When I'm not up for entertaining and that we have people over, I either order some food or we all go out (I pay).
That's fine. Or you can just say you're tired and postpone the meal. They're local so it's not a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:It is 1000% fine to say that you are not up for it!!!

I remember when the kids were young and one of us needed to travel for a week. Doing both drop off and pick with a long commute and full work day always made the one left at home completely exhausted by the end of the week. The one traveling had a nice break.

People should only be invited (or expect to be invited) to someone's home when both spouses are 100% up for it. This whole suck it up and push yourself over the edge because some family member demands attention NOW is BS.

This. Not to mention the house probably isn't the cleanest it could be, and planning/shopping for/preparing a nice meal might be more than OP is up to after a long week. My ILs would be fine with takeout or pizza on the back deck but not every family is as casual. Maybe that's why OP suggested going out somewhere.

Anonymous wrote:It is 1000% fine to say that you are not up for it!!!

I remember when the kids were young and one of us needed to travel for a week. Doing both drop off and pick with a long commute and full work day always made the one left at home completely exhausted by the end of the week. The one traveling had a nice break.

People should only be invited (or expect to be invited) to someone's home when both spouses are 100% up for it. This whole suck it up and push yourself over the edge because some family member demands attention NOW is BS.

OP, do you work?

I’d host because DH clearly is hinting he wants them there and 2 extra plates for dinner are NBD.

Anonymous wrote:When your son’s wife or daughter’s husband....says you can’t see them and the grandkids because they wanted an easygoing day when your child was fully up for the occasion ....tell me how that will make you feel.

NP. That’s an easy one. I’m unlikely to ask if I can go visit my adult child and his family on a random Tuesday with one day’s notice. In the event that I did, I’d be asking if I could take them all out to dinner or babysit the kids while my son and DIL go out to dinner.

OP, when my dad’s parents knew they were going to be in our area on a weekday, my grandma would clear a visit with my mom in advance and grandma brought dinner over so my mom (who had a full time job outside the home) didn’t have to lift a finger. My mom always said she couldn’t have asked for better in-laws.

It is 1000% fine to say that you are not up for it!!!

I remember when the kids were young and one of us needed to travel for a week. Doing both drop off and pick with a long commute and full work day always made the one left at home completely exhausted by the end of the week. The one traveling had a nice break.

People should only be invited (or expect to be invited) to someone's home when both spouses are 100% up for it. This whole suck it up and push yourself over the edge because some family member demands attention NOW is BS.

Anonymous wrote:OP is willing to meet somewhere but not host. That is totally fair under ANY circumstances.

Just have him suggest you guys meet somewhere.

Its unclear whether OP is willing to go elsewhere with the kids...she suggest DH go alone to visit parents. How that is tied into him being gone for a week is a mystery

What's the big deal?

OP is willing to meet somewhere but not host. That is totally fair under ANY circumstances.

Just have him suggest you guys meet somewhere.

What are your visits with them normally like - do they expect a big meal or can you order a pizza?

When your son’s wife or daughter’s husband....says you can’t see them and the grandkids because they wanted an easygoing day when your child was fully up for the occasion ....tell me how that will make you feel.

I think it would be fine for you to say, "Honey, I'm not up for this. I don't mind if you go visit them, but I'm feeling tired. How about we have them over next weekend?"
I think his being out of town is irrelevant.

You have zero excuse not to see them. Why not just suggest you all go out somewhere you know DH likes?

Do you work outside of the home?

My DH just returned from a weeklong business trip. He returned late Sunday evening. He’s working today and gets off early than usual tomorrow. Today is a normally hectic day and I was really hoping tomorrow could be an easy and relaxing day that gets us back into our usual groove. It’s nice that he’s home early too, because the kids miss him. He just texted me asking what plans we have tomorrow, his parents would like to come visit (local) and catch up.

In light of his recent week away, how do you feel about me standing my ground and saying not at our house? I have no issues with him visiting his parents at their house, but I’m tired and I don’t want to entertain. Or should I take one for the team since DH might just want to relax at home on his half-day?