Anonymous wrote:One of my DD's got a school award for being an Outstanding student. My younger one did not receive any award. DD is pointing it out and bragging. What in the world should I be teaching them? How do I reward one but not make the other feel bad? What should I be teaching them in this situation? I know it's a teachable moment but not sure how to handle it. TIA.

dp has your younger child ever bragged? Is this a way of older sib getting back? If not, than I would talk to bragging sib and ask her how she would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Is there something she isn't good at that the younger one is? If the younger one does not brag perhaps how would she like it if the younger one did.

Tell her her peers do not like people who brag.

Anonymous wrote:Resilience for the younger, and empathy and modesty for the older.

This.

I would add that the older one should be proud of herself, but openly practice empathy and modesty.

PP here - we also talk a lot about how sometimes it is you that win, and sometimes it is your brother. We practice how to act in both cases. i also emphasize that it is OK to be proud and happy when you are the winner! that is normal and Ok! But it isn't ok to be a 'bad winner'.

I think the conversation is about how to win and how to lose. You can use sports examples or books or even modeling situations and asking the kids to pick which example is better - the one where you gloat and brag about winning, or the one where you are happy and proud of yourself but you don't make others feel badly. I have 3 boys close in age, and we talk about this all the time because they are in competition with each other in just about everything. When we watch anything - movies, sports - or read about any sort of competition, we talk about it.

How old? That would impact how strongly I reacted. Also, how long has it been since the award? Is younger child noticing and upset, or oblivious?

Anonymous wrote:One of my DD's got a school award for being an Outstanding student. My younger one did not receive any award. DD is pointing it out and bragging. What in the world should I be teaching them? How do I reward one but not make the other feel bad? What should I be teaching them in this situation? I know it's a teachable moment but not sure how to handle it. TIA.

Teach your older child how not to be obnoxious about success. Teach her to be gracious and kind. Teach the younger one to not give her older sister the reaction that she is seeking when she brags.

You might have been an outstanding student last month/week, but you're sure not being kind to brag about it. I wonder if you can change to be kinder ...?

Anonymous wrote:One of my DD's got a school award for being an Outstanding student. My younger one did not receive any award. DD is pointing it out and bragging. What in the world should I be teaching them? How do I reward one but not make the other feel bad? What should I be teaching them in this situation? I know it's a teachable moment but not sure how to handle it. TIA.

Praise the older one when you're alone with her at bed time.

At some point, I'd make her understand that bragging isn't kind, and that kindness is more important than being smart or winning awards.

Resilience for the younger, and empathy and modesty for the older.

One of my DD's got a school award for being an Outstanding student. My younger one did not receive any award. DD is pointing it out and bragging. What in the world should I be teaching them? How do I reward one but not make the other feel bad? What should I be teaching them in this situation? I know it's a teachable moment but not sure how to handle it. TIA.