIL, and he would stay with us when he was around 9-10. We would have such a good time! Even today, my H is in his mid-40s and BIL is mid-30s, they still text daily and play computer games together online. The added bonus was when we had a baby, I had no experience with babies, but my H jumped right in because he took care of BIL when he was a baby.

As a parent in this situation, I would just encourage the relationship because it's probably easy to have the two kids not have a lot in common and go separate ways...like I said, my ILs really went out of their way to make sure the brothers talked and spent time together.

I have friends that have that sort of age gap between their two. Wasn't the plan, but that's how it worked out. The older one is in middle school, and the younger is almost 2. They seem to be really enjoying it this time around. The older one is a huge help, so they have 3 hands instead of 2 to wrangle her.

FWIW, I'm 11 years younger than my closest sibling.

We had separate childhoods, but became more like friends/equals once I graduated from college.

It was great. So much more patience for the second two (sorry first two!).

If you had kids, thought you were done, and then had one more waaay later (same mom and dad) what was it like? Other than presumably being far older and tireder the second time around...