My daughter pinches her skin and picks at her skin when she’s stressed. I bought her cute stress balls and I told her to destroy them when she feels anxious. I realize what you are going through is much more serious but I think sometimes just giving a kid another outlet helps.

I'm one of the BTDT folks. My DD has a generalized anxiety and depression dx. She cut fairly regularly throughout 8th grade. She has been in therapy of one kind or another ever since. (She's 17 now). The cutting diminished considerably after about a year of therapy. She's had some relapses--one within the last 6 months--at times of peak stress and/or anger. But it's nothing like the routine cutting she did several years ago.

Kids who cut are often directed into DBT programs. For my DD--who has ADHD and learning challenges as well--DBT was not a good fit. (Too much like school, in a bad way.) YMMV. I'd really recommend working with a therapist first before signing on to a full DBT program.

If they are deep enough to scar, you may want to buy little butterfly bandages or zip stitch bandages at a pharmacy. They hold the sides of the wound shut and can reduce the scaring and then as soon as it is healed over, use vit E cream on them to further help healing.

Anonymous wrote:For those that btdt, do you have any prior symptoms that you observe before the cutting. Like we’re there nervous signs you missed? Eg anxiety, nail biting, picking etc. My dd is performing ok in school but at grade 10 this year, I have noticed starting from this year. She seems stressed. We are telling her to calm down but she is starting to “panic” and exhibits stress. We see her chewing pens, nail biting, And picking fingers till they bleed quite a bit. And the other day she wasn’t cutting but she was poking her Chewed part of her pencil edge (which is therefore sharp) right deep into the nail she was picking at and it was bleeding. Wondering if this is an onset that we need to see a doc.

For my DD, it was a deepening depression and anxiety that she hit well. We knew she was depressed and she was in therapy. Then, she seemed calmer. We thought all was well. But, she was spending more and more time isolated in her room. The first indication has always been school work slipping. Particularly, school work slipping and her not caring. And, she only wore long sleeves.

Cutting is a way to make a physical manifestation of emotional pain, at least that is how it seems in DD's case.

It is also a gateway self-harm. After cutting, thoughts of suicide crept in. When we found out about all of it, we got her help. She has been good for about 2 years now, but, I still keep an eye on things. I am worried about next year, when she is away in college.

For those that btdt, do you have any prior symptoms that you observe before the cutting. Like we’re there nervous signs you missed? Eg anxiety, nail biting, picking etc. My dd is performing ok in school but at grade 10 this year, I have noticed starting from this year. She seems stressed. We are telling her to calm down but she is starting to “panic” and exhibits stress. We see her chewing pens, nail biting, And picking fingers till they bleed quite a bit. And the other day she wasn’t cutting but she was poking her Chewed part of her pencil edge (which is therefore sharp) right deep into the nail she was picking at and it was bleeding. Wondering if this is an onset that we need to see a doc.

OP here. Thank you all for the response to date. I did actually manage to stay calm in front of her and have reached out to her therapist. The cuts were not deep enough to require medical treatment but enough to leave lasting scars. I'm just so distressed that she is feeling such pain. She is a beautiful child, inside and out, and to see her do this to herself is just gut-wrenching. I'll see what the therapist says but wanted to say thanks for your postings.

Also, has anyone's child ever been 'cured' of cutting? Did they 'just grow out of it' or did they go through treatment.

BTDT PP here. Mine slowed down before residential treatment and then stopped completely. There have not been any relapses and it's been almost a year.

I was actually coming on this forum to post almost the exact same thing! But mine is DS not DD. I stayed calm when I discovered it yesterday and am doing research today, but it's really overwhelming! Here's a question that maybe doesn't have an answer - is cutting different than drinking, smoking, drugs, finger picking, etc. I now these 'comping mechanisms' are not labled self-harm, but maybe they should be? It doesn't change my approach, but self-harm is such a graphic label. I'm trying to understand if this behavior is more deep seeded, or could it just be an initial attempt to escape from his own mind?

Also, has anyone's child ever been 'cured' of cutting? Did they 'just grow out of it' or did they go through treatment.

(I don't mean to hijack your thread, OP, just thought you probably have these same thoughts/questions too)

BTDT, too. I'll echo the other posters who have advised you to remain as calm as possible. Bear in mind that your DC is trying to cope with big feelings of distress, albeit in an unhealthy way. You can attempt to remove sharp implements, but only in a loving, caring way. More than that, I would try coming up with a safety agreement with your teen, with steps to follow when feelings get big and overwhelming.

There's a wealth of good info at the website for the Cornell Center for Research on Self-Injury. Go to http://www.selfinjury.bctr.cornell.edu/. You can take an online training, of just find out more about best practices for addressing self-injurious behavior.

BTDT. My teen has scars over their entire body and was hospitalized three times and to the ER another time that didn’t result in inpatient admission. What was explained to me is this. They do it to feel something because they feel dead inside and/or to channel the pain to something physical. There is a therapist in the area that specializes in this but my insurance didnt cover it. I found her through google but no longer have the information.

As to hiding sharps, if a kid is going to cut it’s pretty much impossible to stop them. Mine even cut during inpatient hospitalization which is supposed to be safe. Some examples of tools: the razor blade in a pencil sharpener, the top of a pencil, a drinking glass that they break or really any glass in your house. We had a cracked window due to a storm that resulted in a tool. Your neighbors recycling bin that has glass. I could go on and on.

Sorry you’re going through this. For us the only thing that worked was residential treatment. But lots of kids don’t go that far.

You need to remove all “sharps”. No scissors, no razors, no knives, etc. Lock them up. Do a skin check every day. Bandage/give appropriate medical treatment to any new cuts.

A teen intent on cutting will find a way (btw, limit internet access. There are cutting instagrams, etc, and they learn tricks. Hiding sharps in books or stuffed animals are some of them). If it’s early, you might actually prevent more cutting. If it more entrenched, it’s critical that you send the signal that you are taking this seriously. It tells them they are worth the extra effort. If you blow it off, it reinforces that they are crap.

Stay super calm about all of it though. Like “sweetheart, I’m just going to take the scissors and razors now, because I want to to be safe.”

How bad is the cutting and what triggered it?
Some kids will scratch-cut out of nervous energy/impulsivity (more like the kind of thing that makes some kids pull hair out or pick at skin), rather than an attempt to self harm. There can be multiple causes that might not have the same solution.

Don't freak out in front of her. Just play it cool. it is an unhealthy coping strategy and a sign that she is struggling but don't make it a bigger deal than it is.

If she cut deep enough to need medical care, then get it.

Tell her therapist but likely the therapist is not going to make a big deal of it. Cutting is pretty common in younger teen girls - especially the scratching / surface wound kind.

Call the therapist ASAP. Be prepared to find another therapist if you don't get a response. Your daughter needs help coping with her stress in a healthy manner.

Please do not ignore cutting or hope that it will resolve itself. Once it has become habituated it is very, very difficult change the pattern of behavior. You also need to reach out to your daughter's school counselor. Oftentimes cutting becomes a "thing" for clusters of girls and the school needs to be proactive in addressing it.

I am freaking out as I just found out my daughter cut herself. She seems to be comparing herself negatively to others in her circle of friends and just said it was an impulsive thing she did when her feelings were out of control. If you've had any experience with this, could you please offer some advice? She is seeing a therapist for anxiety and is taking medication.