Anonymous wrote:I got in trouble for telling the kid that she was going to be fat if she added sugar to already sugary cereal. I didn't call her she was fat even though she was.
I would have never called the child an idiot nor did I ever raise my voice. I'd rematch now.

I can't imagine why you got in "trouble."

Why haven't you taught a five year old some manners? It is impolite to ask personal questions of anyone. The au pair has problems and your son needs a Manners 101 class.

Anonymous wrote:I got in trouble for telling the kid that she was going to be fat if she added sugar to already sugary cereal. I didn't call her she was fat even though she was.
I would have never called the child an idiot nor did I ever raise my voice. I'd rematch now.

I'm glad you got in trouble for that.

Putting up with irritating behavior from a child is part of this au pair's job. He's not handling it well. I'd rematch.

Another vote for rematch. At the same time, it seems like you need to work on your son's behavior and that is not something that you can outsource to an au pair.

He called your kid an idiot and shouted?! Nope. No second chances there.

I got in trouble for telling the kid that she was going to be fat if she added sugar to already sugary cereal. I didn't call her she was fat even though she was.
I would have never called the child an idiot nor did I ever raise my voice. I'd rematch now.

We have also had many au pairs over the years. I would rematch. A bad fit rarely gets good. It just gets less bad and the year is too long for that. But, talk to him about what he is looking for in a new family. He might do better with younger children and maybe you can help him find a family that is a better fit.

Anonymous wrote:Telling a kid to shut up and calling him an idiot is a hard no. I would rematch.

Agree. This au pair is at work and is shouting and name calling in the first week. No way.

Telling a kid to shut up and calling him an idiot is a hard no. I would rematch.

I don’t know. Give him a chance. New people, new country. Your son was rude and may have felt entitled. AP could have been overly stressed. We are all human. Have a real talk. It’s the mature grown up thing to do. No need to make it overly serious but be kind and understanding. Understand that you set the power dynamics and you are already in a position of authority. Be conscious of that and try to make the environment more calm.

What in the world... obviously rematch. And be careful. It sounds like there are some depression/anxiety issues at play.

The au pair needs to agree immediately he will NOT call anyone in your family or in your house, any names.

He needs to decide whether or not he is capable of being the adult within the dynamic with your son. If not, he should go. If so, he should suggest to your son they "re-start", complete with introductory handshakes and all.

Rematch. I’m so sorry this happened. What a huge disappointment and stress. Hugs to you and your family.

Our family welcomed our 4th au pair nearly a month ago for our 6th year in the program. We loved our previous three au pairs and all remain an important part of our lives even from afar. Our newest one seemed interested and caring during the Skype interviews, however, we found him extremely introverted in person and hard to connect with. We have one son - 5th grade who has had a very hard time connecting with him. Unfortunately, he's been a bit rude at times to the au pair, which we addressed with him. It seems like they argued today when my son was asking what was perceived as intrusive questions, things escalated and the au pair shouted at him, told him three times to shut up and called him an idiot according to my son, which the au pair confirmed was true. He apologized and seemed genuinely sorry, but now I am of course very concerned and wonder if pursuing a rematch would be better for all. Of course I am concerned that the rematch could be even worse, we'd be left with a long gap, etc, but also don't want all parties to suffer through what should be a joyful year together.

Any advice? Give it once more attempt to work out with a defined timeframe or get out quickly?