Give him space to deal with it. How he uses that space depends on him.

Anonymous wrote:How about you ask him what you want. Tell him what your impulse is but ask if that is something that would make him feel good. If not ... don't do it. And then find out what he wants. And then do that. If he says do nothing ... then do nothing.

I'm sorry, I meant ask him what he wants.

How about you ask him what you want. Tell him what your impulse is but ask if that is something that would make him feel good. If not ... don't do it. And then find out what he wants. And then do that. If he says do nothing ... then do nothing.

Anonymous wrote:Ime it helps to just empathize -- "I know this is really hard for you," "I'm so sorry," etc -- rather than trying to make him feel better. Give him space to feel bad and make sure you don't come across like he has to buck up for your sake. Like, yeah, he has to buck up at some point but it sounds like this is still very fresh.

Please don’t say this generic stuff like “I know this is really hard for you.” Spouses should be able to go beyond that kind of talk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ime it helps to just empathize -- "I know this is really hard for you," "I'm so sorry," etc -- rather than trying to make him feel better. Give him space to feel bad and make sure you don't come across like he has to buck up for your sake. Like, yeah, he has to buck up at some point but it sounds like this is still very fresh.

DH here. I wouldn't want that. I actually wouldn't want anything from DW. Just let me be until I can digest and get it out of my system. How to deal with these things are very person specific. Without knowing your DH, no one can really tell you the best way.

+1 another DH here. I imagine this would be the same regardless of gender but as a man, this is like a hit below the belt b/c I feel like I've let down my DW/family and I would need time to process and deal with this on my own. sure, intimacy helps but I wouldn't need DW to "comfort" me in the sense of providing empathy or soothing words - that would make me feel even worse.

I posted above...yes of course give him room to feel anything he feels. Give him empathy. Say "I am sorry" and just listen or let him be if he does not want to talk. Feel for him and he will feel that.

Anonymous wrote:Ime it helps to just empathize -- "I know this is really hard for you," "I'm so sorry," etc -- rather than trying to make him feel better. Give him space to feel bad and make sure you don't come across like he has to buck up for your sake. Like, yeah, he has to buck up at some point but it sounds like this is still very fresh.

DH here. I wouldn't want that. I actually wouldn't want anything from DW. Just let me be until I can digest and get it out of my system. How to deal with these things are very person specific. Without knowing your DH, no one can really tell you the best way.

When I say to my husband, "you're my hero" (with sincerity and love) he seems to find comfort in my words. (And I mean it when I say it).

Ime it helps to just empathize -- "I know this is really hard for you," "I'm so sorry," etc -- rather than trying to make him feel better. Give him space to feel bad and make sure you don't come across like he has to buck up for your sake. Like, yeah, he has to buck up at some point but it sounds like this is still very fresh.

Not knowing your DH's personality but I can tell you that my DH would respond best if I kept the soothing words brief ("you'll get it next time, babe") and planned a fun activity surprise for the weekend - tickets to a game and find a new restaurant, for example.

Tell him to grow up

^PP here. Also, elaborate if you can. Like, I was really impressed when you launched the X plan to market the Y widget. I really like how you identified a new target market for the product and I remember how successful the product launch was.

Tell him the same things you would want to hear if you didn't get a promotion. Tell him he's smart, he's a hard worker, he's done a lot of great things for the company, he's had a lot of successful initiatives. Tell him you're sorry it didn't work out.

soothe his penis instead

My husband just found out that he didn't get a promotion that he very much wanted. What are some specific things I can say to help him feel better? I want to soothe his hurt ego.