Anonymous
09/06/2019 21:14
Subject: DH is claiming to be Jewish with no verifiable proof.
We definitely need more info for context here, but on the surface I find this really touching and hope your DH finds whatever it is he is seeking.
I think your DH is seeking belonging, and familial/ancestral identity, from the snippets you provided. It’s really sweet that he’s got an attachment to the traditions and “props”. Jews kick ass in the tradition, ancestry, and community departments! The sense of community and belonging a congregation can provide would be great, IF he finds a good fit. He shouldn’t necessarily run away from shuls that ask about lineage. It’s an important aspect of Judaism. He should be honest about his situation. If a rabbi is dismissive after knowing his whole story, then, yeah, find somewhere else. Definitely check out more progressive reform synagogues.
Where are you located? Maybe we can help suggest congregations that would be a good fit?
I think your DH is seeking belonging, and familial/ancestral identity, from the snippets you provided. It’s really sweet that he’s got an attachment to the traditions and “props”. Jews kick ass in the tradition, ancestry, and community departments! The sense of community and belonging a congregation can provide would be great, IF he finds a good fit. He shouldn’t necessarily run away from shuls that ask about lineage. It’s an important aspect of Judaism. He should be honest about his situation. If a rabbi is dismissive after knowing his whole story, then, yeah, find somewhere else. Definitely check out more progressive reform synagogues.
Where are you located? Maybe we can help suggest congregations that would be a good fit?
Anonymous
09/06/2019 21:09
Subject: DH is claiming to be Jewish with no verifiable proof.
Hope he's already circumcised.
Anonymous
09/06/2019 21:09
Subject: DH is claiming to be Jewish with no verifiable proof.
Anonymous wrote:Does he have a big ego?
Why?
Anonymous
09/06/2019 20:59
Subject: DH is claiming to be Jewish with no verifiable proof.
Does he have a big ego?
Anonymous
09/06/2019 20:56
Subject: Re:DH is claiming to be Jewish with no verifiable proof.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Only an orthodox shul would need proof. He could join a reform or even most conservative synagogues just by saying he's interested.
+1
-1. We recently joined a Conservative shul and we were asked to state if each partner was born Jewish, converted, had any special lineage like Cohen or Levi, etc. They didn't ask for proof but perhaps if we'd been converts or not Jewish at all they would have.
OP, are you Jewish? It sounds like maybe?
If your DH feels Jewish but didn't grow up with any Jewish customs or instruction then in the end it doesn't really matter what his genetics say. He should take the classes -- he doesn't have to take them all at once -- to learn what he needs to learn, either as a path to conversion, or just to knowledge. If he doesn't convert, then as someone with no identifiable Jewish ancestry, I'm not sure what that would mean for him. It's best for him to go through the conversion process if he wants to feel fully part of the community and if it will bring him peace. There is no prize for doing it as fast as possible. It can take time. And if he's working with a rabbi I'm sure he could participate in the synagogue community in some form. Certainly he could attend services -- there is definitely no name-checking at the door for those. If you show up and participate, that's enough, except that it would not be right for him to recite a blessing over the Torah or participate in other activities on the bimah as these honors are reserved for Jewish adults (not even kids).
Anonymous
09/06/2019 20:56
Subject: DH is claiming to be Jewish with no verifiable proof.
Do you want to raise your children Jewish? Then try a few temples. Maybe he is Jewish, but never raised as such and he’d like to learn. Lots of good temples in the area.
Anonymous
09/06/2019 20:55
Subject: Re:DH is claiming to be Jewish with no verifiable proof.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Only an orthodox shul would need proof. He could join a reform or even most conservative synagogues just by saying he's interested.
+1
Yup -- he just needs to find a different shul.
Anonymous
09/06/2019 20:46
Subject: Re:DH is claiming to be Jewish with no verifiable proof.
Anonymous wrote:Only an orthodox shul would need proof. He could join a reform or even most conservative synagogues just by saying he's interested.
+1
Anonymous
09/06/2019 20:45
Subject: DH is claiming to be Jewish with no verifiable proof.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:DNA test for mr. who am I really.
If so, he’d better hope that he didn’t have gentile ancestors who converted. A friend’s parents both converted to Judaism independently in college long before they met. She married the adopted son of Jews. Her children show 0 Jewish ancestry despite having 4 grandparents and two parents who practice.
Op here.
It may be the other way around. The story is his ancestors converted to Catholicism in order to buy land.
Anonymous
09/06/2019 20:45
Subject: DH is claiming to be Jewish with no verifiable proof.
I don’t get it. Are you Jewish?
If so your kids will be Jewish and you can be reform or conservative whatever,
If not, why is he so into this exactly?
If so your kids will be Jewish and you can be reform or conservative whatever,
If not, why is he so into this exactly?
Anonymous
09/06/2019 20:35
Subject: DH is claiming to be Jewish with no verifiable proof.
Anonymous wrote:DNA test for mr. who am I really.
If so, he’d better hope that he didn’t have gentile ancestors who converted. A friend’s parents both converted to Judaism independently in college long before they met. She married the adopted son of Jews. Her children show 0 Jewish ancestry despite having 4 grandparents and two parents who practice.
Anonymous
09/06/2019 20:21
Subject: Re:DH is claiming to be Jewish with no verifiable proof.
Only an orthodox shul would need proof. He could join a reform or even most conservative synagogues just by saying he's interested.
Anonymous
09/06/2019 20:16
Subject: DH is claiming to be Jewish with no verifiable proof.
DNA test for mr. who am I really.
Anonymous
09/06/2019 20:15
Subject: DH is claiming to be Jewish with no verifiable proof.
Anonymous wrote:Ok, so this story sounds a bit bizarre but.
10 years ago, prior to us meeting DH began a search into his family history. He found that he may have some Ashkenazi Jewish ancestors from Poland on Ancestry. He spoke with a rabbi in town who he began taking classes with and was urged to find some verifiable proof of his lineage. He came to a dead end, struggling with the dated records and polish translations and limited records available online. He has names and dates of very Jewish sounding ancestors (last name is something along the lines of Koen), but he hasn't been able to find the proof he is so desperately searching for.
That being said, none of his family is observant. His mother was estranged from her own grandmother who was the last person in his family believed to have been an observant Jew, and she had some degree of mental illness and there is a lot of dark family history there.
DH hung a Mezuzah. He wants to send our 8 month old son to a Jewish preschool when he is of the proper age. We have prayer shawls and yarmulkes and Judaica for the jewish holidays but DH has no idea how to go about it. He buys this stuff but it just kind of sits there, around the house. He is hesitant to reach out to a Rabbi again, knowing he would likely need some kind of proof in order to be accepted into the Jewish community. But, it all seems a bit much. DH didn't grow up with any observant religious family members and I think this is some kind of soul-searching for him. I'm trying to be supportive but short of hiring a genealogist who is well versed in eastern poland genealogy, he has hit a dead end. He is considering converting but we are on limited funds and he would have to pay for several Hebrew classes and introductory classes, taking up alot of our time and money.
What do I do? I'm trying to be supportive, but this is hard as i'm not religious myself. I'm not sure where all of this came from. This seems to be some kind of quest for DH to prove his ancestry.
** Op here. Mistyped Kohen.
Anonymous
09/06/2019 20:13
Subject: DH is claiming to be Jewish with no verifiable proof.
Ok, so this story sounds a bit bizarre but.
10 years ago, prior to us meeting DH began a search into his family history. He found that he may have some Ashkenazi Jewish ancestors from Poland on Ancestry. He spoke with a rabbi in town who he began taking classes with and was urged to find some verifiable proof of his lineage. He came to a dead end, struggling with the dated records and polish translations and limited records available online. He has names and dates of very Jewish sounding ancestors (last name is something along the lines of Koen), but he hasn't been able to find the proof he is so desperately searching for.
That being said, none of his family is observant. His mother was estranged from her own grandmother who was the last person in his family believed to have been an observant Jew, and she had some degree of mental illness and there is a lot of dark family history there.
DH hung a Mezuzah. He wants to send our 8 month old son to a Jewish preschool when he is of the proper age. We have prayer shawls and yarmulkes and Judaica for the jewish holidays but DH has no idea how to go about it. He buys this stuff but it just kind of sits there, around the house. He is hesitant to reach out to a Rabbi again, knowing he would likely need some kind of proof in order to be accepted into the Jewish community. But, it all seems a bit much. DH didn't grow up with any observant religious family members and I think this is some kind of soul-searching for him. I'm trying to be supportive but short of hiring a genealogist who is well versed in eastern poland genealogy, he has hit a dead end. He is considering converting but we are on limited funds and he would have to pay for several Hebrew classes and introductory classes, taking up alot of our time and money.
What do I do? I'm trying to be supportive, but this is hard as i'm not religious myself. I'm not sure where all of this came from. This seems to be some kind of quest for DH to prove his ancestry.
10 years ago, prior to us meeting DH began a search into his family history. He found that he may have some Ashkenazi Jewish ancestors from Poland on Ancestry. He spoke with a rabbi in town who he began taking classes with and was urged to find some verifiable proof of his lineage. He came to a dead end, struggling with the dated records and polish translations and limited records available online. He has names and dates of very Jewish sounding ancestors (last name is something along the lines of Koen), but he hasn't been able to find the proof he is so desperately searching for.
That being said, none of his family is observant. His mother was estranged from her own grandmother who was the last person in his family believed to have been an observant Jew, and she had some degree of mental illness and there is a lot of dark family history there.
DH hung a Mezuzah. He wants to send our 8 month old son to a Jewish preschool when he is of the proper age. We have prayer shawls and yarmulkes and Judaica for the jewish holidays but DH has no idea how to go about it. He buys this stuff but it just kind of sits there, around the house. He is hesitant to reach out to a Rabbi again, knowing he would likely need some kind of proof in order to be accepted into the Jewish community. But, it all seems a bit much. DH didn't grow up with any observant religious family members and I think this is some kind of soul-searching for him. I'm trying to be supportive but short of hiring a genealogist who is well versed in eastern poland genealogy, he has hit a dead end. He is considering converting but we are on limited funds and he would have to pay for several Hebrew classes and introductory classes, taking up alot of our time and money.
What do I do? I'm trying to be supportive, but this is hard as i'm not religious myself. I'm not sure where all of this came from. This seems to be some kind of quest for DH to prove his ancestry.