Anonymous
10/20/2019 21:52
Subject: Thoughts on child #2
Anonymous wrote:It’s easy to say the 10 yo is easy until you have a baby. I would definitely wait and see.
She already has another sibling with Mom, so knows the routine.
Anonymous
10/20/2019 21:44
Subject: Thoughts on child #2
It’s easy to say the 10 yo is easy until you have a baby. I would definitely wait and see.
Anonymous
10/20/2019 20:28
Subject: Thoughts on child #2
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:When he gets deployed, you may no longer have split custody.
Yeah I'm very curious about this...step dd's mom will just send her over to your house even though dad isn't there? There is no way in hell I would do that, even if I liked the step mom.
When a military member is deployed, a designated family member takes custody time. In this case, that would be me. While not always straight forward, these are the rights of deployed military members.
Does that change your advice?
For IVF in theory we could afford it, but I hesitate to go that route.
I would see how baby number one goes and then do #2 right away.
Anonymous
10/20/2019 20:22
Subject: Thoughts on child #2
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:When he gets deployed, you may no longer have split custody.
Yeah I'm very curious about this...step dd's mom will just send her over to your house even though dad isn't there? There is no way in hell I would do that, even if I liked the step mom.
When a military member is deployed, a designated family member takes custody time. In this case, that would be me. While not always straight forward, these are the rights of deployed military members.
Does that change your advice?
For IVF in theory we could afford it, but I hesitate to go that route.
Anonymous
10/20/2019 20:13
Subject: Thoughts on child #2
Anonymous wrote:When he gets deployed, you may no longer have split custody.
Yeah I'm very curious about this...step dd's mom will just send her over to your house even though dad isn't there? There is no way in hell I would do that, even if I liked the step mom.
Anonymous
10/20/2019 19:52
Subject: Thoughts on child #2
When he gets deployed, you may no longer have split custody.
Anonymous
10/20/2019 19:50
Subject: Re:Thoughts on child #2
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Will you still have split custody of the 10 y/o when your husband is overseas?
Yes and she's awesome. Very responsible, has been begging for a sibling. It does take work to manage her activities, but she's not a difficult child at all.
OK so you will have an au pair or nanny during the day, but that only helps while you are working. You will working all day, then driving the ten year old to after school activities half the month, with a toddler an infant in tow and no assistance if those times interrupt meal or bedtimes? Potentially no help after a rough night up with the baby, no childcare help on the weekends?
I'm usually one to say to go for it when you are over 35 and want a second child, but this will create such a tremendous burden on you and your marriage...I really think this is the one exception where I would risk a fertility issue at age 39.
Yeah this is my hesitation as well. Military spouses do it all the time, but most don't work. In theory we could try again halfway through the deployment when he comes home but all the stars would have to align for that to work. Right cycling, etc. I would still be at least 39 when giving birth.
Anonymous
10/20/2019 19:48
Subject: Re:Thoughts on child #2
Can you afford to do an IVF cycle and freeze some embryos?
If so, I'd do that after Baby #1.
If so, I'd do that after Baby #1.
Anonymous
10/20/2019 19:44
Subject: Re:Thoughts on child #2
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Will you still have split custody of the 10 y/o when your husband is overseas?
Yes and she's awesome. Very responsible, has been begging for a sibling. It does take work to manage her activities, but she's not a difficult child at all.
OK so you will have an au pair or nanny during the day, but that only helps while you are working. You will working all day, then driving the ten year old to after school activities half the month, with a toddler an infant in tow and no assistance if those times interrupt meal or bedtimes? Potentially no help after a rough night up with the baby, no childcare help on the weekends?
I'm usually one to say to go for it when you are over 35 and want a second child, but this will create such a tremendous burden on you and your marriage...I really think this is the one exception where I would risk a fertility issue at age 39.
Anonymous
10/20/2019 19:23
Subject: Thoughts on child #2
Anonymous wrote:How much help will you have during the deployment? Full time nanny, extended family/grandparents? Full time work and a toddler and 10 year old solo will be exhausting, I can't imagine it combined with a baby.
At the moment none of these. We will likely have a full time nanny or au pair for the deployment, though. My husband's parents are retired, but don't live near us (6 hours driving). They might help but won't know how much yet.
Anonymous
10/20/2019 19:22
Subject: Re:Thoughts on child #2
Anonymous wrote:Will you still have split custody of the 10 y/o when your husband is overseas?
Yes and she's awesome. Very responsible, has been begging for a sibling. It does take work to manage her activities, but she's not a difficult child at all.
Anonymous
10/20/2019 19:21
Subject: Thoughts on child #2
How much help will you have during the deployment? Full time nanny, extended family/grandparents? Full time work and a toddler and 10 year old solo will be exhausting, I can't imagine it combined with a baby.
Anonymous
10/20/2019 19:19
Subject: Re:Thoughts on child #2
Will you still have split custody of the 10 y/o when your husband is overseas?
Anonymous
10/20/2019 19:17
Subject: Re:Thoughts on child #2
One more detail - I work full time and am the breadwinner for our family.
Anonymous
10/20/2019 19:16
Subject: Thoughts on child #2
My husband and I are expecting #1. He has a child from another relationship that is 10 and we have split custody. We know that we'll be together for the next 3 years (military assignment). Then gone for at least a year leaving us all behind. I'm 35, so we don't have a lot of time to decide to have a second. We'll obviously wait to see how this goes with one first, but wanted to see other people's thpughts.
If we don't have the kids super tight together (under 2 year gap) then he'll be on a deployment and me with a baby. If we wait, I'll be 39/40 with the next baby. We didn't have any trouble conceiving, but who knows in 4 years.
If we don't have the kids super tight together (under 2 year gap) then he'll be on a deployment and me with a baby. If we wait, I'll be 39/40 with the next baby. We didn't have any trouble conceiving, but who knows in 4 years.