I mentioned this in another thread, it is off the charts with my mom, especially during the last year, and it has been MOD for FIL for decades now, but not sure that is elderly, he is now elderly so it is even worse! Imagine a guy who has to have everything his way or he throws a tantrum, since he was 50, when I met him basically. He is unbearable, he will come in to see and and yell that he has to eat now and where, and let's go! I mean, he just drove here, why didn't he eat? My mom acted like a douche toddler during her last visit here. "I need watermelon and I need it now." "Mom, there is watermelon in the fridge." "But, it is almost gone and you need to go and buy it right away." Or, "it is clear that you are raising my blood sugar and wishing me to die, since you didn't buy any blueberries."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty rough. Some were fairly ornery to begin with and age just enhances that. Some of it is mental decline too, and frustration at the loss of independence. I see a big difference between my Grandparents and DH's. His Grandma is almost 95, and if she still had the physical ability would be completely self sufficient. My Grandma was in assisted living and very unhappy by 85.

If you can, set a schedule to be available. Run their errands with yours.

Not the poster you are referring to, but at least with my elderly parent, it's not about the errands. It's about control. There is no interest in being convenient, it's about making someone jump when you say jump and throwing a tantrum when they don't.

Even when it’s not about a parent throwing tantrums, it’s still hard. For example, my father would spend hours at the grocery store because it’s entertainment for him and he has nothing else to do, and nowhere that he has to be. I get frustrated because it’s just one task on a long list of things that I have to accomplish during the day. I could run in and get what he wants in a few minutes, but it’s a social event for him. I’ve had to limit the number of trips I can do. I’m really the only family he has, which makes me feel sorry for him, but I have limits on my time.

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty rough. Some were fairly ornery to begin with and age just enhances that. Some of it is mental decline too, and frustration at the loss of independence. I see a big difference between my Grandparents and DH's. His Grandma is almost 95, and if she still had the physical ability would be completely self sufficient. My Grandma was in assisted living and very unhappy by 85.

If you can, set a schedule to be available. Run their errands with yours.

Not the poster you are referring to, but at least with my elderly parent, it's not about the errands. It's about control. There is no interest in being convenient, it's about making someone jump when you say jump and throwing a tantrum when they don't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found it more like the lack of filters was gone. Whatever popped into my moms head, she said. Same is now happening with my MIL. Problem is so much is so negative and inappropriate and sometimes racist.

Nothing like an elderly parent with hearing aides and no filter who is racist. They spew the racism loudly in a public place and can't even hear how loud and horrible they are.

It's even better when they are in assisted living and most of the caregivers are non-white.

The last line. Yeah. Yikes. What do you do, sometimes they don't even understand that they ARE racist.

Getting old seems awful to me. But the alternative....

It's pretty rough. Some were fairly ornery to begin with and age just enhances that. Some of it is mental decline too, and frustration at the loss of independence. I see a big difference between my Grandparents and DH's. His Grandma is almost 95, and if she still had the physical ability would be completely self sufficient. My Grandma was in assisted living and very unhappy by 85.

If you can, set a schedule to be available. Run their errands with yours.

My sympathy, OP. I have an elderly relative who is becoming increasingly demanding as if I don’t have a family of my own. I’m learning to set boundaries and be more protective of my time because the frequent errands and tasks are really cutting into my family time and my kids won’t be kids much longer. I want to be able to go places and do things with them while I can. My relative seems to have lost all concept of the time it takes to go places and take care of errands. It’s not easy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found it more like the lack of filters was gone. Whatever popped into my moms head, she said. Same is now happening with my MIL. Problem is so much is so negative and inappropriate and sometimes racist.

Nothing like an elderly parent with hearing aides and no filter who is racist. They spew the racism loudly in a public place and can't even hear how loud and horrible they are.

It's even better when they are in assisted living and most of the caregivers are non-white.

Oh man, my heart goes out to these people working with racists and hostile elderly folks. I gave extra tips to aides, etc anytime I witnessed something. I chastised my parent and apologized for them as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found it more like the lack of filters was gone. Whatever popped into my moms head, she said. Same is now happening with my MIL. Problem is so much is so negative and inappropriate and sometimes racist.

Nothing like an elderly parent with hearing aides and no filter who is racist. They spew the racism loudly in a public place and can't even hear how loud and horrible they are.

It's even better when they are in assisted living and most of the caregivers are non-white.

Yes my FIL is now acting like a toddler, making increasing demands with no appreciation for anything anyone does for him.

He is beyond rude, he doesn't even say thank-you to the hospital aides in hospital who bring him his coffee and snacks. He just grabs it from them with no acknowledgement at all.

No empathy at all for anyone else. He wants my MIL at the hospital with him from early morning to late evening running around getting him this that and everything whilst he refuses to do his physical therapy. No concern for her at all.

I don't find it lovable, I find it exhausting and draining.

Anonymous wrote:I found it more like the lack of filters was gone. Whatever popped into my moms head, she said. Same is now happening with my MIL. Problem is so much is so negative and inappropriate and sometimes racist.

Nothing like an elderly parent with hearing aides and no filter who is racist. They spew the racism loudly in a public place and can't even hear how loud and horrible they are.

Anonymous wrote:Old people are like toddlers in many ways: tantrum throwing, self centered poopy pants who are still so lovable

I think I enjoyed my kids as toddlers-tantrums and all- much more than I am enjoying elder tantrums. Maybe it's because a 2 year old can't spew such wretched venom at you with their limited vocabulary.

Anonymous wrote:I found it more like the lack of filters was gone. Whatever popped into my moms head, she said. Same is now happening with my MIL. Problem is so much is so negative and inappropriate and sometimes racist.

OMG do I relate to this.

The thing is it seems like empathy flies out the window too.

I found it more like the lack of filters was gone. Whatever popped into my moms head, she said. Same is now happening with my MIL. Problem is so much is so negative and inappropriate and sometimes racist.

Old people are like toddlers in many ways: tantrum throwing, self centered poopy pants who are still so lovable

Anyone else find the demands increase and awareness about how unreasonable they are decreases. My parent could not fathom why I was stressed out. I have a family of my own and a lot going on and parent's behaviors are obnoxious and rude with many sprinkles of tantrums and yet there is no awareness that your rude tune and tantrums stress me out. This is without cognitive decline yet, or at least not notable decline (able to live independently). The times I have walked away from tantrums the assumption was I was completely nuts. The self-awareness that the extreme negative behavior is abnormal and alarming is just gone.