The title of this should be, "How to get your husband to understand it is unfair and corrosive to check out of household labor."

Therapy, OP. My DH pulled this crap for 6 years, and it ruined our relationship. Oddly he decided to become much more hands-on suddenly, but the damage is done. You can't have a healthy relationship with someone who doesn't care about you carrying the whole burden. Unless you tell me that he's a superstar in other ways (as in - he handles all drop-offs, dinner, and groceries) he has to change, or you will divorce.

Anonymous wrote:Why aren't you capable of getting two kids to bed? 12 yr old babysitters can do this routine.

I COULD be a single mom pp, but I prefer to do it with my competent contributing husband. Why aren't you capable of holding men to the same standard you hold women?

- not op

I would have plans during bedtime a whole bunch in the next month and force him to step up and do it a lot.

But agree with other pps. This is the type of thing you should be able to talk about, redistribute assignments on and move on with your life.

Why aren't you capable of getting two kids to bed? 12 yr old babysitters can do this routine.

DH does baths here, freeing me up to make lunches/wash dishes and then I jump in and we split up the reading books. Splitting up the bedtime routine when he's home has been really nice, otherwise maybe alternate nights.

Just leave the house and let him put the kids to bed.

or stay home and don't put them to bed and let them get all worked up and cranky until he eventually sees, maybe they need to be put to bed.

What do you mean by “he just can’t do it”? What happens at bedtime if you say, “time for bed, DH, why don’t you take Sam and I’ll take joe.”

If you haven't tried the following, here is my suggestion.
- talk about the routine, why it works, and how it doesn't
- if it doesn't work in spots brainstorm together
- let DH take ownership of some of the process - maybe he puts one of the kids together by himself? Or both?
- maybe DH can develop a special routine with the kids that is just his? Like a special book/song/way of brushing teeth?

Not saying this is you, but sometimes the mom can be so capable of taking care of the kids that whatever dad does is "wrong." On occasion, I can be accused of this, I know many of my friends would admit to this, too. So sometimes the dad just doesn't help because he can't get it right, so why bother?

No sex unless he puts the kids down for bed. You go and have sexy time by yourself while he’s getting them ready.

I'm so tired of hearing rants about things that you should be able to talk to your spouse about. Seriously, what do you want us to tell you?

I cannot imagine. Counseling is a good idea. Your DH has failed to grow up.

I just make DH leave the house during bedtime. He's so disruptive that the kids always end up sobbing when he's around

If you can't have a conversation with your husband about an issue like this - and have a give and take, where you hear and listen to his rationale, and have him hear and listen to yours - I would consider seeing a marriage counselor.

The title really says it all, but I am really struggling with my DH during this time. We have set a routine of bath, pjs, teeth brushing, books, bed. We have a 3 and 4 year old. He never helps at all. What does he do? Brushes his own teeth, takes the laundry downstairs, goes to another room to lay down. We have talked about that I need his help, but he just can"t do it. Makes bedtime so stressful and I am resentful. He has agreed that the routine is important, but he won't engage. It just makes me so angry and disappointed.