Anonymous wrote:Put it off for as long as possible.

I sometimes hear parents use some silly excuse like “they need to learn now how to moderate themselves”. It’s pretty clear tweens and teens just cannot. Honestly most adults cannot. Just be the bad guy and hold off as long as you can.

mine did.

My kids are older and we missed the filter/controls for years. I’ve dreamt of being in your shoes.

Verizon My Family lets you control their usage in a few ways. If we had this option when they started, i would have required it

Circle device- controls WiFi - you can control hours, limits, and filter

I would have started with the rule that it stays in my room every night with a set time .

Times are changing so fast. I don't believe in letting kids get social media accounts before they are in high school, but I am okay with technology for connections - texting friends, playing games online.

My lines in the sand now are different than what parents were dealing with when my teens were little, and it will be different again for people with young kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the things that I'm glad that I did was to be consistent. It has made my life so much easier. DD is 13 now.
-I am logged into all of her social media accounts (Insta, youtube, tiktok, even etsy). If she changes a password, she gives me the new one or she gives up the phone.
-I randomly do a phone check (photos, texts, emails, etc.).
-We talk regularly about the different types of impacts that social media (and the internet in general) can have on us. Nothing is temporary, colleges & employers check, etc..

OP- one of the most important things is consistency and follow through. If you're not going to follow through with the parameters you set, you're in for a rough road because kids will capitalize on it. Commonsense Media will be your new best friend; they've done all the research for us. Also, urban dictionary is great for any unfamiliar lingo that pops up.

There are lots of phone monitoring apps also. DD has an iphone and the parental controls are good. She has to send me a request for any apps she'd like to download and their is a good internet filter. When DD was younger I removed all internet browsing capabilities from her phone.

I also once drove DD to friend's house to apologize in person for a mean comment that she texted. This helped her understand that there are real feelings on the other end of her phone.

Good luck, OP!

Not OP but great post. I use Commonsense all the time for movie and even book info, but didn't realize it had phone-related info too?

-parent of an 8yo

P.S. How do we prevent all the duckface photos that teen girls love to post? I feel like I'll have failed if my kid gets into excessive selfies. Kidding not kidding.

I put it off until he actually needed one. He was just about to start 8th grade and he was going to be walking from school to tutoring. That's when I bought him one. Before that, he had no need for one and that's what I told him.

Learn as you go.

My oldest has been easy: he didn't want a phone too badly until later than a lot of kids (got his at 13.) By his own choice, he does not use Insta or Snapchat, just group texts & Discord. Sounds like a distinction without a difference but he literally never takes a photo so there's a whole world of problems we've managed to avoid. Never balked at keeping it downstairs overnight.

But even still it's an addiction. Even for a "good" kid you will have to forcibly kick them off the screen. So build that into the arrangement when you get the phone. I know people who have written contracts with their kids with penalties for misuse or restrictions on time/content/etc. Set the boundaries and enforce them.

Anonymous wrote:One of the things that I'm glad that I did was to be consistent. It has made my life so much easier. DD is 13 now.
-I am logged into all of her social media accounts (Insta, youtube, tiktok, even etsy). If she changes a password, she gives me the new one or she gives up the phone.
-I randomly do a phone check (photos, texts, emails, etc.).
-We talk regularly about the different types of impacts that social media (and the internet in general) can have on us. Nothing is temporary, colleges & employers check, etc..

OP- one of the most important things is consistency and follow through. If you're not going to follow through with the parameters you set, you're in for a rough road because kids will capitalize on it. Commonsense Media will be your new best friend; they've done all the research for us. Also, urban dictionary is great for any unfamiliar lingo that pops up.

There are lots of phone monitoring apps also. DD has an iphone and the parental controls are good. She has to send me a request for any apps she'd like to download and their is a good internet filter. When DD was younger I removed all internet browsing capabilities from her phone.

I also once drove DD to friend's house to apologize in person for a mean comment that she texted. This helped her understand that there are real feelings on the other end of her phone.

Good luck, OP!

Not OP but great post. I use Commonsense all the time for movie and even book info, but didn't realize it had phone-related info too?

-parent of an 8yo

We ended up giving a phone earlier than anticipated. It came with strict parameters at age 11. She was very happy to follow the rules because she was excited to have the phone. She got no SM until age 13 and then only IG. No SC until much later. By the time we allowed SC, she had already had the experience of seeing friends and acquaintances hurt by online bs and wanted no part of that world. I have all of her logins. I check them less often now, but I still check and boy does my sparse monitoring give me a lot of information about other kids.

We also made a choice to send her to a school that doesn’t allow certain grades to bring devices to school. And no use of devices during the school day for the kids who are allowed to have them at school. We also sent her to two camps over the summer that are screen free.

My perception is that she uses it appropriately.

My kids are 11 and 13 they do not have smart phones they have old fashioned cell phones for emergency calls and texts only. We will upgrade this coming holidays to smart phones.

You need to be very careful as the science isn't completely in on the effects of phones on developing brains.

That is actually our main concern, aside from the social nonsense which we know at least one of ours will not engage in.

I don't have an issue with them. Mine's in 5th. We will get one for middle school. The phones are not the issue, but how you use them. You don't have to put apps or the internet on there. We have a gizmo now.

One of the things that I'm glad that I did was to be consistent. It has made my life so much easier. DD is 13 now.
-I am logged into all of her social media accounts (Insta, youtube, tiktok, even etsy). If she changes a password, she gives me the new one or she gives up the phone.
-I randomly do a phone check (photos, texts, emails, etc.).
-We talk regularly about the different types of impacts that social media (and the internet in general) can have on us. Nothing is temporary, colleges & employers check, etc..

OP- one of the most important things is consistency and follow through. If you're not going to follow through with the parameters you set, you're in for a rough road because kids will capitalize on it. Commonsense Media will be your new best friend; they've done all the research for us. Also, urban dictionary is great for any unfamiliar lingo that pops up.

There are lots of phone monitoring apps also. DD has an iphone and the parental controls are good. She has to send me a request for any apps she'd like to download and their is a good internet filter. When DD was younger I removed all internet browsing capabilities from her phone.

I also once drove DD to friend's house to apologize in person for a mean comment that she texted. This helped her understand that there are real feelings on the other end of her phone.

Good luck, OP!

Eh, just give in to it and prepare to lose them down the rabbit hole.

Put it off for as long as possible.

I sometimes hear parents use some silly excuse like “they need to learn now how to moderate themselves”. It’s pretty clear tweens and teens just cannot. Honestly most adults cannot. Just be the bad guy and hold off as long as you can.

We aren't in the battle yet about when to get a phone. But, we will be. What do you wish you had done/said/learned before giving your kids phones? When do you think is best for them to have one? What do you wish you had done differently before giving your kids a phone?