Anonymous wrote:

The example from the original poster is not typical cheating. This is an extreme example of people who are idiots who cheated in the wrong place. Don’t cheat around your kids. Vast majority of people married or divorced or single or cheating—your sex life has nothing to do with your children. It only affects children if people make decisions that are vastly stupid like the original poster’s example.

If cheating happens to cause a divorce chances are the divorce would’ve happened anyway and it’s not the cheating that causes the problems it’s the way the parents handle the divorce. In any divorce regardless of cheating some parents handle it well and some parents cause a ton of drama and go after the other parent and make it public and that’s what causes problems—not cheating.

Divorce is not the end of the world for kids but if parents choose to make it the end of the world because they are bitter because a spouse cheated and they got caught then that’s on them for screwing up their kids not on the cheating itself.

This can't possibly have been written by an adult. If the marriage ends due to cheating, it ALWAYS affects the kids. They have learned that the parent lies and isn't trustworthy, betrayed their other parent (the other most important person in the kids' lives) and completely destroyed not only the betrayed spouse but the kids as well. Many, many children in a marriage broken due to cheating never have a healthy relationship again with the cheating parent, whether or not it happens like in the OP's story or with someone the kid never knew. Your shortsightedness is stunning, but typical of a cheater. You have to construct a world view that justifies your cheating.

I am an adult. Married 10 years. Not cheating. I do not believe cheating or not has anything to do with kids. Sorry, i don’t. Cheating is usually a symptom of a marriage that should not be. People are idiots if the cheat and get caught. But they should divorce first before the marriage is so bad they need to cheat to feel something. However, if cheating is caught, and parents divorce, the kids or anyone should not know. People should not air their dirty laundry in public. That is what is damaging...how a divorce is handled. The actual cheating or any reason for a marriage ending has nothing to do with kids.

Anonymous wrote:They never think they will get caught, that’s why.

That and the excitement of a new sexual partner. We all have temptations in life for all types of bad behavior but you need to set a good example.

Truth is they believe their needs come before their kids.

Most resent their kids because their spouse put the kids first.

It’s not normal but cheaters live in a world view that is not normal.

They never think they will get caught, that’s why.

The same way people lie, commit fraud, steal etc. They find a way to rationalize and justify their actions. Their focus is a selfish one - of getting what they want - they really aren't worried about other people. There are a lot of people in the world who care more about their own needs than their kids wellbeing.

You have to construct a world view that justifies your cheating.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

THIS, a thousand times

The example from the original poster is not typical cheating. This is an extreme example of people who are idiots who cheated in the wrong place. Don’t cheat around your kids. Vast majority of people married or divorced or single or cheating—your sex life has nothing to do with your children. It only affects children if people make decisions that are vastly stupid like the original poster’s example.

If cheating happens to cause a divorce chances are the divorce would’ve happened anyway and it’s not the cheating that causes the problems it’s the way the parents handle the divorce. In any divorce regardless of cheating some parents handle it well and some parents cause a ton of drama and go after the other parent and make it public and that’s what causes problems—not cheating.

Divorce is not the end of the world for kids but if parents choose to make it the end of the world because they are bitter because a spouse cheated and they got caught then that’s on them for screwing up their kids not on the cheating itself.

This can't possibly have been written by an adult. If the marriage ends due to cheating, it ALWAYS affects the kids. They have learned that the parent lies and isn't trustworthy, betrayed their other parent (the other most important person in the kids' lives) and completely destroyed not only the betrayed spouse but the kids as well. Many, many children in a marriage broken due to cheating never have a healthy relationship again with the cheating parent, whether or not it happens like in the OP's story or with someone the kid never knew. Your shortsightedness is stunning, but typical of a cheater. You have to construct a world view that justifies your cheating.

Anonymous wrote:You won't believe me and that's ok, but divorce is the easy way out. My spouse isn't interested in sex and I am not interested in splitting up my kids on a custody schedule.

I completely disagree. Staying is the easy way out. Divorce requires that both parties reinvent themselves and work it out to be amicable in front of the kidsI’ll be amicable in front of the kids. Divorce is much harder and requires much more strength. I believe people who stay with cheaters or who are cheaters are just cowards too afraid to get a divorce.

The example from the original poster is not typical cheating. This is an extreme example of people who are idiots who cheated in the wrong place. Don’t cheat around your kids. Vast majority of people married or divorced or single or cheating—your sex life has nothing to do with your children. It only affects children if people make decisions that are vastly stupid like the original poster’s example.

If cheating happens to cause a divorce chances are the divorce would’ve happened anyway and it’s not the cheating that causes the problems it’s the way the parents handle the divorce. In any divorce regardless of cheating some parents handle it well and some parents cause a ton of drama and go after the other parent and make it public and that’s what causes problems—not cheating.

Divorce is not the end of the world for kids but if parents choose to make it the end of the world because they are bitter because a spouse cheated and they got caught then that’s on them for screwing up their kids not on the cheating itself.

As my DH is fond of saying ...don't Sh$t were you eat.

We both cheat yet it doesn't cross over into our children lives.

How can you engage in any marriage-destroying behavior and not think about how it will affect your kids?

You won't believe me and that's ok, but divorce is the easy way out. My spouse isn't interested in sex and I am not interested in splitting up my kids on a custody schedule.

I think if you're at the point of cheating, you're completely blinded by the desire and forget about everything else. Or you've convinced yourself no one will find out. I think the number of people who cheat who are thinking about anything other than their horniness is pretty small.

Agreed. My husband cheated with a neighbor, and we live in a tight community. All our kids play together, and it's totally changed the dynamic of the neighborhood relationships and interactions. My kids want to play with her kids and don't really understand why we don't let them go to their house anymore. We will probably divorce.

Two teachers at our children's school had an affair and were both fired. His wife pulled their kids from the school (private) because she didn't want them to be gossiped about for the rest of their time there. They are in different grades but some had been there for 10 years. The kids are destroyed. I truly don't understand how someone could cheat and not even remotely consider how it will affect their kids (grant it, cheating with someone at the school where you work and your kids attend is one of the dumber things you could do, but all affairs have the potential to be exposed and your kids could be ruined by your affair even if they weren't pulled out of school). What on earth did your kids do to deserve that?