It’s nice that you want to keep the older one busy, but you gave up some of your ability to do so when you decided to have another baby. You are using these other moms, and you know it.

Why can’t you reciprocate on a weekend? Host a play date or drive someone else’s kid to the birthday party along with yours.

That’s awesome that these moms are hosting DD for play dates and making it easy for you. Don’t give them gifts - that’s just weird and like a payment of sorts. But you *absolutely* should reciprocate by inviting them over for a weekend playdate or pizza night. Something to show your appreciation in a non-monetary way.

Seems like its easy to host a playdate. The baby is either napping or immobile. Its harder to host if you have a younger sibling in preschool who wants to tag along and get into everything the big kids are doing.

OP, you need a carpool. You can drive in the mornings and the others can drive in the afternoons. You kid gets to nap. That’s how we did it.

Anonymous wrote:I hate the “my youngest naps can you solve my problems” BS.

Me too. I was a SAHM with kids 2.5 years apart. My younger kid got dragged to every single drop off/pick up and managed to survive. She's now a thriving kindergartener with a bunch of 3rd grade (older sister's age) friends that look out for her.

You’re being a user. Stop.

You know how many of us have this spread with a 3 or 4 year old in the middle? Me! And I manage elementary and preschool pick ups and drop offs and naps just fine. Your baby wont explode if you gently take her from crib to car seat for a pick up. I do it o I dunno about 3 or 4 times a day. And sometimes they wake up but sometimes they sleep. 1x a week OS way too often IMO.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - this is definitely not everyday, it’s more like 2x per week and it’s never the same person more than once per week.

The issue with hosting playdates is that my nanny does not have room for an extra child in her car because of the two car seats she currently has in the back seat. Maybe I should get something smaller for my older one at this point. But she can’t bring an extra kid home from school.

That said, the nanny of another friend picked up my DD and the DD she cares for to my house one day this week which worked well.

OP you are just giving excuses but sorry that comes across like a user. 1x a week without reciprocation is using. Unless its some kind of sports convertible, get a booster seat for the playdate kid and your nanny can fit all three in the car.

OP here - this is definitely not everyday, it’s more like 2x per week and it’s never the same person more than once per week.

The issue with hosting playdates is that my nanny does not have room for an extra child in her car because of the two car seats she currently has in the back seat. Maybe I should get something smaller for my older one at this point. But she can’t bring an extra kid home from school.

That said, the nanny of another friend picked up my DD and the DD she cares for to my house one day this week which worked well.

I hate the “my youngest naps can you solve my problems” BS.

Do they like wine? Gift card to their favorite restaurant? Send it over and include a note that you really appreciate their help during this time. Make sure to offer lots of play dates in the near future.

I wouldn't worry about the occasional drives home or ride to a birthday party but I don't understand why you can't reciprocate a play date? Many of us handle that age spread (I actually had that plus another child in between) and still allowed my kids to have friends over? For me it was easier to let the K kids play together and focus on the baby. A professional nanny should absolutely be able to handle this.

As for naps - yeah, that just is how it goes sometimes with the younger siblings. Their naps get interrupted, they get dragged to the older one's soccer meets etc.

When mine was in K, I was driving a friend’s kid home for the exact same reason: they didn’t want to have to wake their youngest from a nap. At first I was like, I’m happy to help. But I started getting a little resentful, especially as the year progressed and the nap schedules changed, and I would get there and the “napper” was clearly awake.

My advice having BTDT, pick up your own kid when possible. Don’t be a user. A last minute “no need, I’ll be there” text is ok. No need to reciprocate, IMO, just don’t be a user. If you want the convenience and you can’t reciprocate, a little gift card here or there doesn’t hurt.

My DD is in K and we also have a 7 month old. DD has a handful of good friends from her preschool who are at the same elementary school and their parents have been so amazingly helpful with DD since we had the baby. The logistics of our age spread are tough and in order to pick DD up from school our nanny has to wake the baby which kills her afternoon nap. Plus it’s hard working around her eating schedule, etc. My nanny’s car can’t really fit another kid in the back seat so she can’t bring a friend home with us, and I prefer to keep my older one busy.

These other moms often host my DD at their house after school, will drive her home, one even took her to a birthday party last weekend.

I feel really bad I can’t reciprocate right now... should I? I don’t want these moms to feel taken advantage of in any way. Would you care about this if you were the one helping out with your child’s friend? Should I get them a thank you gift or is that weird or unnecessary?

I know it won’t always be like this but we still have a little ways to go.