An attorney who specializes in elder care can (among other things):
- set up estates and trusts to protect assets
- help determine how to get the best coverage for nursing home care (and other covered care) before using personal resources
- advise on medical consent, POA, living will, etc...
- be an impartial expert to advise the family


We have used an elder care attorney for years - my mother set it up and he has been invaluable in protecting her legally and financially when my father spent more than two years in increasingly costly long term care. He is also working with us on setting up and managing the trust in which their home rests, and in planning for asset distribution when my mother dies.

I highly recommend using one and it's never too soon. There was a time when my mother had a medical crisis and couldn't communicate well for weeks, while my father was medically fragile in a nursing home. On more than one occasion there was some sort of urgent need that the attorney could help me with because he had critical paperwork on file, or had access to documents I couldn't otherwise have found quickly. When you have a family member in an ICU and need to have the ability to make medical decisions, pay bills, etc... the attorney can be a lifeline. But only if you have it in place in advance.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband's father is disabled, has dementia, and has no money. His wife is likely to divorce him. However, before she does that, I think she should go and see an attorney who specializes in elder care in order to talk through all her options. What do these types of attorneys do? She does not have power of attorney for my FIL (she does have medical power of attorney). If she divorces him, I am concerned about what liability/responsibility (legal, not ethical) this places on my husband and his sister. Can this type of attorney help us figure that out, too? My husband sees no urgency in this, and I think there is urgency. Who will/can make the decisions about FIL's care if FIL is now single?

Does your father in law already qualify for Medicaid?

If he is disabled and has no money of his own, and his wife does have money, Medicaid will still want her to pay for his care. She needs to consult an attorney but I'm pretty sure that she can only keep a certain amount of money whether divorced or married.

The foregoing is not necessarily correct.

OP: look for someone credentialed by the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys.

"Amateur night" can be very costly in these matters.

Anonymous wrote:My husband's father is disabled, has dementia, and has no money. His wife is likely to divorce him. However, before she does that, I think she should go and see an attorney who specializes in elder care in order to talk through all her options. What do these types of attorneys do? She does not have power of attorney for my FIL (she does have medical power of attorney). If she divorces him, I am concerned about what liability/responsibility (legal, not ethical) this places on my husband and his sister. Can this type of attorney help us figure that out, too? My husband sees no urgency in this, and I think there is urgency. Who will/can make the decisions about FIL's care if FIL is now single?

Does your father in law already qualify for Medicaid?

If he is disabled and has no money of his own, and his wife does have money, Medicaid will still want her to pay for his care. She needs to consult an attorney but I'm pretty sure that she can only keep a certain amount of money whether divorced or married.

File for legal guardianship. You can do it yourself without an attorney. Then you can represent him.

Anonymous wrote:My husband's father is disabled, has dementia, and has no money. His wife is likely to divorce him. However, before she does that, I think she should go and see an attorney who specializes in elder care in order to talk through all her options. What do these types of attorneys do? She does not have power of attorney for my FIL (she does have medical power of attorney). If she divorces him, I am concerned about what liability/responsibility (legal, not ethical) this places on my husband and his sister. Can this type of attorney help us figure that out, too? My husband sees no urgency in this, and I think there is urgency. Who will/can make the decisions about FIL's care if FIL is now single?

Are you suggesting that you have the same attorney as your Step MIL? That sounds like a conflict of interest. Your husband should see his own lawyer, and it doesn't matter what Step MIL does. The next of kin (the kids) will have the power/responsibility to care for him, but will not be responsible for his bills in *most* states unless they sign for responsibility. Your husband should get a power of attorney, medical power of attorney (it may be too late for a will or living will if FIL is no longer competent but maybe not if he still has periods of lucidity).

My husband's father is disabled, has dementia, and has no money. His wife is likely to divorce him. However, before she does that, I think she should go and see an attorney who specializes in elder care in order to talk through all her options. What do these types of attorneys do? She does not have power of attorney for my FIL (she does have medical power of attorney). If she divorces him, I am concerned about what liability/responsibility (legal, not ethical) this places on my husband and his sister. Can this type of attorney help us figure that out, too? My husband sees no urgency in this, and I think there is urgency. Who will/can make the decisions about FIL's care if FIL is now single?