Anonymous
09/09/2019 19:02
Subject: Should I be reluctant to get serious?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I read all paragraphs. Run, don't walk. Each paragraph is a complete and real reason to DTMF.
+1. He has some major skeletons.
+2 and a year of dating isn't long enough to have discovered them. There are too many big red flags.
jabaltimore004
09/09/2019 18:46
Subject: Re:Should I be reluctant to get serious?
I don't practice family law, but I work with divorced people all the time. If he didn't have an attorney and she did or neither one had an attorney he may have taken legal advice from Google about how to do self-help divorce and wound up giving up more than he intended. How long have they been divorced. Who he was then is not necessarily who he is now. People make mistakes and can change. It's a red flag, but not disqualifying.
The 2nd bit is odd. If he's not willing to discuss it then it sounds like it's just something he wants to do, but doesn't really have a plan. Is he typically the type that jumps into things without a plan in place?
The 2nd bit is odd. If he's not willing to discuss it then it sounds like it's just something he wants to do, but doesn't really have a plan. Is he typically the type that jumps into things without a plan in place?
Anonymous
09/09/2019 18:38
Subject: Should I be reluctant to get serious?
Anonymous wrote:Does he pay child support?
He may have agreed with his exW to give up custody in exchange for lowering his child support obligations.
Anonymous
09/09/2019 18:33
Subject: Should I be reluctant to get serious?
Does he pay child support?
Anonymous
09/09/2019 18:32
Subject: Should I be reluctant to get serious?
So if you had kids with him, he may not take his parental rights and responsibilities seriously if your marriage ended.
I would be worried that he did something serious during his marriage and his exW got custody as a result or she's able to hold something over his head -- infidelity, abuse, etc.
While dating I met a few guys who had kids they didn't ever see because "their mom won't let me" or "she's poisoning them against me." They kind of said it with a shrug. Uh, NO. Shit happens with crazy exes, but you better be spending every cent you have to win back at least partial custody.
I would be worried that he did something serious during his marriage and his exW got custody as a result or she's able to hold something over his head -- infidelity, abuse, etc.
While dating I met a few guys who had kids they didn't ever see because "their mom won't let me" or "she's poisoning them against me." They kind of said it with a shrug. Uh, NO. Shit happens with crazy exes, but you better be spending every cent you have to win back at least partial custody.
Anonymous
09/09/2019 15:06
Subject: Should I be reluctant to get serious?
Agree with PP - RUN!
Anonymous
09/09/2019 15:06
Subject: Should I be reluctant to get serious?
Anonymous wrote:I read all paragraphs. Run, don't walk. Each paragraph is a complete and real reason to DTMF.
+1. He has some major skeletons.
Anonymous
09/09/2019 15:04
Subject: Should I be reluctant to get serious?
I read all paragraphs. Run, don't walk. Each paragraph is a complete and real reason to DTMF.
Anonymous
09/09/2019 15:03
Subject: Should I be reluctant to get serious?
Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend would like us to discuss taking nexts steps towards getting more serious, which would mean thinking about living together at some point in time. I have a few concerns about some things he’s done that I’d like to understand better before moving forward. But he thinks that if I have questions it means that I don’t love him enough.
The first is that he’s given up legal and physical custody of his kids as part of his divorce agreement. He still sees them several times a week, but doesn’t have any custody rights and they never stay with him. When I’ve asked why things are this way, he just says that it’s no big deal and that it’s best for the kids. But I’m having trouble understanding it, because it essentially means that his ex, who isn’t on great terms with him, could bar him from seeing the kids or even move them out of the country with no forwarding address. I’ve known him for a year and don’t see any behavior that makes me think that his ex forced him to give up custody with some sort of threat, but it just seems weird to me. I really would like to understand this situation before I commit to anything more.
My other concern is that he’s recently spent a good deal of time, effort and money to pursue a second gig, unrelated to his career. To the extent that he’s spent far more money on it than he can expect to earn back for quite sometime. And when I’ve asked him why he’s pursuing it and what his goals are, he doesn’t give me an explanation. So I’m left befuddled as to what to think. If he told me that he’s doing it to bring in a bit more money or to develop a career that he could do in retirement or meet new people - I could understand any of these reasons. But I’m left wondering what’s going on. Is he planning to quit his day job at some point on time? Does he have debt that I don’t know about? If we were just going to keep our relationship as is, then what he does with his time and how he manages his money would be none of my business. But if we’re going to live together, I feel like I should understand why he’s doing this and where he thinks it may lead to.
I just am finding both these things very odd and a bit unsettling, and I’m not happy that we’re not talking about them.
Op, this is your gut speaking: girl, run!
Anonymous
09/09/2019 15:02
Subject: Should I be reluctant to get serious?
Anonymous wrote:I stopped reading at the second paragraph. If I learned that the guy I was dating gave up custody of his kids, I would end it immediately, I don’t even need to know the reason why.
+1
Anonymous
09/09/2019 14:52
Subject: Should I be reluctant to get serious?
Anonymous wrote:I didn't read past the kids thing either-- this man is not a good man if is he was willing to give up his kids. Period.
Anonymous
09/09/2019 14:52
Subject: Should I be reluctant to get serious?
I didn't read past the kids thing either-- this man is not a good man is he was willing to give up his kids. Period.
Anonymous
09/09/2019 14:49
Subject: Should I be reluctant to get serious?
You’re right, OP. These are two huge red flags, and the fact that he isn’t willing to discuss these issues with him is a third one.
Why did you wait for him to ask you to be more serious to evaluate the situation. Don’t waste your time!
Why did you wait for him to ask you to be more serious to evaluate the situation. Don’t waste your time!
Anonymous
09/09/2019 14:46
Subject: Should I be reluctant to get serious?
I stopped reading at the second paragraph. If I learned that the guy I was dating gave up custody of his kids, I would end it immediately, I don’t even need to know the reason why.
Anonymous
09/09/2019 14:43
Subject: Should I be reluctant to get serious?
My boyfriend would like us to discuss taking nexts steps towards getting more serious, which would mean thinking about living together at some point in time. I have a few concerns about some things he’s done that I’d like to understand better before moving forward. But he thinks that if I have questions it means that I don’t love him enough.
The first is that he’s given up legal and physical custody of his kids as part of his divorce agreement. He still sees them several times a week, but doesn’t have any custody rights and they never stay with him. When I’ve asked why things are this way, he just says that it’s no big deal and that it’s best for the kids. But I’m having trouble understanding it, because it essentially means that his ex, who isn’t on great terms with him, could bar him from seeing the kids or even move them out of the country with no forwarding address. I’ve known him for a year and don’t see any behavior that makes me think that his ex forced him to give up custody with some sort of threat, but it just seems weird to me. I really would like to understand this situation before I commit to anything more.
My other concern is that he’s recently spent a good deal of time, effort and money to pursue a second gig, unrelated to his career. To the extent that he’s spent far more money on it than he can expect to earn back for quite sometime. And when I’ve asked him why he’s pursuing it and what his goals are, he doesn’t give me an explanation. So I’m left befuddled as to what to think. If he told me that he’s doing it to bring in a bit more money or to develop a career that he could do in retirement or meet new people - I could understand any of these reasons. But I’m left wondering what’s going on. Is he planning to quit his day job at some point on time? Does he have debt that I don’t know about? If we were just going to keep our relationship as is, then what he does with his time and how he manages his money would be none of my business. But if we’re going to live together, I feel like I should understand why he’s doing this and where he thinks it may lead to.
I just am finding both these things very odd and a bit unsettling, and I’m not happy that we’re not talking about them.
The first is that he’s given up legal and physical custody of his kids as part of his divorce agreement. He still sees them several times a week, but doesn’t have any custody rights and they never stay with him. When I’ve asked why things are this way, he just says that it’s no big deal and that it’s best for the kids. But I’m having trouble understanding it, because it essentially means that his ex, who isn’t on great terms with him, could bar him from seeing the kids or even move them out of the country with no forwarding address. I’ve known him for a year and don’t see any behavior that makes me think that his ex forced him to give up custody with some sort of threat, but it just seems weird to me. I really would like to understand this situation before I commit to anything more.
My other concern is that he’s recently spent a good deal of time, effort and money to pursue a second gig, unrelated to his career. To the extent that he’s spent far more money on it than he can expect to earn back for quite sometime. And when I’ve asked him why he’s pursuing it and what his goals are, he doesn’t give me an explanation. So I’m left befuddled as to what to think. If he told me that he’s doing it to bring in a bit more money or to develop a career that he could do in retirement or meet new people - I could understand any of these reasons. But I’m left wondering what’s going on. Is he planning to quit his day job at some point on time? Does he have debt that I don’t know about? If we were just going to keep our relationship as is, then what he does with his time and how he manages his money would be none of my business. But if we’re going to live together, I feel like I should understand why he’s doing this and where he thinks it may lead to.
I just am finding both these things very odd and a bit unsettling, and I’m not happy that we’re not talking about them.